Eff, Marry, Kill: 'Hitchcock' Edition

[caption id="attachment_155396" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Getty Images / NextMovie[/caption]Choosing between gravy or more gravy and sweet potatoes or more sweet potatoes at Thanksgiving may have seemed like a difficult call, but you haven't seen anything yet. Try deciding whether to have a one-night stand with Jessica Biel or Scarlett Johansson.

Welcome to our "Hitchcock" edition of Eff, Marry, Kill.

This game goes exactly how you think it does. We want you to determine which actress — Biel, Johansson or Dame Helen Mirren — you'd like to spend the rest of your days with, whose days you'd like to end for good and which one you'd enjoy (or suffer through, as the case may be) spending one single night with.

Because such decisions are so difficult, we've asked a few of our buds to weigh in. Hit the poll below and hear thoughts from our experts underneath. And don't forget to give us your thoughts in the comments!

Matt Sullivan, Articles Editor, InTouch Weekly

The always sleazy and queasy "Eff, Marry, Kill" question somehow becomes even creepier in this Hitchcockian context. But in the macabre spirit of Hitch, I'll play along... Going by my personal philosophy, "WWJTD?" (What Would Justin Timberlake Do?), I guess I would eff Scarlett, marry Jessica and... oh no, Justin Timberlake is definitely going to kill Helen Mirren! Run for your life, Dame Helen!

Eff: Scarlett Johansson

Marry: Jessica Biel

Kill: Helen Mirren

Josh Wigler, Editor, MTV Splashpage

[caption id="attachment_36347" align="alignright" width="300"]Helen Mirren Getty Images[/caption]

First of all, how can I resist a death match against the Black Widow? Nothing personal, Scarlett Johanssen, but if I'm capable of killing one of Earth's mightiest heroes, then maybe (bigemphasis on maybe) I actually stand a chance at becoming a man. (The Bar Mitzvah didn't work, mom!) In other ways to become a man, I would totally eff Jessica Biel. No explanation required. Which leaves Helen Mirren as my beautiful bride, and I'd have it no other way. Our time together would be limited, given our age difference (and assuming Zombie ScarJo won't return from the grave and eat me alive before the end of my natural lifespan), but it would be a time full of laughter, wisdom and friendship. Oh, and sex. Lots and lots of sex. (Hey, I've seen "Red." Queen's still got it.)

Eff: Jessica Biel

Marry: Helen Mirren

Kill: Scarlett Johansson

Kevin Polowy, Executive Editor, NextMovie

Oh, this one's easy. I am marrying The Queen, for sure. Helen Mirren is everything I look for in a woman: Smart, funny, sexy, tough, a dame... As for the May-December thing, quoth Aaliyah: "Age ain't nothing but a number." That leaves Scarlett Johansson for the effing, and without going into too much detail, I will say it'd involve chicken wings and her Black Widow costume. And speaking of widowing, sorry JT, but JB just got killed!

Eff: Scarlett Johansson

Marry: Helen Mirren

Kill: Jessica Biel