If, like us, you occasionally suffer from bouts of a
visual dyslexia that makes it virtually impossible to distinguish Rob Zombie of
White Zombie from Al Jourgensen of Ministry, we at ATN can recommend a simple
technique that's guaranteed to work all day. Wish the gentleman a happy
birthday, and if he grunts back, "Fuck off--my birthday's not 'til October,"
you're talking to Jourgensen. But if he smiles and asks you for a gift, there's
a decent chance its Rob Zombie. Or Robert Straker, as his mother called the
whimpering little pink thing she gave birth to 30 years ago this very day.
Somehow White Zombie's 1992 major label debut, Sexorcisto attracted the
public wrath of televangelists and the cartoon attention of Beavis and Butthead
(could it have been the subtle, poetic album subtitle, "Devil Music Vol. 1?"),
and consequently began to sell like satanic hotcakes. Their next album even
went Top 10. Knowing a good thing when we see royalty checks exchange hands, we
at the ATN birthday bureau do publicly proclaim that beginning today, each and
every birthday column in this publication will contain a secret satanic message
meant only for you! That's right--hidden among the combination of consonants
and vowels, words and numbers of this very column are instructions from
Beelzebub, the prince of darkness himself, as to how you can come to possess
everything you've always secretly believed you were entitled to. Happy hunting!
Among today's other birthday notables, whose music does not necessarily reflect
the views of Rob Zombie and his management, are singing cowboy Tex Ritter,
Scottish blues belter Maggie Bell, British blues belter Long John Baldry,
industrial guitar pioneer Blixa Bargeld, Rage Against the Machine's Zach De
LaRocha, Cynthia Robinson of Sly's Family Stone, and Ray Manzarek of Nite City.