The 5 Stages Of A Relationship (When You're Not Ready For One), According To Loosely Exactly Nicole

On this week's episode, our girl proclaimed, 'I'm a big, black, beautiful bird, and I can't be caged'

Sometimes you're ready to settle down with The One, and other times... you'd rather just Netflix and chill.

Nicole was all about the latter during tonight's Loosely Exactly Nicole, but she didn't come to that conclusion overnight -- because we all know the idea of a relationship is often better than the coupling itself. Insert the "grass is always greener" cliché here, and read on for the five major stages of a relationship (when you're just not ready for one), according to our girl, Nic.

  1. Realization

    The DTR moment when it hits you that your friend with benefits could suddenly be... relationship material. Formerly a "modern woman in charge of her sexuality," Nic shockingly found herself in girlfriend territory when Derrick treated her to bacon and eggs outside of the bedroom.

  2. Exploration

    But is this really happening? Cue the Boyfriend Test: Send a pointless, boring text ("I saw a bird.") and see if he responds. Also, ask lots of hypothetical questions. Oh, and one more tiny thing to consider -- is this really what (and who) you want? Alternate Tinder date to the rescue! Both Derrick and Nicole passed their respective exploratory tests with flying colors.

  3. Excitement

    It's totally happening, and it's definitely what you want. Time to plan your wedding and name your unborn children, informing everyone of your newfound relationship status along the way!

  4. Denial

    Then sh*t gets real. Your handsome Prince Charming is suddenly a (wait for it) human being -- with flaws, baggage and butt hair. You find yourself sitting Nicole-style at a poetry slam while your S.O. airs his very unattractive dirty laundry for all to see, and you deny any romantic involvement.

  5. Freedom

    No. Not happening. Time to cut the cord. In the words of Nicole, "I'll have a relationship when I'm ready -- when I've sampled all 31 flavors of dick."

Catch Loosely Exactly Nicole Mondays at 10:30/9:30c!