[caption id="attachment_163744" align="alignleft" width="300"] Warner Bros.[/caption]
By now you've probably seen the ad for Sylvester Stallone's "Bullet to the Head" in which the following exchange happens:
[Stallone murders a bad guy.]
Stallone sidekick (aghast): "You don't just kill a guy like that!"
Stallone (satisfied): "I just did."
This type of scene is ubiquitous in the Stallone canon; either a nobody supporting character serves up an alley-oop that Stallone confidently finishes (not unlike the above exchange) or Stallone delivers the gold by himself. Either way, we're all winners.
With so many cheesy lines, it was tough to choose just ten. But someone had to do it.
(Special thanks to this video for most of the material, even though its midpoint is unfortunately a creepy shot of Stallone's character in "Spy Kids 3D.")
10. 'Lock-Up' (1989)
THE SCENE: A guard at a prison threatens to rape Sly's girlfriend. In turn, bad things happen to the guard's genitals.
9. 'Cobra' (1986)
THE SCENE: A hostage situation at a grocery store. The cure arrives. It's Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti. Not the band.
8. 'Tango & Cash' (1989)
THE SCENE: A bad guy is holding up Cash (Kurt Russell) just when Tango (Stallone) arrives to mock the villain's hair in a British accent.
7. 'Demolition Man' (1993)
THE SCENE: John Spartan (Stallone) is confused that there is no sex in the future. Well, you know, not "sex" per se, but ...
6. 'Rocky II' (1979)
THE SCENE: Mickey (Burgess Meredith) makes Rocky (Stallone) chase a chicken. Rocky attempts a joke about the experience.
5. 'Judge Dredd' (1995)
THE SCENE: Judge Dredd (Stallone) administers his verdict and also his scowl and his grimace.
4. 'Cobra' (1986)
THE SCENE: Cobretti (Stallone) calmly explains the difference between himself and the court of law to a sucka.
3. 'Demolition Man' (1993)
THE SCENE: Spartan (Stallone) shows the rooks (Benjamin Bratt, Sandra Bullock) a thing or two about topical humor. "Oh dear" is right, Ben.
2. 'Tango & Cash' (1989)
THE SCENE: Tango (Stallone) isn't a fan of the "Rambo" movies and has apparently never noticed their similar facial features.
1. 'Judge Dredd' (1995)
THE SCENE: Judge Dredd (Stallone) voices his displeasure about having been framed and reveals his secret identity.
Just Missed the Cut:
"Relax, amigo. You want to talk? We'll talk. I'm a sucker for good conversation." — "Cobra"
"What do you know — it's snowing!" — "Tango and Cash"
"Is it cold in here, or is it just me?" — "Demolition Man"
"ADRIAN!" — multiple "Rocky" movies (if you're cynical)
"It's uptown for Cosmo." — "Paradise Alley"