Look. There seems to be, finally, an end to the Van Halen
soap opera. First they ditched Sammy Hagar. That was a good idea. Then they
brought in David Lee Roth. That, too, was probably a good idea. Then they went
on MTV and made the world thing that David Lee was back for good. That was a
bad idea. Then they dumped David Lee. Another bad idea. Then David Lee wrote an
"Open Letter," sharing his feelings about the whole thing with us. Uh, excuse
us while we get sick. Then Van Halen issued a press release explaining that
they hadn't done any of the things David Lee accused them of. Anyone have a
stomach pump. Finally, we learn that the group has been working with former
Extreme singer Gary Cherone, and that if the biz details can be worked out,
Cherone will be the new Van Halen frontman. "This guy's got (guts) and he can
sing like an angel," guitarist Eddie Van Halen said today. Yeah but Eddie, you
had Sammy Hagar as your front man for a bunch of album so whadda you know.
Anyway, unless they dump Cherone soon, this is the last Van Halen report you're
gettin' for a while. Hold the applause.