New 'Avengers' Trailer Causes Total Fanboy Freakout

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If our friends in the licensing departments at major Hollywood movie studios are looking for yet another branding opportunity, they might want to consider emergency medical bracelets. When a major fanboy trailer drops, I know that many of us drop with it.

If it weren't for the resuscitating pokes from the claw of my cat, I may still be at the foot of my desk like a sack of deep fried potatoes.

Have you seen the new "Avengers" trailer!?!?

"Marvel's The Avengers," the correct title for the film (unless you are in England, in which case it is "Marvel's Avengers Assemble," which I thought was silly until I saw that in, like, other countries, it won't even be in English! What's up, Portugal? Have fun at "Os Vingadores") pulled a few tricks out of its sleeve with a Leap Day trailer that ought to keep nerds happy for another four years. Here are the moments that raised my blood pressure levels to dangerously high levels.


Fin Fangservice Foom

Since everyone in this and all parallel universes was trying to watch the same quicktime video at once, there was a lot of hiccuping, so I accidentally saw the big final reveal before the rest of the trailer. My first thought was that the giant Skrull ship (and we're still assuming that the baddies are Skrulls) kinda had a face. Then I realized that the face slightly resembled urSu the urRu from "The Dark Crystal." It wasn't until hours later (or maybe the thought hit me during the period I lay prostrate on the floor) that this giant, slightly “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” looking beastie might actually be Fin Fang Foom!

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FFF, of course, is Marvel's slightly racist dragon monster from Kakaranathara, also known as Makla IV, also known as Space China. He's best remembered as an "Iron Man" villain, but versions of the creature have also crossed swords with Thor and the Hulk. (And the Fantastic Four, but nobody tell the lawyers at 20th Century Fox.)

Hey, I've Had A Mushroom Omelet There!

Not all of "Marvel's The Avengers" was actually shot in New York City, and going through this trailer frame by frame proves it. But there's a great deal of it that is legit. That final 360 swoop, where all the heroes are ready to do business (and no one has the guts to tell Black Widow to find a bigger gun) is on an actual stretch of road called the Pershing Square Viaduct. It goes up to and around the second level of Grand Central Terminal. Directly beneath Earth's Mightiest Heroes' feet is a commuter restaurant called the Pershing Square Cafe that boasts "the Busiest and Best Breakfast in New York."

I'd like to think Tony takes everyone out for waffles once the Skrull-killin' is done.

Skyline Enhancements

There's a moment when we catch a glimpse of the Stark Tower where, so I'd imagine, Iron Man sends semaphore messages to the Baxter Building and OSCORP in an attempt to free the Marvel Universe of its corporate choke-hold.

It looks cool as hell, but at first glance the helicopter pad next to additional stories of a sleek interior seems impractical. How can anyone work (or, knowing Tony, live) next to where choppers are taking off and landing? Later on we'll see the pad in action – it isn't meant for pilots and helicopters. It's meant for IRON MEN.

And I'm reminded that I'm a failure because I'm not a billionaire scientist industrialist.

Put That On A Loop, Please

I have faith in Joss Whedon that there are a lot of OHMIGODDIDYOUSEETHAT moments awaiting us in "Marvel's Os Vingadores." So I don't mind that we got spoiled on the one where Iron Man flies directly into enemy fire, gets shot down, starts falling like a sack of magnetic hearts and is rescued by a leaping Incredible Hulk who then slides down the side of a building, tearing into it with his forearm to slow himself down.

(PS, for my medical team who is reading this and doing inquiry into my recent bout of unconsciousness, this is where I first started to hear echoes and see stars.)

In any film, this would suffice, but I believe this to be only one of many forthcoming money shots. Which is why I'm bringing a day nurse with me to the screening.

Will there be a better movie than "Marvel's The Avengers" this summer? Maybe... probably. I mean, "The Dark Knight Rising" and "Prometheus" are looking outrageous. Will there be a trailer that draws more breath from the daydreams of comic-reading fanboys? I strongly doubt it.

Come back every Thursday for more intergalactic musings on Planet Fanboy and follow its fearless leader Jordan Hoffman on Twitter! Check out previous Fanboy columns here!