1996 Grammy Nominations More Out Of It Than Ever

Lots of nominations for Alanis. Photo by Jay Blakesberg.

You know that old cliche about kickin' a dog when it's

down. Hey, we're not so sure about it either. But anyway, the thing is, kickin'

sick dogs is what comes to mind when we think about the Grammy awards

(something that's really painful to do--think about the Grammy awards, that

is). Year after year the Grammy thing is so out of it, so unrelated to great

music, as to truly be an embarrassment for the entire recording industry. This

year, things appear worse than ever. Consider that Hootie and the Blowjobs are

nominated for "Best New Artist." Hey, how about Silverchair? Ever heard of

Toadies? Or Korn? Or Built To Spill? Or, say, the Mermen? How about Foo

Fighters? Elastica? Everclear? Veruca Salt? Mike Watt? Ah, but of course not.

It's clear from other nominees that the industry geezers who cast their votes

listen to Eagles albums when they want to listen to "rock" music. (We figure

someone tunes to a Modern Rock station once in a while, 'cause Foo Fighters and

Presidents of the United States did get nominated in the "Alternative Album"

category. That would be a category created to differentiate from the "Rock

Album" category. (Does that mean that Foo Fighters aren't a rock band?) Anyway,

we won't bore you with any of the other nominees (yes, Alanis Morissette did

receive a zillion nominations--must have something to do with that line about

going down in the movie theater) because winning a Grammy means absolutely

nothing. In fact, it's hard to think of anything less cool. The only good thing

about winning a Grammy is that it gives one the opportunity to get up in front

of millions of people and make a statement. Of course hardly anyone does that

'cause they're too busy thanking their record companies and management firms.

This year, we hope someone does say something worth listening to. We have an

idea: how about asking the viewing audience to contact Congress and express

outrage over the proposed Internet censorship language in the

telecommunications bill that will soon cross President Clinton's desk. Just an

idea. The best thing about the Grammy telecast is that it can be kinda

amusing to see what people wear, and to see which suckers are willing to read

the lame words off the teleprompters with a straight face. Sometimes the show

is good for a laugh. But by the end you feel like you ate a lot of too greasy

Chinese food. Still hungry, and definitely nauseated.