Things are rough when the usually docile "USA Today" gets all catty on you. Such is the case for Jennifer Lopez, Garth Brooks, Joey McIntyre, The Insane Clown Posse, and others making the newspaper's list of the ten worst albums of 1999.

The national daily pulls no punches in running down the list, slinging barbs at Paula Cole ("preachy lyrics and limp melodies"), Kula Shaker ("goofy, shagadelic retro-pop"), Jamiroquai ("tepid '70s-inspired dance tracks"), Ministry ("aimless freight-train rumble with no menace or sense of adventure"), Crash Test Dummies ("a quagmire of dull soul-pop"), Geri Halliwell (a "pop flop"), and the rest of the bottom ten. As for the acts mentioned at the top of the piece, "USA Today" calls Brooks' "In the Life of Chris Gaines" a "move smacking of calculation and self-delusion," snips that Lopez's "On the 6" has "all the Latin flavor of Wonder Bread," and writes off McIntyre's "Stay the Same" as "a laughable and desperate attempt at soul music."

The newspaper reserves its harshest words for I.C.P., whose "The Amazing Jeckel Brothers" is tagged as the year's worst album. "The rap-metal duo's inept rhymes, witless humor and crass ploys for attention make Vanilla Ice seem visionary," the newspaper declares.

Far kinder words were reserved for Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against The Machine, Beck, Moby, and the rest of the artists responsible for "USA Today"'s ten best albums of the year. The newspaper names NIN's "The Fragile" as '99's best album, hailing it as a "delightfully subversive but beautiful art-rock opus." Rage follows at number two with "The Battle Of Los Angeles," on which the daily says "sound and fury coalesce brilliantly." Warm words also abound for Beck ("the decade's maddest, baddest sonic scientist"), Moby (a "time-warped techno joy ride"), and Richard Thompson ("durable melodies full of serrated wordplay and keen insights").

Fiona Apple, Eminem, Paul McCartney, Beth Orton, and Basement Jaxx round out the top ten, and you can check out the rest of the "USA Today" best and worst wrap-up at www.usatoday.com.

-- Robert Mancini