Subject #1: MC Hammer, aka
Hammer, aka Poopy Pants. Former pop rapper Hammer has put his $12 million San
Francisco mansion up for sale to pay off $13.7 million in debts. (Hey, all
those Harem pants ain't cheap.) The large white house includes $2 million worth
of marble, three waterfalls, indoor and outdoor pools, mirrored bathrooms,
marble Jacuzzis, a marble dining room table, a customized gym and black
wall-to-wall carpeting. Hammertoe filed for bankruptcy protection in 1996,
claiming $9.6 million in assets and over $13 million in debts. Vanilla Ice
could not be reached for comment.
Subject #2: The Spin Doctors, aka Bearded
Stoned Guy and the Remember Me's? The "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" band,
currently without a guitarist, record label or hope of cashing in on the 2.5
minutes of fame left on their meter, are in court fighting Miller Brewing Co.
for copyright infringement.
The band, who were dropped from Epic after
their 1994 sophomore album, Turn it Upside Down was DOA, were in an L.A.
courtroom this week to testify in a 1995 lawsuit filed against Miller in which
they claim the beer company used their hit "Two Princes" without permission in
a commercial for Miller Lite Ice Beer, according to the Associated
Press. Band members "couldn't help but bob their heads to the beat of their
hit song 'Two Princes,'" reported the AP. The news service described
the developing scene in the courtroom as "some jurors smiled Tuesday as the
1992 rock song echoed through the federal courtroom, while the music drew blank
stares from others."
The Doctors are seeking $25 million and an injunction
against any further use of the song. The legal forces for Miller, whom, we can
only assume, joined in on the blank stares, have argued that the commercial
used a "common musical composition." Right, a Spin Doctors song. In opening
statements, the Doctors' lawyer, Joseph Schleimer, tried to sway the jury's
opinion with a cute anecdote about how, "(Lead singer) Chris Barron will tell
you (that) one of his greatest moments was hearing a janitor singing his song."
Now that's aiming low.
Subject #3: Michael Jackson aka Wacko Jacko aka Captain
Ego. Bucking his usual tendency to hype himself, the King of Propaganda is
quietly releasing the remix album Blood on the Dance Floor--History in the
Mix on May 20. With five new tracks and eight remixes, the only question is,
"Whose blood is it, and how can we be sure?"