Last week, we "ruined" your Disney Channel childhood, so now it's time to destroy Nickelodeon for you, too. Several of these theories involve murder, mayhem, and confusion — which is just what you want in a theory, no?
Get ready to hug your brotha and drop your jaw, because here are eight bizarre Nickelodeon theories coming 'atcha.
[Note: Nickelodeon and MTV News are both owned by Viacom.]
Drake & Josh is actually a reality series.Nickelodeon
This would explain why Drake and Josh opened each episode by addressing the audience. "If they're doing a monologue, that has to mean they realize that they're on a TV show," YouTube personality Jon Solo said in his video regarding the theory. Not to mention that Carly watched Drake & Josh on one episode, and the kids on Victorious referred to it as a TV show.
Drake & Josh’s Crazy Steve killed Drake Parker and Josh Nichols, kidnapped Megan, and made her move to Seattle and rename herself Carly Shay, creating iCarly.Nickelodeon
This is perhaps the most well-known theory on the list, but one fan decided to take it several steps further. DeviantArt user FuzzyThePunkCat found a way to connect Drake & Josh, iCarly, Sam & Cat, and Wendell and Vinnie — all shows from Dan Schneider's universe.
Crazy Steve's younger sister Carly died very young. Years later, Crazy Steve met Megan Parker and realized she looked a lot like Carly. He murdered her brothers, Drake and Josh, and took her to Seattle so they could start over, changing his name to Spencer to hide from the cops. Crazy Steve's parents were hardly in the picture, so there wasn't much worry there. Carly's childhood friend Sam, who wasn't ever told Carly had died, mistook Megan for Carly. Eventually, Crazy Steve's dad found out what was going on and rescued Megan from his son.
Crazy Steve went insane after learning that "Carly" had been taken from him again and ended up murdering Freddie in distress. Terrified for her life, Sam escaped to California and eventually met Cat. Completely alone, Crazy Steve left Seattle and killed a boy named Wendell's parents in a car crash. Wendell lived but suffered brain damage and memory loss, so he believed Crazy Steve was actually his uncle. Needing help to "raise" a child, Crazy Steve kidnapped a woman and agreed to only release her from her prison if she played along as his sister and Wendell's aunt.
Penelope Taynt from The Amanda Show murdered Amanda Bynes and assumed her identity.Nickelodeon
Assuming Penelope Taynt was a real person, and not just Amanda Bynes in ~disguise~, Reddit user chicklepip posited that Penelope's obsession for Amanda wasn't strictly out of love or fandom; instead, this person claimed, "Penelope wanted to meet Amanda because she wanted to become Amanda."
According to the theory, Penelope finally got her wish in 2010 — the year things for Amanda started to take a turn for the worse — killing the real Amanda and taking her place. All of Amanda's erratic, manic behavior, as well as her retiring from acting, was attributed to the fact that Amanda wasn't really Amanda.
Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide was part of the Illuminati.Nickelodeon
You knew there'd be an Illuminati theory on here, right? On the episode "Failing," Moze jokingly told Ned to use her "magic pyramid" to give him all of life's answers. Ned complied and started relying on the magic pyramid for every decision he made. YouTube user illuminatipyramid noticed the "connection," and pointed out how only the pyramid's side with the green eye was shown onscreen.
Kurt from Good Burger had connections to the mafia.Paramount Pictures
True, Good Burger is a movie, not a TV show, but it developed from an All That sketch, so we'll allow it. Reddit user UltimaGabe wanted to know how Kurt, the owner of Mondo Burger, funded his elaborate restaurant, insane opening-night festivities, and robotic burger makers — not to mention hiring employees who looked the other way about illegal activities and including two insane asylum doctors on the payroll. We knew Mondo Burger wasn't a chain, and its food cost the same as Good Burger, yet somehow the company still seemed to make enough money to fund all this hullabaloo. How?
According to UltimaGabe, Kurt was "the son of some rich magnate, possibly someone in the pharmaceutical business (hence the cheap, easy access to [the illegal chemical] Triampathol), who's been given everything he ever wanted." UltimaGabe linked Kurt's powerful father to having ties with the mafia, who constantly help him out with business issues, taking a cut of the profits along the way. Furthermore, the insane asylum, Demented Hills, was run by mafia enforcers, to keep the people who knew their evil secrets away from society.
When Kurt was arrested and tossed in the police car at the end of the film, he shouted, "Do you know who I am?" which didn't make a lot of sense for him to say — besides the fact that he's an arrogant asshole. But had he said, "Do you know who my father is?" UltimaGabe believed that would have solved the entire Mondo Burger money mystery.
Big Pete from The Adventures of Pete & Pete was schizophrenic.Nickelodeon
According to Reddit user guimauves, because Big Pete "long[ed] for the days of the free spirited childhood he never had," his psyche broke and he developed schizophrenia. He began to hallucinate and imagined he had a brother named Little Pete. Guimauves explained how Little Pete was like Tyler Durden in Fight Club: He was simply a figment of Big Pete's imagination. The Reddit user elaborated further, claiming strongman Artie also wasn't real. "Perhaps the friendship between Little Pete and Artie is so strong because they are the main hallucinations," Guimauves theorized.
Clarissa Darling and Sam Anders from Clarissa Explains It All were the parents of Ned Bigby from Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide.Nickelodeon
Though this theory has been debunked, it was still an interesting idea. Reddit user maxtrix7 shared the idea after seeing it posted on Imgur. The original theory claimed that Clarissa talked about naming a future son Ned on the series finale, and on one Declassified episode, Ned explained how his second surname was Darling. The theory continued by claiming that Ned didn't like his absentee father, named Sam, on a Season 5 episode.
The whole thing was clearly false because the finale of Clarissa didn't include anything about a naming a child Ned, and there was no Season 5 of Declassified at all. Womp womp.
iCarly’s Freddie Benson is the son of Barry B. Bee from Bee Movie.Nickelodeon
As we've previously discussed, Twitter user @lilgrlhj claimed that Freddie's mother was the woman in Bee Movie and eventually hooked up with Barry. Together, they made Freddie. Her overprotective, helicopter mom behavior was due to her being "reckless in the past and accidentally kill[ing] her husband Barry." Nathan Kress, who played Freddie Benson, eventually saw the theory and "confirmed" it. Honestly, we're glad he had a good sense of humor about it, since the theory claimed that Freddie resembled a bug.