Do you know what your sexual interests are? If you do, great! Now, do you feel confident asking your partner for what you want? If your reply was a shrug and a meek “Yes?” you could probably using a little brushing up on communication skills. It’s normal and healthy to have sex fantasies; over 82 percent of the population has some sort of kinky fantasy. Whether that’s bringing in props, adding sex toys, or simply asking your partner to touch you in place they haven’t already, there’s no shame for asking what you want.
In this exclusive MTV episode, watch sexologist Shannon Boodram and YouTube star Josh Leyva discuss “What’s Your Fantasy?” for real-world advice on the best way to bring these desires up and how to give constructive feedback on how your partner can make improvements—like with a “compliment sandwich.”
Here are some “safety tips” to make sure you both feel empowered by opening up about your sexual desires--and your fantasy discussion doesn’t end in a fight:
• The most important aspect of having a fun, adventurous sexual relationship is giving your partner piece of mind. The best way to do that is by using a condom, every time.
• When discussing your fantasies, make sure each person is comfortable sharing what they’d like to try by making the space a “no-judgment zone.” Even if you’re not into the idea, don’t tell your partner “that’s gross” or “you’re crazy!” when they share what turns them on.
• Talk each fantasy through. Ask where it stemmed from and why it gets your partner so turned on. It could be a sexy movie scene they love or porn they watched that made them want to try a new position or change of scenery with you.
• Whether your girl gets off on being blindfolded or your guy wants to be spanked, come up with a “safe word” so bae knows when you’re uncomfortable and need to slow down or stop.
• Just because one person discusses a fantasy doesn’t mean you both have to act on it, and you shouldn’t get mad at your partner for it. For example, your guy might say he has a threesome fantasy. (It’s one of the most popular male fantasies, ladies, so don’t feel like it’s a front to you and your bedroom performance at all!) While you may not be interested in bringing another woman into the bedroom, use this as a jumping off point for an open discussion about what the other woman would look like or do while you’re all in bed together. You might want to use this information for future role-playing in the bedroom. (Dudes, whatever you do, don’t name any of her friends or describe them to a tee in this scenario. Not cool.)
• Add a BOB to your bedroom. If your girlfriend uses a “battery operated boyfriend” AKA vibrator when you’re not around, she might want to bring it out during your next sex sesh and have you touch her with it for a more tantalizing experience. Don’t worry guys, this tool won’t replace you, it’s just different sensations that might enhance her orgasm while she’s with you. And yes, it can be used on you, too. It’s a win-win!