[caption id="attachment_158522" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Disney / Universal / Sony[/caption]
As we established in our list of the 25 Best Movies of 2012, it was a pretty great year at the multiplexes.
But in what you are about to read below, well, there is no "good."
Some of these actually didn't do too badly in the box office and one might incite some rage from a certain fan army (sorry guys, but our whole staff agreed!), but either way, we want to know what you think. Read up on our 10 clunkers of 2012 and hit up the comments section below with your two cents.
10. 'Dark Shadows'
[caption id="attachment_124218" align="alignright" width="150"] Warner Bros.[/caption]
"Dark Shadows" lost at its own game. It seems like Tim Burton meant to harness the power of kitsch in his big screen adaptation of camptastic '70s soap opera "Dark Shadows," flirting with the border of "so bad it's good" territory... and overshot his mark by a mile. Great actors go horribly wasted in this wandering mess of a movie, and the fact that it looks pretty cool only serves to highlight how badly this vampire story bites: Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Chloe Moretz and some great-looking sets almost have to try to make me hate them. If I didn't know better, I'd assume they tried pretty hard. — Brooke Tarnoff
[caption id="attachment_158533" align="alignright" width="150"] Lionsgate[/caption]
This movie stars Katherine Heigl – what more do you need to know? OK, well, just in case, you should know that her character Stephanie Plum gets into the bail bonds business and her first assignment puts her on the trail of her ex. Delightful, right? Something tells us Heigl, who notoriously departed from "Grey's Anatomy" amidst much drama despite earning an Emmy award for her performance, did this film the exact reasons the title says. — Breanne L. Heldman
[caption id="attachment_124213" align="alignright" width="150"] 20th Century Fox[/caption]
Who thought this was a good idea? Does the Great Emancipator really need to add demon slaying to his resume? This movie is 105 minutes of cringe-worthy cheese that takes itself too seriously while portraying the secretly rockin' nightlife of Honest Abe while he pursues a lifelong vendetta against the forces of evil. Oh, and the Confederate Army. Who are also vampires. Maybe the producers heard about Spielberg's "Lincoln" in pre-production and figured they had to find a way to top it. Maybe they just thought it was a funny joke to make audiences sit through nearly two hours of that slop. Maybe they're really just self-loathing vampires themselves. The world may never know. (And, spoiler alert, the ending implication that Abe may have been a vampire himself and thus survived assassination? Rude.) — Kase Wickman
[caption id="attachment_158532" align="alignright" width="150"] FilmDistrict[/caption]
Ah, the story of a morally tarnished athlete who finds his heart of gold on the soccer field, amidst his young son's teammates and a bunch of MILFs. What could be finer... other than EVERYTHING? Gerard Butler isn't inherently terrible — he was kind of good in "300," if memory serves — but he keeps returning to reductive rom-com drivel. Whatever this says about his acting ability pales in comparison to the message it sends about his taste. (That message, if it wasn't clear: bad.) — BT
[caption id="attachment_98687" align="alignright" width="150"] Disney[/caption]
You gotta feel a little bad for the nice, talented folks behind this turkey: writer/director Andrew Stanton, the Pixar pro who shepherded this through development as a passion project; Taylor Kitsch, the "Friday Night Lights" alum making some bum movies; Willem Dafoe, who's awesome because he's Willem Dafoe. But anytime you spend 250 precious million dollars on a movie, you'd better hope it works. And "JC" doesn't one bit. From its risky usage of a hero Confederate to its "Phantom Menace"-like ETs to its overall utter convolutedness, "Carter" is an incoherent, disjointed mess that left movie fans of all stripes scratching their heads. — KP
[caption id="attachment_124221" align="alignright" width="150"] Universal[/caption]
More like "Snow White and the Hunts-mehhh." Kristen Stewart is great at posing and making tough faces while wearing just-for-ladies armor on a red carpet, but a master thespian she's not. K.Stew has only a handful of lines in this two-hour drudge of a film, and Chris Hemsworth, while great at grunting and looking handsome, is not so great at enunciating. The best part of this movie was watching Charlize Theron as the evil queen Ravenna, melting in and out of various shapes while screaming like a banshee. She's a crow! She's a lady again! She's a puddle! This is great! Oh, now we're back in the woods with Bella and Thor. Zzzzzz. Pass. — KW
4. 'Red Dawn'
[caption id="attachment_158531" align="alignright" width="150"] Lionsgate[/caption]
It's never a good sign when a movie sits on the shelves for a few years (jeez Louise, how many spring/summer/fall previews was this thing included in?). But "Dawn" almost looked like it could benefit from its shelving (due to MGM's financial woes), as stars Chris Hemsworth ("Thor") and Josh Hutcherson ("Hunger Games") blew the hell up amid the delay. But nope. America saw "Dawn" for what it was, another wholly unnecessary remake that not only doesn't improve on the original, but taints our memory of it (not that the '84 Swayze edition was a masterpiece). And don't get us started on the amazingly offensive "ethnicity tweaks" done in post-production. What were you thinking? — KP
[caption id="attachment_158530" align="alignright" width="150"] Summit[/caption]
Possibly the worst thing about this movie — and trust me, that's saying a lot — is how good Elizabeth Banks is in it. She never appears to be acting; she seems uncannily real in every role, like human tofu picking up the flavor of whatever movie she's in. In this case, it just serves to make everything around her seem even more false, including the implausible plot, the wooden performances, the ridiculous dialogue and Sam Worthington's mullet. Which, by the way, is the second worst thing about this movie. A mullet? For crying out loud. — BT
[caption id="attachment_158528" align="alignright" width="150"] Sony[/caption]
This is an Adam Sandler movie: are you shocked to find it on this list? We didn't think so, but just so you have the ammo for properly mocking this clunker, here's what you need to know. As a young teen, Sandler's character knocked up his teacher (Eva Amurri) and became an instant celebrity. Now, after nearly 30 years, he's a broke nobody with a beef with Vanilla Ice and a son (Andy Samberg) who refuses to acknowledge any relation to him. Believe it or not, it all goes downhill from there, with hijinks including infidelity, severe alcoholism and incest. Hilarious, right? — BH
[caption id="attachment_158529" align="alignright" width="150"] Paramount[/caption]
Among our staff, we've been to literally thousands of advance screenings, many of them "promotional," which, as you may know, is when a studio gives out passes to moviegoers as opposed or in addition to movie critics. These audiences tend to be kind to the movies — far more kind than cranky critics, that's for sure — but the promotional screening we attended for this clunker marked the first time EVER we witnessed a crowd boo the film during its end credits. Proof that the mockumentary/found footage approach doesn't always work, "Devil Inside" just feels phony, with shoddy acting, forced scares and an anti-climactic, utterly ridiculous ending that deservedly brought out the boo birds. — KP