In other tour news, the annual "H.O.R.D.E." excursion wrapped up in Miami last Sunday, but it lives on -- after a fashion -- in the backstage Hi-8 footage we asked Primus leader Les Claypool to shoot for us. Claypool managed to bother most of his fellow tour-mate, from headliners Neil Young and Crazy Horse to Beck, Morphine, Cake Like, and Ben Folds Five. Here's the whole, unvarnished truth.

LES CLAYPOOL, Primus: Hi, I'm Les Claypool from Primus, and why I have the camera on H.O.R.D.E., I have no idea.

TOUR MANAGER: No video backstage. Do you have a photo pass?

CLAYPOOL: Photo pass...

TOUR MANAGER: Do I know you?

CLAYPOOL: Nope, I am a renegade journalist.

TOUR MANAGER: Can we get security over here, please?

CLAYPOOL (holding up a hackey sack): This is what defines H.O.R.D.E. This is what separates H.O.R.D.E. from the Ozz-fest. I think the "h" in H.O.R.D.E. has something to do with hackey sack.

I did actually find out what H.O.R.D.E. stands for: "Horizons Of something of something."

WOMAN working at booth: It stands for "Horizons Of Rock Developing Everywhere."

CLAYPOOL, (to a little girl): Hey you. (Girl looks at him, becomes visibly frightened and fidgets nervously.) You having a good time?

LITTLE GIRL: Wahheeeeeehhaa!!!! (She runs away screaming and crying.) [1.2MB QuickTime]

CLAYPOOL, (on board Morphine's tour bus): Just try and act casual, don't be intimidated by the camera.

What's up, man?

MARK SANDMAN, Morphine: How are you?

CLAYPOOL: I'm here to invade your space.

SANDMAN: You're doing a good job. You've penetrated all our security.

KERRI KANNEY, Cake Like: Morphine shmorphine, that Les Claypool has a way with the bass!

CLAYPOOL: You're a good looking horse, my friend...

JUSTIN MELDAL-JOHNSON, a.k.a Snowboat, Beck's bassist (who wore a horse mask during their performance): Thank you. You want to look inside? There's a little residue inside... horsey residue.

CLAYPOOL: Residue... (He peers into the sweaty mask.)

NEIL YOUNG: Hey, Les, what's happening?

CLAYPOOL: How's H.O.R.D.E. treating you?

YOUNG: Great, I love H.O.R.D.E., even though they're f*cking with us today, by making us going on a half hour early because we stayed on for 7 lousy minutes overtime.

CLAYPOOL (turns the camera to himself): Bastards!

YOUNG and CLAYPOOL (their faces in the camera): Bastards!

CLAYPOOL: That's the word of the day.

YOUNG: Les, we're with you.

CLAYPOOL (to Ben Folds after his band's final H.O.R.D.E. performance): That's it for you and the H.O.R.D.E., eh?

BEN FOLDS: Yeah, that's it. We quit.

CLAYPOOL: I want to give you a hug, Ben. (They hug, with Claypool still holding the camera awkwardly.)

BEN FOLDS: That's cool! [1.1MB QuickTime]

CLAYPOOL (facing the camera): Adios, to you all. (He turns it off).

The H.O.R.D.E. story by budding videographer Les Claypool.