Who among you had Scarlett Johansson receiving an Oscar nomination today but not Kathryn Bigelow? Anyone? Johansson's loved ones? James Cameron? (Okay, James Cameron probably did).
Indeed: Recording artist Scarlett Johansson, summa cum laude graduate of the Gwyneth Paltrow School of I'm Famous For Acting So That Means I'm Excellent at Everything Now, was nominated for an Oscar this morning for the above song, "Before My Time," from the little-seen melting glaciers documentary "Chasing Ice."
We're not here to rain on anyone's parade, necessarily. Johansson probably should have been nominated for "Lost in Translation" (for acting). "Chasing Ice" was a wonderful film about an important topic, probably. (We did say "little-seen.") But the film itself wasn't even given an Oscar nod for Best Documentary, so the decision to give an otherwise-not-nominated documentary a "Best Song" nod was a little conspicuous, especially when the song itself is...what's the word...oh, right: bad. It's bad. Super depressing, too, but also just totally unremarkable in every way.
You can't just speak into a microphone in your own voice for three minutes and get nominated for an Oscar, right? The Academy does still have some standards, yes? I know this is the same institution that gave Three 6 Mafia an Oscar before Martin Scorsese and awarded "Best Picture" to a movie about eradicating racism via coincidences, but where do we draw the line, exactly?
We'd all love to see Johansson on the red carpet this year, of course, but it can't be about that. I'm sure the Grammies would have loved to have had Eddie Murphy for the 1986 ceremony, but "Party All The Time" is worse than the death screams at the end of "Grizzly Man," so they rightfully decided that probably wouldn't be a good idea. And EVERYONE wins a Grammy.
Anyway, congratulations, Scarlett, and now that you're here, we're rooting for you. Why not? Hopefully you even get to sing it at the show to help us all get a nice power nap through the more boring parts. (I kid! I don't need your song to do that.)
Also check out: Oscar Nominations 2013: The Biggest Surprises And Snubs