Last week, Cara Delevingne shaved a woman's head on Hollywood Boulevard for a Jimmy Kimmel Live! segment, and whether she knew it or not, she was participating in a time-honored tradition. Yes, it's summer, so people shave their heads to avoid dealing with long locks, sweaty foreheads, hairline breakouts, and the like. But they also do it when they find themselves smack-dab in the middle of pop-punk music videos. When's the last time you watched Sum 41's "Fat Lip" vid from 2001? (The clippers come out at the 1:50 mark.)
That same summer, fellow recent comeback kids Blink-182 pissed away a reported $500,000 to make a lo-fi video for "The Rock Show," wherein the trio gives a homeless man a makeover — and next to him, drummer Travis Barker shaves the top of an older woman's head off as a briefcase of cash spills onto her lap. The dog days of summer '01 were full of brilliant ideas. (Oh, a few heads also got shaved in Blink's "Feeling This" vid two years later, but that was a metaphor for authority stomping you down and shit, man.)
So how does this relate to Cara D. giving a girl named Grace a brand-new buzzed head in 2016? Stick with me here. There was no overt musical connection in this case, but subliminally the situation is bursting with melody. Cara's new film, Suicide Squad, features an extremely theatrical cover of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Panic! At the Disco, a band with pop-punk ties. Meanwhile, the closest aesthetic approximation of a pop-punk band in the mainstream cultural consciousness is 5 Seconds of Summer, who should have absolutely been included on the Suicide Squad soundtrack but instead opted to record the silky funk-pop tune "Girls Talk Boys" for Ghostbusters instead. It's better suited for a throwback '80s reboot than a highly bankable comic book summer blockbuster.
Now, 5SOS have never shaved a girl's head in a music video (yet), though I'm sure they could easily find hundreds of willing participants on Twitter in under two minutes. And if a 5SOS head shave were going to happen, it definitely would've happened in either of the two videos they put out last summer — "She's Kinda Hot" and "Hey Everybody!" — which are both littered with other essential pop-punk visual tropes. There's the colorful pool party, featured prominently in Sum 41's "In Too Deep," Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle," and The Offspring's "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)," and the crucial neighborhood and/or school takeover, the cornerstone of Good Charlotte's "The Anthem," Simple Plan's "I'm Just a Kid," and Green Day's "Waiting."
Whether she knows it or not, Cara D. (a key selling point of a multi-million-dollar DC/Warner Bros. burgeoning franchise film) is channeling all of this when she shaves that girl's head on Jimmy Kimmel Live! for all the world to see. The only possible way this confusing saga can find its organic conclusion is for Cara to star in the next 5SOS music video (hopefully "Waste the Night," because that song is good) and shaves someone's head again — or gets her own head shaved. Then and only then will order be restored to the universe.