It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left y'all without a dope beat to step to. OK, it's been two weeks. But just like sands through the hourglass, so will celebrities remain messy as fuck on Twitter. This week, Solange gave the tabloids another Becky to hunt down, Johnny Manziel thinks domestic abuse is funny, and Donald Trump is well on his way to becoming worse than Ramsay Bolton.
Remember two years ago when Solange squeezed some lemonade out of Jay Z's ass in the elevator at the Met Gala? Well, this year she was ready to burn shit down once again. Only Jay actually skipped the Gala this time around — she probably hit him with the "c u in the elevator" text — so Solange had to find her drama elsewhere. I love Solange's deliciously messy ass. I like when she gets in elevator fights and I like when she defends my favorite driving instructor, Brandy. But can we leave the blind items to Us Weekly? Solange has never been afraid to call somebody the fuck out, so I'm wondering why she chose a subtweet this time around.
There's speculation that she was talking about Taylor Swift, due to the photo above, but Solange doesn't look particularly pissed in the photo. And when the hell has Taylor ever thought of herself as "artsy and shit"? Right now, she's looking like Jenny Humphrey from Gossip Girl or one of the dancers from O-Town's "Liquid Dreams" video, but she's far from artsy. At any rate, it's pointless to speculate on this because it could be literally anybody. Except Jay — she doesn't hit him with the subtweets, she hits him with those glorious hands.
Should Solange Delete Her Account? Nah, I love her drama. Besides, she already did some "spring cleaning" on her Twitter account and deleted her entire history. But I'm always watching girl, and I got screenshots.
Speaking of the Met Gala, I would be remiss if I didn't address my girl's thirst this week. Yes, everyone swarmed and thought that Rita might be the "Becky with the good hair" referenced on Beyoncé's Lemonade. I'm ashamed to say that even I was guilty of this …
But then we all realized Rita wasn't the culprit and moved on. But then. But then. She showed up to the Met Gala wearing a "Not Becky" pin. Then she lured a turnt, clearly drunk Beyoncé into a Snapchat photo with her, just to squash the rumors. I'm pretty sure Beyoncé thought Rita was Farrah Franklin when she took this photo. Girl, I love you, so I hope this Becky nonsense has been put to rest. I don't even like having to address Snapchat in this column because, by definition, every post on Snapchat is thirsty and I'd be telling everyone and their mama to delete their accounts if I addressed Snaps.
Should Rita Delete Her Account? Her Twitter is actually the tamest part of her social media presence, so she's fine.
This tweet might seem innocuous, until you realize that Johnny Manziel tweeted this mere hours after he turned himself in on DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CHARGES. Let's discuss the levels of this nonsense. One, Johnny has multiple mugshots. Second, Johnny once took a shirtless mugshot. Third, Johnny thought it was time for jokes after he was arrested for beating his girlfriend. Remember when people liked this idiot? When Drake made a song about him? For the record, I always thought that song was trash and now I'm glad I don't have to delete it from my Drake playlist because that shit was never there in the first place.
And then there's this tweet. You been doing the same thing for years? How long you been beating up women then, son? Is this just a regular Thursday night for you?
Should Johnny Delete His Account? Delete your fucking life, bro.
Demi, I have a prescription for Xanax from my doctor and it is the best thing to ever happen to me. Take that however you want, but girl, why are you always doing the most? Last time Demi graced the pages of Delete Your Account, she was busy calling out Taylor Swift for publicly donating money to Kesha's legal defense. This time, she's back at it again because she inadvertently tried to come for Nicki Minaj on Instagram. I say tried because literally Amelia Bedelia would've been better at it than Demi. The first shot fired was when Nicki uploaded a photo of herself, Demi, and designer Jeremy Scott at the Met Gala.
Nicki, shady heffa that she is, neglected to tag Demi in the photo. I'd say that warranted an equally shady response from Demi … but unfortunately what we got was a mess. Demi took to Snapchat (ugh, here we go again) to "clap back." Then she posted another response on Instagram about how she never wants to return to the Met Gala.
After being called out for coming at Nicki, she amended the Instagram to say: "p.s. some of y'all need to learn how to take a joke.. I'm obviously laughing at the fact that 1. I look incredibly awkward and 2. That the shade being thrown in this picture actually gives me life 🙌🏼😂." Yeah, OK, girl. You were shaded, then you played yourself with a convoluted response. Plus, never amend your Instagram after you fire shots at someone. If you're gonna be petty, then you need to own it. Instead, Demi went on a rant about how at least she keeps it real and isn't "fake as fuck." She even suggested that her rant was due to her bipolar disorder, which … sigh. Don't do that. People with bipolar disorder have a lot more to worry about than whether or not Nicki Minaj tagged then in a goddamn Instagram.
Should Demi Delete Her Account? Please, girl, before you spin into the third act of Gone Girl and end up killing one of these pop divas you're feuding with.
How does Donald Trump manage to find new ways to be racist each week? "I love Hispanics!" Who in God's good name let you tweet this? How is this the man who will be awarded the Republican nomination for president? How do we literally have such a garbage, racist, disgusting human being running for the highest office in country? I … I can't. I hope he slurped down this taco bowl and bottomed for every one of his supporters that night.
Should Donald Delete His Account?