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All Of Brad Pitt's Best Jokes This Awards Season

If you're going to sweep every Best Supporting Actor accolade for months, you might as well make it fun for the rest of us

Did you know Brad Pitt's got jokes? Few things have brought as much joy to this awards season than the Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood star's acceptance speeches. A mix of charm, humor, and bravado, the punchy one-liners have become a staple at every event from the Golden Globes to the National Board of Review gala to the BAFTAs (where he wasn't even physically present to accept his award or deliver his zinger). And while it's the kind of gimmick that could get old coming from someone less beloved, Pitt's jokes have made the repetitive nature of this season's acting awards a little more bearable. After all, if you're going to sweep every Best Supporting Actor accolade for months, you might as well make it fun for the rest of us.

So, to the person ghostwriting Pitt's jokes, we applaud you. But the real question is: Did Pitt save the best for last? In anticipation of the actor's first Oscar win tonight (February 9) and final acceptance speech of the season, let's take a look at all of his best quips this awards season.

  • When he ended the most contentious movie debate once and for all
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    While accepting the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor for his performance in Quentin Tarantino's Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood the actor made sure to thank his good friend and co-star "LDC" for being a generous scene partner. He then, completely unprompted, said, "I would have shared the raft." The raft in question is the infamous door that saves Rose's life in the 1997 film Titanic — the door that she did not share with her lover Jack, played by Pitt's BFF, Leonardo DiCaprio.

  • When he referenced the state of his public love life
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    After the "raft" incident, Pitt — a tabloid favorite and notable ex of both Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie — had a bit of fun at his own expense when he joked, "I wanted to bring my mom [to the Golden Globes] but I couldn’t because any woman I stand next to, they say I’m dating. It would just be awkward."

  • And when he did it again...
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    When accepting the Screen Actors Guild Award, Pitt quipped, "I have to add this to my Tinder profile." (Is Pitt even on Tinder?) He also jokingly compared himself to his Once Upon a Time character, saying, "Let’s be honest, it was a difficult part — a guy who gets high, takes his shirt off, and doesn’t get on with his wife. It was a big stretch."

  • And again!
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    Pitt wasn’t even at the BAFTAs this year, but his Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood co-star Margot Robbie delivered his speech on the actor's behalf. "He starts [the speech] by saying, 'Hey Britain. Heard you just became single. Welcome to the club!,'" Robbie read.

  • When he referenced Quentin Tarantino’s long-rumored foot fetish
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    Upon winning the SAG for Best Supporting Actor, Pitt thanked his talented female co-stars and their talented... feet. "Margot Robbie, Margot Robbie’s feet, Margaret Qualley’s feet, Dakota Fanning’s feet," he read off his list of thank yous, before adding, "Seriously, Quentin has separated more women from their shoes than the TSA."

  • When he said he was "too old" to remember the most important rule
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    Pitt was honored with the Maltin Modern Master Award at the Santa Barbara International Film Festival this year, a designation that celebrates an actor's storied Hollywood career. As such, Pitt referenced some of his past work during his acceptance speech. "It’s things like this and nights like these that tell me that I’m old," Pitt joked. "I’ve been around a while and I’ve been doing this for a bit... I can’t stand night shoots anymore, and I’ll gladly hand a stunt over to a stunt man. I no longer remember the first rule of Fight Club," a fun nod to his 1999 film.

  • When he made a very pointed reference to "Megxit" at the BAFTAs

    Shout out to Pitt for asking Robbie to read a Megxit joke in front of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. While accepting the BAFTA on the actor's behalf, Robbie read, "Oh, and he says that he is going to name this Harry" — referencing the Actor award — "because he is really excited about bringing it back to the States with him." Robbie then clarified, "His words, not mine." At least Prince William and Kate Middleton, who were sitting in the crowd, were seen laughing.

  • When this happened
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    Though technically not an acceptance speech, this photo of Pitt and ex-wife Aniston is the single-most important thing to happen all awards season. No jokes necessary — but memes are welcome.