What are the odds of surviving a serial killer's bloody rampage not once, but twice? Slim to none -- and that's why Scream favorite Noah has convinced his Lakewood pals to videotape "If I Die" messages for his new podcast, "The Morgue."
"In light of last year's killing spree, I can't help but think, 'Is there more to come?'" he asks. (Answer: Yes, because Scream returns May 30). With that in mind, he goes on to wax philosophical about his 17 years on Earth just in case he doesn't get to see 18 -- and even describes the death scene he desires if in fact he takes a dirt nap. Hint: He's thinking big.
Meanwhile, at least two of Noah's pals are spilling their guts before the killer tries to do it for them: Kieran gives a heartfelt speech about the bonds he's made in Lakewood, while Emma talks about the scars left behind after that terrifying showdown with Piper at the dock.
"Until three months ago, my life was simple -- and then [she] came along," Em says in her clip. "Piper said she had one surprise left. Is it still out there?"
Fortunately, the other Lakewood teens aren't taking their videos as seriously. Audrey, for one, uses the opportunity to beg that her father not bury her in a dress; Jake describes himself as "rock-hard, grade-A man meat." And Brooke? The "If I Die" video by Lakewood's queen bee is, well, to die for.
"To all the pervs out there hoping this is going to get dirty, IT'S NOT," she begins before thanking Emma for being a friend and getting romantical about Jake -- then ending with a verbal sign-off so epic, we're going to start using it in everyday life.
What else did the kids from Lakewood want to say "If They Die"? Watch the videos in the playlist below to find out, then be sure to tune in for the season premiere of Scream on Monday, May 30 at 11/10c!