I know what you came here for. Yes, we are going to talk about Becky with the good hair, the mystery side chick called out on Beyoncé's Lemonade. But first — the only constant in the wake of tragedy is that people will, inevitably, insert themselves into other people's grief. So bear with me as I deal with the worst celebrity tweets about Prince's death. And then, my friends, we will get to Becky.
I realize it's en vogue to shade Rita Ora. There's always an air of "What are you doing here without Dorinda?" to most everything she does. But you know where the mystery stopped? Her relationship with Prince. If you're not on the Rita Ora train, then that's between you and your God, but let me tell you — my God, Prince Rogers Nelson, loved her. Not only did they collaborate on his penultimate album HITnRUN Phase One, but he also named her one of his favorite artists — alongside Beyoncé and Kendrick Lamar. Which is to say, Prince fucked with Rita Ora, but did he fuck with Lily Allen? Her name is nowhere on this list. She's been on the Pan soundtrack, but has she recorded a song with Prince? I didn't think so.
So when Rita, a friend of Prince's, typed out a heartfelt tribute to him, Lily Allen could've kept her ass from inserting herself into someone else's grief. Don't start no shit, won't be no shit, as Lil Jon and the YoungBloodZ once said. But she started some petty shit and boy, was there some shit. It was a petty, cruel, and vindictive act. She later tried to backtrack:
Girl, if you're gonna be petty at least own it. But maybe the day to be petty isn't the day Prince died, you know?
Should Lily Allen Delete Her Account? Yes. And pics, or it didn't happen.
Lol, girl, what? At first I was like, Why is Sharon Stone branding her tribute tweet to Prince? Then I looked through her timeline and realized she does this on every tweet. She knows how to use the Internet even less than Debra Messing. Sharon probably thinks Twitter is like email and you need to leave a signature on each tweet. It's almost cute, but you're not broke, Sharon. Hire an assistant to tweet for you.
Should Sharon Delete Her Account? Yes. Twitter is not for everyone and somehow, I have the feeling that #SharonStone might accidentally tweet something much worse down the line if she isn't saved now.
I want to get my hands on whatever weed B.o.B. is smoking. The fuck does this even mean? Snapchat filters … are building … negro, what?! The government can tap our phones, has our social security numbers, but a facial recognition database is being built from Snapchat filters? Between B.o.B. and Erykah Badu, I'd love it if black celebrities stopped trying to be deep on Twitter. Having melanin does not mean you are qualified to speak like a character from a Toni Morrison novel. B.o.B. is a step away from hosting "Vital Information" on All That.
Should B.o.B. Delete His Account? Yes. How do you manage to spit even more nonsensical fortune cookie wisdom than DJ Khaled?
What is with all these acronym rappers and complete lack of awareness? I would be very happy to only ever hear music (not H&M jingles tho) and not words from this truffle fry connoisseur. How blind must you be to the political climate and realities of black people in America that you could ever fix your mouth to say, "It’s interesting that in America the problem you’re allowed to talk about is Black Lives Matter. It's not a new thing to me — it’s what Lauryn Hill was saying in the 1990s, or Public Enemy in the 1980s. Is Beyoncé or Kendrick Lamar going to say Muslim Lives Matter? Or Syrian Lives Matter? Or this kid in Pakistan matters? That’s a more interesting question." Is it, girl? Because black people are still facing police brutality in America. Beyoncé is still drawn and quartered by the media for saying black lives matter. Barack Obama, our black president, tells us to stop shouting. Basically, it's hard out here to be black. But rather than understand nuance and speak coherently, M.I.A. feels better pitting one minority group against another. OK, cool. You know what that solves? Nothing. And to ignore the root of anti-blackness that still exists in America to make a cheap point in an interview, then double down on it on Twitter while shilling yourself to H&M for some coins, is beyond laughable.
Should M.I.A. Delete Her Account? Yeah, before she starts spitting out sponsored tweets about henleys and spring fashion finds.
The only respite from mourning Prince this weekend was Beyoncé's glorious ode to blackness that was Lemonade. The visual album presentation brutally dissects her marriage with Jay Z with lines like, "ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks" and "you better call Becky with the good hair." Some outlets comically scrambled to figure out who "Becky" was, not realizing that "Becky" is a generic, catch-all term for a white girl. You'd think as much as white people love Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back," they'd know that by now — "Oh my god, Becky, look at her butt!" — but I've stopped assuming that people are able to reasonably deduce obvious things about black culture. This one wasn't even hidden in plain sight. It's been right there since 1992.
At any rate, for some backstory on Rachel Roy, she's Dame Dash's ex and the mother of his child. Dame is Jay Z's ex-business partner. There've been rumors circulating for years that Jay Z had an affair with Rachel, which is allegedly the reason Solange beat his ass in an elevator at the Met Gala. But you know what this was? A rumor. I mean, despite the fact that Beyoncé posted a photo of herself wearing an Aaliyah shirt after the Gala (Aaliyah was involved with Dame before her death, so, shade to Rachel indeed), it was still a rumor. An amusing one, but no one was really paying attention to Rachel Roy. They couldn't even tell her apart from Rachael Ray, to be honest.
BUT THEN. Rachel pulled the thirstiest move you've ever seen from a rumored side chick. She posted an Instagram referencing "good hair" mere hours after Beyoncé's album dropped. Do you realize how much attention you must want to do that when the Internet is sleuthing for any and all clues as to who "Becky" is? You brought this on yourself, girl. This isn't victim blaming. You literally went stunting on the ‘gram, dancing like you wanted it, and tried to make Beyoncé's album about yourself. And then the Beyhive attacked, as they are wont to do. She tried to save herself from the onslaught of stings with this lil' statement:
Too little, too late, sis. You got the attention you wanted. Now you'll always be referred to as "Becky with the good hair."
Should Rachel Delete Her Account? In the words of Prince:
And speaking of playing yourself, Imma just leave this right here …