You know that old cliche about kickin' a dog when it's
down. Hey, we're not so sure about it either. But anyway, the thing is, kickin'
sick dogs is what comes to mind when we think about the Grammy awards
(something that's really painful to do--think about the Grammy awards, that
is). Year after year the Grammy thing is so out of it, so unrelated to great
music, as to truly be an embarrassment for the entire recording industry. This
year, things appear worse than ever. Consider that Hootie and the Blowjobs are
nominated for "Best New Artist." Hey, how about Silverchair? Ever heard of
Toadies? Or Korn? Or Built To Spill? Or, say, the Mermen? How about Foo
Fighters? Elastica? Everclear? Veruca Salt? Mike Watt? Ah, but of course not.
It's clear from other nominees that the industry geezers who cast their votes
listen to Eagles albums when they want to listen to "rock" music. (We figure
someone tunes to a Modern Rock station once in a while, 'cause Foo Fighters and
Presidents of the United States did get nominated in the "Alternative Album"
category. That would be a category created to differentiate from the "Rock
Album" category. (Does that mean that Foo Fighters aren't a rock band?) Anyway,
we won't bore you with any of the other nominees (yes, Alanis Morissette did
receive a zillion nominations--must have something to do with that line about
going down in the movie theater) because winning a Grammy means absolutely
nothing. In fact, it's hard to think of anything less cool. The only good thing
about winning a Grammy is that it gives one the opportunity to get up in front
of millions of people and make a statement. Of course hardly anyone does that
'cause they're too busy thanking their record companies and management firms.
This year, we hope someone does say something worth listening to. We have an
idea: how about asking the viewing audience to contact Congress and express
outrage over the proposed Internet censorship language in the
telecommunications bill that will soon cross President Clinton's desk. Just an
idea. The best thing about the Grammy telecast is that it can be kinda
amusing to see what people wear, and to see which suckers are willing to read
the lame words off the teleprompters with a straight face. Sometimes the show
is good for a laugh. But by the end you feel like you ate a lot of too greasy
Chinese food. Still hungry, and definitely nauseated.