Last night, it was announced that several beloved TV shows were not going to be renewed for the coming television season, from Castle to Marvel’s Agent Carter. Among the fallen lay Nashville, starring Connie Britton.
But let us not weep for Connie Britton, for she is now free. And there is hope in freedom. Beyond Nashville, she’s worked her magic on Friday Night Lights, American Horror Story, and The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story, bringing to each one slice-of-down-home, bounteously-locked, sisters-doin'-it-for-themselves life. According to Deadline, "Lionsgate TV will shop the series to other networks and digital platforms," but assuming this does not happen, and assuming that means Connie Britton now finds herself with some time on her hands, we at MTV have some ideas about what must-see TV she can bless us with next.
A Sleepless In Seattle meets Miss Cleo call-in hybrid, in which Connie Britton drinks red wine and answers calls from women of the world looking for guidance and sisterly solidarity. To preserve the show’s sacred sense of calm, Jackée Harry takes over whenever Connie gets wine woozy, reading her own Twitter page along with your signs, your cards, and — if necessary — your life as a means of spiritual guidance. Pettiness and pretension begone.
Just in case Connie isn’t ready to leave the country music scene, this series would follow Dolly Parton’s stage manager, played by Connie, as Dolly mounts a massive worldwide tour. Like Veep but for people who actually know how to relax — backstage drama, live performance, and impeccable yet relaxed comedic timing abound.
In the Chair
Connie Britton and Tina Knowles Lawson open a hair salon in Houston, majestically serving the Beckys and the Beyoncés of Texas. In the tradition of white characters on black sitcoms, the show doesn’t idealize Connie or take a bullshit post-racial stance, and some of its best episodes come in exploring the limits of white feminist thinking.
No Man on Earth
Like Last Man on Earth in that there has been a cataclysmic event that has wiped out vast swaths of humanity, but unlike Last Man on Earth in that only men were affected, not a single lady life was lost, and no one is sad about it. Connie and the new matriarchy attempt to form a collective society now that the world is free from the toxic influence of menfolk. Gun control passes, Serena Williams is finally the world’s highest-paid athlete. Peace on earth, and goodwill to all non-men.
Connie Britton, the Cocktail Cook
Can Connie Britton cook? Does it matter? If she can’t cook she can just try out different sangria recipes every week. Season 2 can tackle cocktails. Wine tasting for Season 3.
Rehab Addict With Connie Britton
Connie Britton joins the actual best show on HGTV, aiding Rehab Addict Nicole Curtis in restoring old homes to their former glory. The combined power of their can-do attitudes single-handedly push the overrated The Property Brothers to the lowly DIY network where they belong.
Southern Gothic Women’s Power Hour
Every episode adapts a different short story from a Southern writer, from Zora Neale Hurston to Flannery O’Connor. Naturally, Connie Britton owns the Carson McCullers episodes.
The Rise and Fall of Wendy Davis
Listen, people, there is a story to be TOLD here. Texas politics, filibusters with sneakers on, social media activism, and weathering political failure. Making a valiant last stand for the currently bleak hope of a blue Texas, this is Connie’s Emmy waiting to happen.
The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick
The most plausible of all the potential Connie Britton series, given her already standout turn on The People v. O.J. as Nicole Brown Simpson’s once best friend, now tell-all fame seeker Faye Resnick. Promising coke, Brentwood Hellos, and Beverly Hills, this series could mimic Resnick’s own turn on Real Housewives — and, in its way, Britton heading up an A-List drama series would be an almost Shakespearean victory of legitimacy for this show’s titular social climber.
Connie Britton Project Greenlight
A reality show following Connie Britton as she pitches any of the aforementioned suggestions to networks. Either becomes a thrilling exposé into the incompetence of the film and television industry to recognize great ideas when they come along, or Connie Britton gets a TV show. Win-win.