Chris Pratt is making you reconsider your Chris rankings. On Monday, Hollywood's billion-dollar everyman accepted the Generation Award at the 2018 MTV Movie & TV Awards with grace, humility, and poop jokes.
Before offering up some essential life advice (more on that later), the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom star was sure to thank his family — his mom, late father, brother, and sister — for their unwavering support. "We didn't have a pot to piss in growing up," he said, "But we laughed our butts off every day, and we still do."
His son, Jack, also got a special shout-out. "Kid, I love you more than anything in the world."
Then it was time for Pratt to get to business. The funnyman had previously warned MTV News that he was preparing to get serious with his acceptance speech, but we didn't realize just how serious. In his inspiring speech Pratt took the opportunity to speak to the next generation. "I accept the responsibility as your elder," he said.
He then outlined nine essential life rules, which we've paraphrased here:
2. "You have a soul. Be careful with it."
3. "Don't be a turd... Strength and intelligence can be weapons, and do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully."
4. "When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a piece of hamburger then they won't even know they're eating it."
5. "Doesn't matter what it is — earn it."
6. "God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you. Believe that. I do."
7. "If you have to poop at a party, but you're embarrassed... lock the door, sit down, get all the pee out first, and then once all the pee's done, poop, flush. Boom."
8. "Learn to pray. It's easy, and it's so good for your soul."
9. "Nobody is perfect — none of us, not you, you are imperfect and you always will be."
"There's a powerful force that designed you that way. If you're willing to accept that, you will have grace," Pratt concluded. "Grace is a gift. And like the freedom that we enjoy in this country, that grace was paid for with somebody else's blood. Do not forget it."
TL;DR — All the other famous Chrises can take a seat; Pratt is speaking, and we need to listen.