The 10-part FX series American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson tells the fascinating tale of Nicole Brown Simpson’s real-life killing and the ensuing media frenzy around the murder trial of her famous ex-husband, O.J. Simpson. Once again, in honor of "the morally corrupt" Faye Resnick, let’s see what Satan’s children are up to — this time in Episode 9, "Manna From Heaven" — and determine who’s the most morally bankrupt of them all.*
1. MARK FUHRMAN
Is it any wonder Fuhrman is currently employed by Fox News?
* Where do I even begin? This week, the infamous Fuhrman Tapes were uncovered — in them, he gave an interview to aspiring screenwriter Laura McKinny about being an LAPD officer. In these tapes, Fuhrman dropped the n-word so many times you'd think he was repping Cash Money Records in the '99 and the 2000.
* He also recounts stories of brutalizing black prisoners, throwing women down stairs, and generally falsifying evidence to convict whomever he wanted. You might've gone into this thinking there's no one more morally corrupt than O.J., but Fuhrman gives him a run for his money.
Last Week: 3
2. LAURA HART MCKINNY
The next Nora Ephron, probably.
* Teaches screenwriting in North Carolina, because I guess someone has to.
* Interviewed Mark Fuhrman and exposed him as a racist.
* Interviewed an LAPD officer who talked about brutalizing black people on the regular and literally did nothing with the tapes while she tried working on a screenplay about female police officers. Like, Fuhrman is describing committing actual crimes and sis is over here trying to write a Police Academy sequel. Not a good look!
Last Week: N/A
3. PEGGY YORK
Judge Ito's police officer wife, a.k.a. the woman who almost derailed the O.J. trial.
* Reprimanded Fuhrman for spraying "KKK" all over shit once.
* While she doesn't appear in this episode, that she earlier signed a waiver saying there are no conflicts with Ito presiding over the O.J. trial almost halts the proceedings. She hid her dealings with Fuhrman so her husband could get the most high-profile criminal case America's ever seen. Maybe it's commendable that she thought there wouldn't be a conflict, but it's also shady as hell.
Last Week: N/A
4. JOHNNIE COCHRAN
I went to the malls and I balled too hard. "Oh, my God, is that a black card?" I turned around and replied, "Why, yes. But I prefer the term African-American Express."
* When one of the Dream Team members starts crying, he tells her, "Shawn, dry them tears, girl, let's go!"
* This is a bit tricky. It's ultimately a good thing that Fuhrman was exposed as a racist dirtbag, so Johnnie gets points for that...
* ...But inciting potential riots and constantly having press conferences about the tapes was a bit much. At this point, Johnnie was putting Fuhrman on trial, not O.J. But that's a defense attorney's job, yes? There's just something extra sleazy about it here. He wants to "turn up the pressure," consequences be damned.
* Rants and raves about the Fuhrman Tapes being "manna from heaven," as if God were paying attention to this damn trial.
Last Week: 6
5. O.J. SIMPSON
He's been such a nonentity in the series you almost forget he's accused of murdering two people.
* He crows victoriously when Fuhrman gets nailed to the stand and pleads the Fifth on whether he planted evidence in the O.J. case. Seeing O.J. so excited to be getting out of prison, claiming he was framed by the LAPD, is like having an out-of-body experience.
Last Week: 7
Everyone is enrolled in the Sam Smith School of Discovering Racism this week.
* Between everyone clamoring for the Fuhrman Tapes to be released in increasingly histrionic ways and white people sobbing over the fact that someone used the n-word so much, it was quite a week for America.
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7. MARCIA CLARK
I miss the halcyon days of Marcia's perm.
* Got full custody from her wack-ass husband.
* Stood in solidarity with Chris Darden when he was in danger of being held in contempt of court.
* Tried to buck with Darden about Fuhrman, which was her own fault.
Last Week: 5
8. JUDGE ITO
Serves at the pleasure of Johnnie Cochran.
* Releases only what he deems to be the relevant part of the Fuhrman Tapes to the jury, which is to be expected.
* Recuses himself from deciding whether the tapes would even be included in the trial, due to his wife's involvement.
* Threatens to hold the prosecution in contempt for rightly calling him out on bending to everything the O.J. team wanted.
Last Week: 9
9. F. LEE BAILEY
He speaks fluent Confederacy.
* Takes over the reins from Johnnie in the deep Confederate flag–waving North Carolina so they can persuade a judge to release the Fuhrman Tapes.
* Does it a bit too well.
Last Week: 2
10. ROBERT SHAPIRO
Increasingly frantic outside of his Hawaiian shirts.
* When Johnnie talks about turning up the pressure, Bob screeches at him, "Pressure! You wanna turn up the pressure! This city's about to explode! We have enough pressure!!!"
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11. CHRIS DARDEN
He's on his Danny Glover. He's getting too old for this shit.
* Lashes out at Johnnie for playing him like he's a traitor to black people.
* Hits Marcia Clark with the tea that while she wanted a black person on the prosecution, she never wanted a "black voice," and should've listened to him when he said not to put Fuhrman on the stand.
Last Week: N/A
12. ROBERT KARDASHIAN
Currently writing a young-adult novel titled My BFF Is a Monster.
* Robert's utter horror when he sees O.J. cheering over the fact that he's likely getting out of prison soon was a thing of beauty. He realizes what kind of monster his friend is, but he can't do anything about it.
Last Week: 8
13. BARRY SCHECK
Clearly still paying off Tisch School of the Arts loans or something.
* Rightfully wonders how someone can teach screenwriting classes when they've never actually sold a screenplay. You tell me, Barry. Let's talk about grad school.
Last Week: 4