2012 Preview: The Year in Fanboy, Part 1

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Here at Planet Fanboy we like to be prepared. We don't just waltz down to the metroplex and stare up at the marquee and go "uhhhhhhhh" like mindless drones who deserve to be shot out of an airlock into deep space.

This is serious business.

I don't know about you, but I've got my whole year of movie watching planned out. Feel free to crib from my sheet, and if we have the option to go to a theater with one of those soda machines with seven hundred flavors, let's go there.

Here's Part 1 of the 2012 preview:

The Rest of January:

A cold cruel month that isn't all that welcoming for quality fanboy cinema. Short of seeing Ra's Al-Ghul/Qui Gon-Jin battle wolves in "The Grey" on Jan 27, this is an opportunity to catch up on all those unopened Blu-rays.

February 10 – "Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace in 3-D"

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Because we all need to see Watto's big anti-semetic stereotype schnozz in 3-D! We're going to this, but we're going to talk back at the screen the whole time. (Except for during the podrace and the Darth Maul parts.)

February 17 – "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance"

I've actually seen this movie already. It's horrible. It makes the first one look like "Iron Man." There's one funny part where Nic Cage goes all "not the bees!"-style crazy. You'll love that when you see it on YouTube.

March 9 – "John Carter"

Yay! The first real fanboy movie of the year, and its in the "300" calendar slot. Considering how well Pixar's Brad Bird made the jump to live action with "Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol," I'm hoping Andrew Stanton can continue the trend. Frankly, the trailers only have me somewhat-sold, but considering how starved I'll be for giant interstellar beasts by March 9th I'll be lapping this up.

March 16 – "Wrath of the Titans"

A sequel nobody asked for by a director nobody likes. I have a theory. The theory is that this is actually gonna be a great deal of poppish, breezy fun. Let's wait and see.

March 23 – "The Hunger Games"

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure it's gonna be great. And I'm also sure there's a good chance there's a girl who named her cat Haymitch who'll want to go with you. Just be true to yourself and be sure to make a few loud references to Kinji Fukasaku's "Battle Royale" on line.

April 23 – "Cabin in the Woods"

Here's another one I've been lucky enough to see and I can tell you that IT IS AWESOME. This Whedon-penned film starts off as just another really clever horror flick, but then they peel the curtain back and OHMYGOD you have no idea how awesome this gets. Josh Lyman from "The West Wing" steals the show – and that's nothing I ever expected to saywithout the influence of drugs or alcohol.

May 4 – "The Avengers," Excuse me, "Marvel's The Avengers."

I'm still waiting for the great big "fooled you!" on this one. Never in the history of modern cinema has there been a crescendo of big

budget films leading to a team-up like this. I hope they say "Assemble" like five hundred times.

May 11 – "Dark Shadows"?

I dunno. Go see "Avengers" again.

May 18 – "Battleship"

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Oy. Go see "Avengers" again.

May 25 – "Men in Black III"

The most troubled production in recent history had had an unprecedented amount of reshoots. But the first “MIB” was a landmark

and the second one was fun, too. (Probably. I don't really remember that one too well.) Fingers crossed on this one, I want it to be good.

June 1 – "Snow White and the Huntsman"

This has one of the best teaser trailers out there right now. And in addition to great special effects and Charlize Theron looking spooky it has every British actor ever. It's like "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" with dwarves instead of intelligence agents.

June 8 – "Prometheus"

Excuse me, I need to clean up. I just thought about that trailer again. Here's the thing: Ridley Scott, at least on a visual level, is at the absolute top of his game right now. He just hasn't had a good script in a decade. Enter Damon Lindleof, a quasi-"Alien" prequel and Charlize Theron and Magneto and the original "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and it is shot in native 3-D and it explains the origin of the Space Jockey and hff...gfff...hfff. I need my asthma inhaler!

"Prometheus" is, very much, the most anticipated movie of 2012 on Planet Fanboy.

June 15 – "Jack the Giant Killer"

Meh.

Come back next Thursday for Part 2 of The Year in Fanboy — and come back every Thursday for more intergalactic musings on Planet Fanboy. Follow its fearless leader Jordan Hoffman on Twitter!