The Golden Globes aren't the most prestigious event in Hollywood, but with an open bar, a three-course meal, and an abundance of really good-looking people, they're arguably the most fun (unless your idea of fun is winning an Oscar — then you wait for February like all the other Anne Hathaways). These are all good reasons for Deadpool to crash the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's big night.
The Merc with a Mouth's movie made history as the first live-action superhero film to be nominated for Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy. Ryan Reynolds also picked up a nomination for Best Performance by an Actor in a Musical or Comedy, although that category is all-around insane this year. (Did Jonah Hill score a nomination for War Dogs on that laugh alone?) Technically, this makes the shit-talking superhero a trailblazer, and there's no way Wade Wilson is going to miss his chance to flirt with Ryan Gosling and drink free, fancy booze.
Let's look at all the ways Deadpool could crash the party and save us from overwrought speeches, viral stunts, and Jimmy Fallon's mediocrity.
Getting wasted with Annette BeningGetty Images / 20th Century Fox
We all know Bea Arthur will forever and always be Wade Wilson's No. 1 gal, but if anyone is poised to reach the heights of Drunk Glenn Close and Barefoot and Drunk Emma Thompson, it's 20th Century Women star Annette Bening. Bening's movies prove that she likes to get down, and there's really no one more equipped to handle Drunk Annette Bening than Deadpool. Sorry, Warren Beatty, but if you want to hang with Annette and Wade, you need to get hyphy.
Interrupting Casey Affleck's speechGetty Images / 20th Century Fox
If you're already super fucking psyched about your Golden Globes office pool, you probably know Manchester by the Sea star Casey Affleck is the favorite to take home the Globe for Best Performance by an Actor in a Drama. But do we really want to hear what the younger Affleck has to say? Not really. So if Deadpool is planning to pull a Kanye at the Globes, this seems like the most opportune time.
Delivering chimichangas to the audience with the Stranger Things kidsGetty Images / 20th Century Fox
In a few years, those kids from Stranger Things won't be nearly as cute, so Hollywood has to capitalize on their wholesome charm now. And Deadpool's not one for refreshing ceviche-style winter salads of roasted beets or manual labor, so if he's going to supply a room full of pretty people with chimichangas, you know damn well that he's going to put those small children to work (maybe even little Sunny Pawar, too).
Trying, failing to get Ryan Gosling's numberGetty Images
Wade Wilson is attracted to everyone regardless of gender, and even he's not immune to the charm of Ryan "Hey Girl" Gosling. Deadpool saw La La Land, and you better believe that he swooned when Gosling started tap-dancing. (HE'S NOT A MONSTER.) But in trying to get Gosling's digits, he's only going to cause a scene, which honestly could be the kind of scandal this party needs.
Taking Jimmy Fallon hostage and hosting the show himselfGetty Images / 20th Century Fox
In a perfect world, Deadpool would save us from the pain of having to watch Fallon sing and dance his way onto Giphy. Wade's got jokes! He can dance! He can make fun of famous people and Justin Timberlake! Give him a chance. Or he could take matters into his own hands and lock Fallon in a storage closet and run the show himself. There'd be less tap dancing and more R-rated debauchery — what could possibly go wrong?
Joining Salt-N-Pepa for an impromptu version of "Shoop" when he winsGetty Images
No one has campaigned harder in Hollywood than Ryan Reynolds, and he deserves to win for Best Performance by an Actor in a Musical or Comedy (sorry, Gosling). So of course Wade is going to find some way to spice up Reynolds's big night. How about with an instantly meme-able performance of "Shoop" with Salt-N-Pepa? Sure, it's not the most original idea, but since when has Wade Wilson ever come up with an idea that someone else hasn't had first?