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Ah, the YouTube comments section. An anarchist's wet dream. The 2013 Wild West. Vaunted Land of the Mouth Breathers. And the only place fit to appropriately break down this year's Oscar nominees for acting.
Indeed, no nominee is safe from the wrath of the sub-100 IQ anonymous. Best Actors and Actresses, you're up first. Step right up and be mocked by the kings of the typo!
1. DENZEL WASHINGTON, 'Flight'
Yep, it's "Remember the Titans" and nothing else for poor Denzel. Could never hold a candle to Wesley Snipes. LMAO indeed, realrocky8591!
2. DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, 'Lincoln'
You said it, Mr. Vargas. I've heard the same — he's kind of like Planfield (sp), but not really.
3. BRADLEY COOPER, 'Silver Linings Playbook'
Yeah! Get him "mgrooms55"! Show that successful person who's boss!
4. HUGH JACKMAN, 'Les Miserables'
To be fair, he's right: valet is full of millions. (I don't know what that means.)
5. JOAQUIN PHOENIX, 'The Master'
Yikes! It's just a rap song, "f**kgd1," it'll be over in a minute! Guessing your rage issues will still be there, though.
1. JESSICA CHASTAIN, 'Zero Dark Thirty'
Short and sweet. Well, short.
2. JENNIFER LAWRENCE, 'Silver Linings Playbook'
moira robinson, the e.e. cummings of the youtube comments section.
3. QUVENZHANE WALLIS, 'Beasts of the Southern Wild'
Yeah, what a bitch! Who does she think she is, the first "newflava"?
4. NAOMI WATTS, 'The Impossible'
Naomi Watts owns Google. And I learned something today.
5. EMMANUELLE RIVA, 'Amour'
There's just not that many people talking crap about Emmanuelle Riva on YouTube. But ... her movies suck, I guess?
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
1. ALAN ARKIN, 'Argo'
lmao i know wut iz going on rite nOW
2. ROBERT DE NIRO, 'Silver Linings Playbook'
That's right, Robert. Creed and honor comes from creating the username "onetrashdancer" and calling Robert De Niro a bitch on YouTube. You should know that by now.
3. PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, 'The Master'
More like Philip Seymour OBAMMA!!
4. TOMMY LEE JONES, 'Lincoln'
Other than that, though, he's a really good guy.
5. CHRISTOPH WALTZ, 'Django Unchained'
Just add a "lol" to any inflammatory comment and you're gold! Everyone who reads NextMovie sucks lol.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
1. AMY ADAMS, 'The Master'
I know, Sven, what happened to her? She really let herself go (to the Oscars as a nominee for like the 384th straight year).
2. SALLY FIELD, 'Lincoln'
Jim Bean sounds like a really lovely dinner date and also a person who can't spell "actress."
3. ANNE HATHAWAY, 'Les Miserables'
I so know what you mean, Honey Badger. Ugh, so moving on to Helen Hunt right now ...
4. HELEN HUNT, 'The Sessions'
"Halen Hunt" sounds like something David Lee Roth would have organized in the mid-'80s. And neither Halen nor Helen were in "Flight Plan," bemyown007.
5. JACKI WEAVER, 'Silver Linings Playbook'
Even the YouTube comments section needs a champion! Jacki Weaver, woman of the (half-witted) people.