Pay No Mind to the Razzies, My Dear Twi-Hards

[caption id="attachment_28901" align="alignleft" width="220" caption="Summit"]The Twilight Saga: Eclipse[/caption]

It's official. "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" -- along with M. Night Shyamalan's "The Last Airbender" -- leads the nominations with nine. Unfortunately, those nominations are not for the Oscars, the MTV Movie Awards, or even the People's Choice Awards. "Eclipse" is nominated for nine Golden Raspberries (aka Razzies), an award that "celebrates" the worst in film.

I know. I screamed at my computer monitor, too.

No doubt you've already started organizing fellow Twi-Hards, lighting torches in preparation to lead an angry mob toward the home of Razzies' founder, John J.B. Wilson. However, before forgetting your classy Twi-principles in order to enact some kind of "Frankenstein"-justice on Wilson, the face of this Twi-Hatred and a man whose two middle initials clearly indicate he thinks he's better than us, please take a a moment to read this.

First of all, the people who vote to nominate "the worst" films of the year are not filmmakers, actors, journalists or critics of reputation. Before creating the Razzies, Wilson was a copywriter and publicist. He is no more of a film expert than you or me. He is simply an early proponent of the "Hater Culture" that pervades our culture today. When he created the concept in 1981, there were no Internet message boards or blogs for him to post his opinions, so he created an awards ceremony (OK, that was kind of a smooth move).

Being a publicist by trade, Wilson knows that to grab the public's attention, he must nominate movies people care about. And people obviously care about "Twilight," more every year in fact. That's what's most interesting about these nominations: "Eclipse" is the first "Twilight" movie to earn a Worst Picture nomination, despite the fact that it generally received better a better response than its predecessors and earned a 50 percent approval rating on RottenTomatoes (the same percentage as the first, actually, but far better than "New Moon's" 27 percent).

[caption id="attachment_28922" align="alignright" width="220" caption="Fox"]Vampires Suck[/caption]

Considering that most movie critics are cranky old men* and that "Twilight" is primarily targeted at cheerful young females (and of course, enlightened 30-year-old males), 50 percent is a pretty damn good score. Need further proof that the Razzies are just nominating "Twilight" for the publicity? Look at the scores of the other Worst Picture nominees.

  • "The Bounty Hunter": 7 percent
  • "The Last Airbender": 7 percent
  • "Sex and the City 2": 16 percent
  • "Vampires Suck": 4 percent (Note: That's what you get for messing with "Twilight," "Vampires Suck")

Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart, meanwhile, are up for Worst Actor and Actress, respectively. To prove how little weight this carries, notice last year The Jonas Brothers won Worst Actor for playing themselves in "Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience." How can they be "actors" in a documentary? Even if you do think they're annoying, it's not because they're doing a poor job at acting. They're doing a poor job of being themselves, something all teenagers have problems accomplishing.

Sandra Bullock won Worst Actress last year for "All About Steve," the same year she won the Oscar for "The Blind Side." Obviously she's not a bad actress. She just happened to pick the wrong movie. Picking the wrong husband (Jesse James) doesn't make her a horrible lover.

The Golden Raspberries' history is filled with people and films that are awesome. Sylvester Stallone's been nominated for Worst Actor 13 different years. News alert: Sylvester Stallone is awesome. He's nominated again for Worst Director this year for "The Expendables," which is a really fun shoot-em-up. Who doesn't like older guys that shoot a bunch of people? Dolph Lundgren shoots a guy in half! IN HALF! Pattinson and Stewart should feel honored to keep such company.

Ultimately, this is just another minor blip from Twi-Haters who can't stand the success of our beloved franchise. As Twi-Hards, we deal with that kind of mindset every day. Just because these Twi-Haters have an awards show doesn't mean you have to listen to them. Just ignore them. (And remember, just because someone has two middle initials doesn't mean they're better than you.)

So to all movie lovers, keep watching your favorite flicks regardless of the Razzie nominations it gets. Well, except "Vampires Suck." That really is a horrible movie that deserves every Razzie it receives.

*I've been to press screenings, this is a fact.

Confessions of a (Male) Twi-Hard is a “Twilight” humor column by Ryan McKee that publishes every other week on NextMovie. Read Ryan’s introductory post here or follow him on Twitter.

Movie & TV Awards 2018