Delete Your Account is a weekly column that takes the hot air out of celebrities and their social media shenanigans. Every Friday, I will decide whether or not each perpetrator should delete their accounts and never grace the internet again. This week, I miss the old Kanye, Bernie Sanders is canceled, Ginuwine reveals what’s in those jeans, Jack Falahee comes out of the armoire, Simone Missick reads for filth, and I’ve finally broken up with Paul Ryan. Also: introducing our weekly segment, “This Week in Trump,” because the next four years of a president who loves tweeting insane things in the middle of the night are going to be REALLY LONG.
“I would have voted for Trump.”
Hmmm. OK. I see Kanye still wants to be white. Late last night, Kanye announced at a concert that he didn’t vote, but if he had, he would’ve voted for Trump. He also told black people to get over racism. This from the man who rapped “racism still alive they just be concealing it” and made “Black Skinhead.” This from the man who cries whenever white fashion people ignore his tattered, off-the-rack Zara rags.
But this is also the man who still has his gross “BILL COSBY INNOCENT !!!!!!!!!!” tweet up and turned Nina Simone’s “Strange Fruit” into a banger about Hollywood women. No one needs to be looking to Kanye West for deep thought. One day he’ll get his hands on Michael Jackson’s journals, discover how to be white, and we can just write him off completely.
But until then ...
SHOULD KANYE DELETE HIS ACCOUNT?
Go home, Roger.
I come from the black working class, and I am deeply humiliated that Bernie Sanders couldn’t talk to the people where I came from and win any of our votes in the primaries. This is what you’re deeply humiliated about? Not the fact that your white working class voted for a racist? Why didn’t Bernie go talk to them himself if he was so focused on not letting Trump win?
Much ado has been made about the forgotten man and the “white working class” and how the Democratic Party lost because they were too focused on identity politics and some other shit that was probably gleaned from reading too many Jonathan Franzen novels. This is bullshit. Notable white man Mark Lilla wrote in the New York Times, “Hillary Clinton was at her best and most uplifting when she spoke about American interests in world affairs and how they relate to our understanding of democracy. But when it came to life at home, she tended on the campaign trail to lose that large vision and slip into the rhetoric of diversity, calling out explicitly to African-American, Latino, L.G.B.T. and women voters at every stop. This was a strategic mistake. If you are going to mention groups in America, you had better mention all of them.” As if Trump didn’t win an election based on appealing to white voters and their racism, xenophobia, and distrust of anyone who’s not white? Identity politics are only OK when you’re talking about white people, right?
Everyone has talked about how Hillary failed to reach the white working class, how Hillary needs to appeal to racists to win an election. She actually didn’t need to appeal to racists; what she needed to do was inspire the people who didn’t actually vote. That could’ve been accomplished by a better field campaign, but that’s neither here nor there. What we’re talking about is old white men and their desire to have people stop talking about race and diversity. Meanwhile, Trump is confirming racists and white nationalists for his cabinet, but it’s the liberals focusing on identity politics that are getting us into trouble? Fuck outta here.
Sanders even had the gall to say that Trump has an “ally” in him if he has the guts to take on corporate American greed. Ah, forget about that racism! Let’s work with Trump so we can focus on the corporate greed problem that Sanders has been decrying for months, without any tangible plan for fixing. I’m tired of him. I thought he’d go away. But his supporters kept clapping for him like he was Tinkerbell and he rose again. He even came to California to stump for Proposition 61 and we soundly rejected it. After so much rejection, he could finally go, right? But no, now we have to sit through his followers yapping about how he would have won the election. He couldn’t win the damn primary, but sure, he could’ve won the election. By talking to racist white people, right?
There’s myriad reasons why Clinton lost this election. But not focusing on the “white working class” is not one of them. The white people who voted overwhelmingly for Trump weren’t even working class, bruh. Bernie better go back to his box of Nilla Wafers because I’ve zero time for this “what about white people” shit today.
SHOULD BERNIE DELETE HIS ACCOUNT?
The man who has been inviting us to ride his “pony” for 20 years messed around and slid in the wrong DMs, because someone put his dick pics all over the internet. Rather than ignore them or deny the pics are him, he went the Young M.A approach and was like, “I got that eight-inch in the closet.” His “SO WHAT!!!” tweet is like, “Yeah, that’s right, y’all saw my penis and it’s real and it’s spectacular. You mad?”
No, not mad at all, Ginuwine. I’m just patiently waiting for you to expose whoever did this to you. Because your “stay tuned” is as evocative as when Joanne the Scammer ends a tweet with “Let’s chat later ...” Whoever is putting Ginuwine’s dick on the internet must be so anxious right now, is all I’m saying.
SHOULD GINUWINE DELETE HIS ACCOUNT? Not till we find out who did this!
So, it happened. Jack Falahee finally came out ... as straight. I bet you know how I’m going to react to this. I’m about to drag this white boy within an inch of his life, right?
Nah. I don’t actually mind this. I mean, I’m assuming Matt McGorry actually wrote this for him since it says things like “dismantle the closet,” but the sentiment here is good. I’m not sure I buy his reasons for being ambiguous — dismantling the closet looks a lot like getting gay magazine covers and thirsty social media followers — but the realization that his efforts weren’t helping matters is a pretty mature thing to say. I’ve always liked Falahee, so I’m glad that we’ve moved on from this chapter in his life and he can just be the hot straight guy with gay fans. And because gay media outlets love straight white guys even more than gay guys, his magazine covers won’t dry up either! Everyone wins!
SHOULD JACK DELETE HIS ACCOUNT? Sorry, too busy looking at this GIF.
I truly have nothing to add to this, except for admiration that Luke Cage’s Simone Missick is out here bodying dudes on Twitter like it’s nobody’s business. When are we getting that Misty Knight series? This type of badass bitchery cannot be contained, Marvel.
SHOULD SIMONE DELETE HER ACCOUNT? She needs to stop by the MTV News offices and help me delete some accounts.
Paul. Paul. Paul. You know, I used to have a thing for Paul Ryan. I used to think about Paul Ryan all the time. He’s rather handsome. And he seemed decent, if not swept up in all of the lies and manipulations of the GOP. He even denounced Trump! Until ... he didn’t. And then he tried to save face, even as Trump dragged the hell out of him in public and on Twitter. Now he’s once again bowing to Trump and gleeful about all the racists he’s adding to his cabinet. So fuck you, Paul Ryan. This is over.
I’ve moved on to a less problematic handsome Republican (Kevin Madden, CNN political commentator) to fawn over. And unlike you, he’s already followed me back on Twitter.
SHOULD PAUL DELETE HIS ACCOUNT?
THIS WEEK IN DONALD TRUMP
As long as our new president has a Twitter account that needs to be taken from him, every week we’ll dive into the worst of his social media shenanigans.
Trump’s had quite the busy week! Aside from wanting to hire racists like Steve Bannon, Michael Flynn, and Jeff Sessions, he’s also been tweeting up a storm!
Oh, you sweet molded orange rind. Subscriptions for the New York Times have actually gone up since you were elected, so you’re either lying or numbers confuse you. Here’s one number that shouldn’t confuse you: The popular vote? Hillary is still winning it. And by more every day.
Speaking of the Times, they called your ass out for LYING about this. The plant was never going to close. Why do you have to lie all the time? Is it because no one really likes you (because you did, after all, lose the popular vote) and you have to come up with new ways for people to tweet Pepe memes at you? Sad!
Damn. How awful are you when even Sesame Street is out here subtweeting you?