My Family's Commentary On New 'Eclipse' DVD

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There are drawbacks to writing this "Twilight" column: teasing from colleagues, friends and family; knowing more about Robert Pattinson than any straight man should; getting caught in message board arguments with 10-year-old girls.

However, I also get some sweet perks. Upon receiving my advance copy of the 2-Disc Special Edition "Eclipse" DVD (woot woot!), I was so stoked that I ignored the playfully demeaning note from my editor attached to it (yep, even my editor mocks me).

Aside from the film, the DVD (or Blu-ray for you fancy types) includes audio commentary from Rob Pattinson & Kristen Stewart, audio commentary from Stephenie Meyer & producer Wyck Godfrey, eight deleted/extended scenes, a 90-minute making-of documentary, a photo gallery, music videos from Metric and Muse, and a special feature that allows you to jump to scenes with Edward or Jacob.

What has two thumbs and didn't leave his couch all day (well, aside from the jumping) when he scored that? This guy!

I'll admit, on any other disc I'll ignore the special features. Most audio commentaries are just the actors and directors congratulating each other or making each other laugh, which is rarely funny for the rest of us. Unfortunately, the "Eclipse" commentary tracks are not much better. Meyer and Godfrey discuss the awesomeness of the other person, while Pattinson and Stewart giggle a lot (not that I don't enjoy giggling...). The latter is great for Twi-Hards who are into the celebrity gossip part of "Twilight," but it doesn't lend much insight into the young actors' processes.

Since some of my family members are fellow Twi-Hards, I brought the DVD to Thanksgiving just to blow their minds, which it did. I didn't expect the non-Twi-fans to be interested in it, but after dinner a number of them wanted to watch. 

So I took note of their reactions and ended up with a more interesting commentary than those on the disc.  And yes, of course I'll share. Below are some highlights and insights on "Eclipse" from a family that cannot stop talking.

Family members participating:

Betty: 70, my grandfather's second wife, loves puffy-paint sweatshirts, has vaguely heard of "Twilight"

Kelly: 26, my sister-in-law, teaches preschool, a bigger Twi-Hard than me

Jason: 22, my cousin, loves Jagermeister, hates "Twilight"

George: late-50s, my aunt's ex-husband/cousins' father, drives Corvette, minimal "Twilight" knowledge

Jane: mid-40s, George's "friend," drinks vodka, thinks she "may have seen one of those movies"

Opening: A pre-bitten Riley (Xavier Samuel) walks into the night.  

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Betty: "Is that the guy the girls like?"

Jason: "No, that guy isn't gay enough."

George laughs hard.

Kelly (to Betty): "You're thinking of Robert Pattinson. That's not him."

Betty: "I don't think that's who I'm talking about. This boy is nice looking. (pause) He must be who I'm talking about."

Minutes later, Riley is bitten and begins screaming.

Jane: (through vodka haze) "He's is not that good looking."

Betty: "No, he must be the hero guy because that's the way movies do it. They make the hero lose and then win."

Jason: "He's screaming because he's in a bad movie."

Kelly: (frustrated) "That's the bad guy."

Betty: "Don't give the plot away."

Kelly: "Sorry. I thought you were confused."

Jane: "I think Brad Pitt was a sexier vampire."

Nearly at half-hour mark, Jacob and Edward puff chests over Bella's protection.

George: "They should have cast a girl who isn't so sad and mopey."

Jason: "I think Bella is hot."

George: (as he pats Jane, who has given into the vodka haze) "This is hot."

At the 90-minute mark, the wolf pack and Cullens prepare to battle newborns.

George: "Why are they fighting over [Bella]?"

Kelly: "Because Edward and Jacob are in love with her and want to protect her from Victoria's revenge."

Betty: "I like movies when you can tell who the bad guy is."

Kelly: "Well, Victoria and Riley are the bad guys."

Betty: "No, I don't think so. What about the wolves?"

100 minutes in: Battle scene.

Jason: "These newborn vampires don't even seem tough at all."

George: "Weak, right? We should watch 'Braveheart.'"

Nearing end, Edward proposes to Bella.

Betty: "That is just ridiculous. A ridiculous movie."

Kelly: "I think it's a great love story."

Betty: "Kids don't get married without sleeping together."

We all look at her.

Betty: "What? Don't look at me like I don't know. I know."