Your Everything Guide to Goof-Proof Pillow Talk

Whether you’re new to post-sex chitchat or want to take it up a notch, here’s the seamless guide to improving bedroom conversations—and your sex life!

With the VMAs approaching August 28th, YouTube star Josh Leyva and sexologist Shannon Boodram are getting pumped about the big event, discussing what they’re wearing, doing some primping to get ready for the event, and sharing tips on how you can be a better conversationalist before or after another exciting main event — sex. Watch them break it down here.

Be prepared. Before you head to bae’s bedroom, make sure you always have condoms on hand. You’ll be way more comfortable (and comfort tends to lead to better orgasms) knowing you’re doing you part to prevent unintended pregnancies and STIs. No man of woman should feel embarrassed about buying condoms; you’re taking care of your sexual health.

During sex, use their name. Try using your partner’s name during sex if you don’t already. Hearing, “Oh my God, [INSERT NAME HERE], I’m coming!” might make your partner even more turned on.

Be an honest pillow talker. If you partner is lying next to you, their chests heaving with a post-sex glow and you feel like the experience was kinda “meh” on your end, don’t lie to them saying you had an orgasm if you didn’t, or lie and say they were the best you ever had. Tell them how much you enjoyed the condom.

Use a compliment sandwich. Tell your partner, “I love it when you kissed my neck/breasts/grabbed my butt,” and be honest about what didn’t work for you. Perhaps a pinch or nibble was a little too hard or bae gave you a love smack on the booty that you weren’t a fan off. Then close with something else they did that turned you on and that you loved.

Sex is about sharing — and that includes what’s on your mind. More than half of people in a recent survey said they don’t talk to their partners about sex – not performance, not contraceptives, nada! That leaves a lot of uncertainty out there — which isn’t good for peace of mind or your sexual health. What are they (and you) waiting for? Pillow talk should be sexy, fun, and informative. Hey, we all have room for improvement. (And if you think you’re perfect in bed, that last sentence was especially directed at you.)

If you’re feeling shy and not ready to start with any of this, the most important thing you’ll want to say before the moment gets too hot and heavy is, “Let me grab that condom.”

Use a condom every time. Responsible AF.