Having mastered the art of hip gyration on dry land, Channing Tatum is taking his "Pony" down where it's wetter. Everyone's favorite simple bae is headed under the sea for Disney's newly announced remake of Splash.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Magic Mike himself will star opposite his 22 Jump Street co-star Jillian Bell in the film — only this time, it's Tatum who will be donning the fin as the seductive merman after Bell's heart. (How do mermen seductively get down to Ginuwine's "Pony" under the sea? I don't know, but I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT.)
In the 1984 original, Tom Hanks falls in love with a captivating mermaid played by Daryl Hannah. However, he has no idea that his new boo's legs transform into a fin whenever she touches water. It's equal parts rom and com — and, frankly, Tatum and Bell are the perfect duo to re-create this movie magic. You know, once Tatum becomes fluent in dolphin.
But Tatum shouldn't stop there. Mermaids are totally having a moment in pop culture right now, and he should really consider stepping into the fins of these other notable merpeople:
Merman in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find ThemWarner Bros.
J.K. Rowling previously put a more terrifying spin on the classic mermaid in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when Harry had to face a colony of merpeople in the Triwizard Tournament. However, according to Newt Scamander, the beautiful mermaids we Muggles are familiar with are often found in warmer waters. Since Fantastic Beasts will introduce us to the magical creatures of Rowling's wizarding world, this seems like the perfect opportunity for Chan to get his fin wet. He could play a merman Newt encounters on one of his many magizoology expeditions.
Gender-swapped Ariel in The Little MermanDisney
Listen, The Little Mermaid is already getting two big-screen remakes — why not add a third? In it, Tatum can star as Ariel, King Trident's only son whose biggest dream in life is not to take his father's throne but to walk on land. Plus, Tatum would slay a rendition of "Part of Your World."
Adult Cody in sequel to The Thirteenth YearDisney
Haven't you ever wondered what happened after Cody and his mermaid mother swam off into the sunset together? Did he actually make it back in time for school? Did he go back to the ocean once he turned 18? We need some resolution here, people! (Not to mention, Channing and actor Chez Starbuck kind of look alike.)
Pirate merman in Pirates of the Caribbean 12Disney
Let's be honest with ourselves here: As long as time (and Johnny Depp) exist, Disney will continue to milk this Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. So in Captain Jack Sparrow's twelfth big-screen adventure, he'll meet his greatest adversary yet: an evil merman pirate played by Channing Tatum.
A thirtysomething-year-old merman-boy in an Aquamarine reboot20th Century Fox
Seeing as reboots and remakes are all the rage in Hollywood these days, we think it's time Tatum and his bro Jonah Hill remade Aquamarine — a 2006 coming-of-age movie about a teenage mermaid and her two (human) best friends — into a raunchy, R-rated bro-medy. Because why not! [Cut to an inappropriate scene between Tatum and a narwhal.]
The half-octopus dude in the American remake of that batshit Chinese movie The Mermaid.The Mermaid
Wait, why hasn't Stephen Chow's insane mermaid action movie been remade in America yet? The film made $431 million in China alone. AND THERE'S AN ANGRY HALF-OCTOPUS DUDE.
A merman in a Zoolander spin-offParamount Pictures
Among Derek Zoolander's many memorable modeling jobs, his merman commercial for Aveda may be the best. But what if Zoolander weren't actually modeling? What if the entire "commercial" took place in an alternate universe where merpeople — gasp — really do exist? And WHAT IF these merpeople just really love Aveda beauty products? Think of all the world-building opportunities! Remember, Hollywood: Wetness is the essence of beauty — and money.