Why 'Twilight' is My New 'Star Wars'

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Recently, I found this photo of myself from 1985. I'd nearly forgotten my obsession with "Star Wars" – you know, since the last three sucked worse than "Vampires Suck."

That large C-3P0 torso next to me is a carrying case. I'd fill it with those action figures (along with a few G.I. Joes that I pretended were Rebel soldiers) and lug it towards anyone who'd listen to me lecture about each character's backstory, strengths and weaknesses, and what I believed their future to be.

Remembering my "Star-Hard" phase made me realize that I was an obsessive blogger long before blogs even existed. Since I didn't have the Internet or even a computer, I had to dictate my "columns " to friends and family members one-by-one. If websites were never invented, my family would have disowned me after "Twilight's" release.

I like to think my tastes mature as I age. However, now I recognize that I loved "Star Wars" for the same reasons I now follow "Twilight." There are exactly four:

1. Escapism from the real world

2. Definitive line between good and evil

3. Humans with supernatural abilities

4. Sexy lead actresses (Carrie Fisher and Kristen Stewart)

While it may seem the two series are completely different, upon further investigation you'll notice George Lucas' original storylines, characters and themes match many of Stephenie Meyer's. My explanation below is not suggesting Meyer copied "Star Wars'" template and added vampires (she doesn't need another plagiarism lawsuit). It simply shows why 30-year-old Ryan likes "Twilight" as much as five-year old Ryan liked "Star Wars."

The 'Star Wars'-'Twilight' Breakdown

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At the beginning, Luke Skywalker and Bella Swan are the same character. They both have absurd, but fitting names. They're both stuck in the middle of nowhere (Tatooine and Forks). And they both desire something greater, but don't know what that may be.

The latter is why so many adolescents relate to both stories. Every child believes they have something inside them that's unique, something that bounds them for greatness. Luke and Bella both feel that and it pays off in adventure.

When Luke meets Princess Leia, she is bitchy and untrusting. Edward treats Bella the same way at first. However, once he warms to her, Edward becomes Luke Skywalker and Bella becomes Leia.

Just like Leia must choose between Luke and Han Solo, Bella has to decide between Edward and Jacob Black. Leia desires Han, but she feels more connected to Luke. Later we learn that's because they're siblings. However, if they weren't, Luke and Leia would've ended up like Bella and Edward. That's because Han Solo is the wild card. That makes him sexy at first, but women never settle down with the wild card.

Jacob is the Han Solo in "Twilight" because he's the wild card. He fights alongside the good guys (The Cullens) just like Han fights with the Rebellion. However, it goes against both their natures and only do it to win the girl. That works for Han and kind of works for Jacob because he meets Renesmee.

Both sagas center on fighting the dark side (or The Dark Side). For "Star Wars," that's the evil side of The Force. For "Twilight," that's the desire to drink human blood. Luke and Edward both battle internally with their dark sides. In the end, they both win their fights and are rewarded with the fates they always wanted. Edward gets a wife and child. Luke becomes the hero of the universe.

Below are characters that serve the same purpose in both series. Feel free to let me know whom I forgot or got wrong.

C3P0 and Eric Yorkie: Helpful yet annoying, possibly closeted-homosexual friend.

R2D2 and Angela Weber: Nerdy, loyal and resourceful friend.

Yoda and Billy Black: Wise, old and feeble mentor who frightens protagonist with threats of the dark side.

Obi Wan Kenobi and Charlie Swan: Default father figure who helps from a distance.

Lando Calrissian and Jasper Hale: Ally who does something wrong, but is redeemed.

Jabba-The-Hutt and Victoria: Mid-level villain who plagues heroes until killed in third film.

Boba Fett and Riley Biers: Bounty hunter/puppet for a mid-level villain.

Galactic Empire and Volturi: Evil, seemingly undefeatable force.

Chewbacca and Wolf Pack: Strong yet unintelligible ally.

Wicket the Ewok and Jessica Stanley: Cute to children, annoying to adults.

Follow Male Twi-Hard Ryan McKee on Twitter.

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