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For anyone like me -- unlucky enough to be stuck at home instead of going to San Diego Comic-Con this past weekend -- you have no doubt heard whispers about some of the fast and furious "Twilight" insanity that went down there.
Well, I've been glued to my computer, pressing refresh on my browser precisely ever 45 seconds (any sooner would just be weird and obessessive), looking for the latest updates.
While it cannot compare to actually being there, here, from my vantage point, are the top seven "Twilight-related" things that you and I missed at Comic-Con. Let's not let it happen again (hear me, NextMovie editors?).
1. Twi-Hards Get 6:30 a.m. Surprise
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Fans began lining up to get into the "Twilight" Comic-Con panel as early as three days in advance. In related news, I began dropping to my knees and bowing in respect to those fans also three days in advance. That is hardcore. Like the opposite of NWA-hardcore, but still hardcore. Anyway, I should have been there with them, because those Twi-Hards were rewarded with a surprise visit from Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Elizabeth Reaser, Julia Jones and Boo Boo Stewart (Boo Boo!).
Showing a lot of grace for big Hollywood stars, the actors popped up not long after dawn broke, greeted fans for over an hour, signed autographs and posed for photos. Had I been there, I suppose I would've had a hard time deciding on whether to spend that hour convincing Nikki to marry me instead of Paul McDonald or proving to Ashley that I'm the next Jonas brother. It's really hard to say unless you're there in the moment.
2. Panel Premieres 'Breaking Dawn Part 1' Clips
We may have been hoping for clips from Bella's pregnancy, but that was a little too much to ask for. Those scenes are likely going to be some of the most memorable of the entire "Twilight Saga." And not to mention all bloody and disgusting (in a beautiful way, I mean).
According the sources, the video that was shown focused primarily on Bella and Edward's honeymoon and their "about-to-do-the-nasty-for-the-first-time moments." That, of course, prompted lots and lots shrieking from the excited crowd.
While it will never be as exciting to see those scenes as I imagine it was in that panel room, I don't miss my ears ringing from the decibel-breaking screamfest. Just because I like "Twilight" does not mean I ever get used to banshee screeches.
3. Seeing R.Pattz's Crazy Haircut in Person
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The photos that surfaced two weeks ago of Robert Pattinson's new hairstyle -- long and floppy on one side, raggedly buzzed on the other-- made him look like some homeless gutter punk. Apparently, the cut is for the trippy thriller "Cosmopolis" that he's currently filming. In a scene, his character flips out mid-haircut and bolts before the barber is done (we've all done it).
Do you think those producers planned to shoot those scenes right before Comic-Con on purpose? I do.
4. Watching Creepy 5-Year-Old Talk Sex
Stealing the show away from Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson is nearly an impossible feat, especially at a freaking "Twilight" panel. However, there are multiple reports of a "toe-headed 5-year-old girl" yanking the focus away from the stars when she asked, "Did you like having the baby with Bella?,” then staring Pattinson down "like she was a child from the corn."
This made the Brit so flustered, he actually called out the awkwardness by saying, "The way you’re looking makes it seem like you’re asking something else." Sounds classic. Hollywood needs to put those two in a movie, stat!
5. Getting Stoked on 'Abduction'
I'll be honest, I haven't really been as excited about Taylor Lautner's upcoming project "Abduction" as I've been about "Cosmopolis," "On the Road" and "Snow White & The Huntsman."
However, word is Lautner, who in addition to sitting on the "Twi"-panel signed autographs while pimping "Abduction," attacked the movie as if he's doing the next "Bourne" or "Minority Report." He even said this weekend that he really studied Matt Damon and Tom Cruise's performances while preparing for the role. That gives me a lot of hope for his future as a big-screen ass-kicker.
6. Attending 'Snow White & the Huntsman' Panel
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Lucky Kristen Stewart sounds like she already has a new hit movie franchise on her hands as a badass Snow White. At the movie's Comic-Con panel yesterday, director Rupert Sanders, Chris Hemsworth (Huntsman), Charlize Theron (Evil Queen), Sam Claflin (Prince Charmant) and Snow White herself discussed the film and showed a teaser clip.
The movie takes a much darker look at the classic fairy tale and could be "on the scale with 'Lord of the Rings' in terms of size and scope." Theron even said she's basically playing a "serial killer." Awesome.
7. Seeing Lots of Nudity At 'True Blood' Panel
I know this is cheating. This has nothing to do with "Twilight" and actually, nothing to do with movies even. However, I love vampires a lot and my love doesn't end with the Cullens. So, sometimes I also hang out with the darker and campier vampires of HBO's "True Blood" (but I don't love them as much as you, Cullens, I swear). They give me a different type of experience, one admittedly more in line with the needs of a 30-year-old straight dude.
Well, it sounds as if the clips shown at the "True Blood" panel were a perfect compliment after the relatively chaste "Breaking Dawn" panel. With teasers to the graphic sex we'll be seeing this season and the stars we watch actually there in person, it must have been like hanging out with the devil on your shoulder after waiting in line for three days to see the angel first. It's no "Twilight," but still...