Eff, Marry, Kill: Oscar Surprises 2013 Edition


We don't know if you've heard, but something went down last night. Something happened in Hollywood, something the world saw and won't stop talking about.

Yeah, we're talking about Jennifer Lawrence falling down the 2013 Oscars. (Well, and J-Law's tumble, but we'll get to that.)

Since this is NextMovie and we're not really the type to come at things head-on, we knew that we wanted to recap the Oscars, but how? The only way we know: With a game of Eff, Marry, Kill.

This isn't a hot-or-not, more  of a thoughful, mature look at the night that was. (Cough.) Our trusty FMKers ranked the three surprises from the night that shocked us most — Ang Lee's win for Best Director in a wide-open field, "Zero Dark Thirty" and "Skyfall" tying for Best Sound Editing, and, of course, Jennifer Lawrence falling ass-over-Dior on her way up to accept her Best Actress statue — and DTR. What shocks can we live with? What do we sneaky love? What gets the knife?

Before you read our panelists' picks and rationale below, please vote in our poll and explain yourself in the comments. Now grab your ballgowns and join us for Eff, Marry, Kill: Oscar Surprises 2013 Edition!

Christopher Rosen, Huffington Post Entertainment editor

Apologies in advance to the long, flowing locks of "Zero Dark Thirty" sound editor Paul N.J. Ottosson and "Skyfall" sound editor Per Hallberg, but you've got to kill that tie in the Best Sound Editing category. Tying at the Oscars is cool when it happens to Barbra Streisand and Katharine Hepburn, not two guys from the "Game of Thrones" convention.

That leaves Ang and J.Law: I'll eff Lee's Best Director win, if only because it's the kinky kind that only seems to happen when Lee is nominated: the Best Director Oscar without a corresponding win for Best Picture. (Lee turned this trick in 2006 with "Brokeback Mountain," the last time those two categories split.) That leaves Lawrence's stumble as my blushing bride, the type of spontaneous moment that happens so rarely at the Oscars. It's the best thing ever, but not because lol Jennifer Lawrence fell down; it's the best thing ever because Jennifer Lawrence fell down and it was maybe the sixth greatest thing she did on Oscar night? Lawrence introduced Adele, won Best Actress, joked about falling down, wished Emmanuelle Riva a happy birthday, flipped off the press, batted away advances from Jack Nicholson and basically took over Hollywood. The only thing that stopped her was her dress. Girl is on fire.

Eff: Best Director

Marry: Lawrence's fall

Kill: Sound editing tie

Brooke Tarnoff, NextMovie senior editor

How can I not want to kill Jennifer Lawrence's stumble? What kind of monster do you take me for? That beautiful girl and her big moment, thwarted by the cruelty of fate and a super long dress — I want to terminate it in the face. I'd gladly eff the rare occurrence of a tied vote; it's special, and who doesn't want to be with something special, if only for a night? Of course, I'm going to marry Ang Lee winning Best Director; I didn't see it coming, and his fellow nominees were plenty deserving, but the man is crazy talented and his "thank you, Movie God," speech was cute as a genius' button.

Eff: Sound editing tie

Marry: Best Director

Kill: Lawrence's fall

Kase Wickman, NextMovie staff

When Jennifer Lawrence ate it on those stairs, the crowded room of people I was watching the Oscars with collectively gasped, then fell dead silent. Mortifying. Mortifying. But I feel like there's only one thing to do about taking that kind of stumble, which is exactly what I feel like my girl J-Law decided to do: Eff it.She stumbled, got up and moved on with being awesome. I can only hope to do the same, except wearing, you know. Flat shoes and non-couture outfits. That's just my style though. I don't do Dior well.

And then there were two. The dueling editing wizards: dead. Sorry. Wizrds never really die anyway, so it's really a win-win. Which leaves us with Ang "Adorable Adorable" Lee. You guys. You guys! Just think of how much he loves his wife, and how much I will love his smiley acceptance speech, and wish us well. A blessing upon our house. That's all I want.

Eff: Lawrence's fall

Marry: Best Director

Kill: Sound editing tie

What do you think? Be sure to sound off in the poll and comments, and hit us up on Twitter.