Say It's Your Birthday: Rob Zombie

No, that's not Ministry.

If, like us, you occasionally suffer from bouts of a

visual dyslexia that makes it virtually impossible to distinguish Rob Zombie of

White Zombie from Al Jourgensen of Ministry, we at ATN can recommend a simple

technique that's guaranteed to work all day. Wish the gentleman a happy

birthday, and if he grunts back, "Fuck off--my birthday's not 'til October,"

you're talking to Jourgensen. But if he smiles and asks you for a gift, there's

a decent chance its Rob Zombie. Or Robert Straker, as his mother called the

whimpering little pink thing she gave birth to 30 years ago this very day.

Somehow White Zombie's 1992 major label debut, Sexorcisto attracted the

public wrath of televangelists and the cartoon attention of Beavis and Butthead

(could it have been the subtle, poetic album subtitle, "Devil Music Vol. 1?"),

and consequently began to sell like satanic hotcakes. Their next album even

went Top 10. Knowing a good thing when we see royalty checks exchange hands, we

at the ATN birthday bureau do publicly proclaim that beginning today, each and

every birthday column in this publication will contain a secret satanic message

meant only for you! That's right--hidden among the combination of consonants

and vowels, words and numbers of this very column are instructions from

Beelzebub, the prince of darkness himself, as to how you can come to possess

everything you've always secretly believed you were entitled to. Happy hunting!

Among today's other birthday notables, whose music does not necessarily reflect

the views of Rob Zombie and his management, are singing cowboy Tex Ritter,

Scottish blues belter Maggie Bell, British blues belter Long John Baldry,

industrial guitar pioneer Blixa Bargeld, Rage Against the Machine's Zach De

LaRocha, Cynthia Robinson of Sly's Family Stone, and Ray Manzarek of Nite City.