Not Necessarily The News: Why Are They Now?

Whose blood?

Subject #1: MC Hammer, aka

Hammer, aka Poopy Pants. Former pop rapper Hammer has put his $12 million San

Francisco mansion up for sale to pay off $13.7 million in debts. (Hey, all

those Harem pants ain't cheap.) The large white house includes $2 million worth

of marble, three waterfalls, indoor and outdoor pools, mirrored bathrooms,

marble Jacuzzis, a marble dining room table, a customized gym and black

wall-to-wall carpeting. Hammertoe filed for bankruptcy protection in 1996,

claiming $9.6 million in assets and over $13 million in debts. Vanilla Ice

could not be reached for comment.

Subject #2: The Spin Doctors, aka Bearded

Stoned Guy and the Remember Me's? The "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" band,

currently without a guitarist, record label or hope of cashing in on the 2.5

minutes of fame left on their meter, are in court fighting Miller Brewing Co.

for copyright infringement.

The band, who were dropped from Epic after

their 1994 sophomore album, Turn it Upside Down was DOA, were in an L.A.

courtroom this week to testify in a 1995 lawsuit filed against Miller in which

they claim the beer company used their hit "Two Princes" without permission in

a commercial for Miller Lite Ice Beer, according to the Associated

Press. Band members "couldn't help but bob their heads to the beat of their

hit song 'Two Princes,'" reported the AP. The news service described

the developing scene in the courtroom as "some jurors smiled Tuesday as the

1992 rock song echoed through the federal courtroom, while the music drew blank

stares from others."

The Doctors are seeking $25 million and an injunction

against any further use of the song. The legal forces for Miller, whom, we can

only assume, joined in on the blank stares, have argued that the commercial

used a "common musical composition." Right, a Spin Doctors song. In opening

statements, the Doctors' lawyer, Joseph Schleimer, tried to sway the jury's

opinion with a cute anecdote about how, "(Lead singer) Chris Barron will tell

you (that) one of his greatest moments was hearing a janitor singing his song."

Now that's aiming low.

Subject #3: Michael Jackson aka Wacko Jacko aka Captain

Ego. Bucking his usual tendency to hype himself, the King of Propaganda is

quietly releasing the remix album Blood on the Dance Floor--History in the

Mix on May 20. With five new tracks and eight remixes, the only question is,

"Whose blood is it, and how can we be sure?"