The 10 All-Time Sexiest Movie MILFs

[caption id="attachment_176911" align="alignleft" width="300"]Movie MILFs Paramount/Sony/Lionsgate[/caption]

Among circumstances that are devastating for you and awesome for everyone else, having a hot mom ranks near the top.

If it's you with the hot mom, there's nothing positive about it. You are the kid with the hot mom. Your friends could be asexual boy scouts and they'll still talk about how hot your mom is with relative frequency.

If it's your friend with the hot mom? A+! Congratulations! What a life bonus!

The children of the following ten movie characters have had to deal with a lot. Their (fictional) moms are incredibly sexy. Let's discuss.

10. Jennifer Coolidge in 'American Pie' (1999)

American Pie

The thing that's unique about Coolidge and why she receives the honor of batting leadoff on this list is that she's not exactly "classically" MILF-hot in the sense of "Overall hot woman who also happens to have children" MILF-hot (yes, there are categories of MILF-hotness as of right now). Instead, what Coolidge brings is a lack of subtlety to the proceedings, which almost rates as much as general attractiveness when assessing MILF-sexiness. (That sentence isn't going on my resume.) There's no ambiguity: She will go for teenagers, and the fact that Coolidge is a hilarious comedic actress is the proverbial cherry on top. Plus, the term "MILF" itself was coined in her name. Well done, Jen.

9. Diane Lane in 'Unfaithful' (2002)


Diane Lane's role in "Unfaithful" was great at the time because it was equally beloved by critics and creep-shows alike. So whereas perverts in raincoats would permeate theaters across the country on sunny days to see Lane get down with Olivier Martinez in the movie, they could still subsequently pretend to discuss it on a "Diane Lane deserves the Oscar! She was fantastic!" level in public amongst their more straight-edge friends. It was a win-win for everybody. Also ... holy hell Diane Lane in this movie. Jesus H.

8. Kim Basinger in '8 Mile' (2002)

8 Mile

Poor B-Rabbit. Not only does no one from the hood believe in his rap skillz, but he also has to deal with the fact that he has the hottest mom in the trailer park and the truly horrifying Michael Shannon was among those who noticed. Not fun. The most surprising thing about "8 Mile" wasn't Eminem's previously-unheralded acting abilities; it was the lack of dialogue amongst Rabbit's friends about Basinger's sexiness. They would have been all over that — or at least some sort of question along the lines of, "So if you guys are broke trailer trash, how come your mom has a $700 haircut?"

7. Maria Bello in 'A History of Violence' (2005)

A History of Violence

Bello's sexiness is kind of lost in the shuffle of a really good movie in "A History of Violence." You're often too busy doing other things to notice Bello, like trying to figure out if Viggo Mortensen is who he seems: an actual human versus a real-life fully-grown Pinocchio doll (BURN jk luv u Viggo). But then director David Cronenberg makes you remember with two different "Whoooaaa" scenes, both to break up the "Holy s**t everyone might die in a hail of bullets at any moment" vibe of the movie and to say "And BTW yes I know I have Maria Bello in my movie; everyone calm down." We're calm, Dave. Jeez.

6. Eva Mendes in 'Training Day' (2001)

Training Day

Denzel Washington's character in "Training Day" may have done a lot of bad things and made a lot of poor choices, but Eva Mendes wasn't one of them. (And while we're here, so as to pull back on the perv-status of this entire article for a second, the kid who played their son was adorable. Okay, back to discussing naked chicks.) It almost made you feel bad for Denzel as he was lit up by the Russkies at the end of the movie — not only did he lose his life, but he never gets to spend any "alone time" with Eva ever again. Life is sad sometimes, guys.

5. Halle Berry in 'Monster's Ball' (2001)

Monster's Ball

Hoooooooohhhh boy, Halle Berry. Yikes. Because of "Monster's Ball," Berry has a real, actual answer to the normally demeaning-but-facetious "You got an Oscar? Who'd you have to screw to get that?" question: "Billy Bob Thornton, actually. But it was fake." Or was it? How surprised would you be, exactly, if it wasn't? Also, how grossed out? Side note: Billy Bob was rolling pretty f**king well in 2001, no? "Boy, that was some great morning sex, Angie, but I gotta run out and get paid to get naked with Halle Berry now. Back at six for dinner!" Yes, it was disgusting at the time, and it's disgusting now.

4. Jane Seymour in 'Wedding Crashers' (2005)

Wedding Crashers

See? Even when the children are all girls, it's still not fun to have a hot mom, e.g., when she corners your future husband in his bedroom and asks him to squeeze her brand new boobs. And also, see? It's still great for the rest of us! I feel like Seymour was introduced to a brand new generation of people as a MILF in "Wedding Crashers," which is not to say nobody my age knew she could bring it, so to speak, but ... actually, yes, it is to say that, now that I think about it. She was throwing heat in that movie, and she's still at least painting the corners at 91 or 92 MPH in her current run of "Open Heart Pendant" commercials for Kay Jewelers.

3. Demi Moore in 'Striptease' (1996)


We're not sure "Striptease" was about anything more than Demi Moore at the height of her career saying, "Hey, I'm super hot and I'd like a movie where I play a character with noble intentions who nonetheless is naked all the time, if that's possible" and Hollywood's most easily-influenced producers (also known as just "producers") saying "Sure!" And that was fine with all of us, too. She's still quite attractive these days as well, I might add, if not quite good enough for a certain star of a s**tty CBS sitcom.

2. Angelina Jolie in 'Beowulf' (2007)


The great thing about adapting books or graphic novels or video games or poems or Don Henley songs to movies is that you don't have to stay true to the source at all so long as you keep the title and the names of some of its characters. Take Angelina Jolie as Grendel's Mother in "Beowulf," for example. Does it say anywhere in the original poem that Grendel's Mom had anything close to Angelina Jolie's body? No. Did the film's producers still cast Jolie and only lightly touch up her naked body (her character's wardrobe) in post so as not to have an NC-17 movie and a mess on their hands (pun intended)? You bet. It's a great country.

1. Anne Bancroft in 'The Graduate' (1967)

The Graduate

Yes, the "MILF" was coined by John Cho in "American Pie" because of Coolidge, but everyone and their mother acknowledges that the first true MILF was indeed Anne Bancroft, who took a trip to Poundtown with a young Dustin Hoffman in "The Graduate." Bancroft was also (of course) the influence to Simon and Garfunkel's classic "Mrs. Robinson," and with all due respect to Coolidge, Simon and Garfunkel have never written a song about her (unless you count their 1987 power ballad, "Stifler's Mom."**) Even posthumously, Bancroft rules the roost.

**Doesn't exist