Harry is a near-perfect new god. Professor Snape is a hideously ugly woman. And Ronnie the Bear loves Twizzlers. This is not your typical Harry Potter adaptation.
In 2004, 'Net comedian Brad Neely used his power brain to write a new narrative for "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone" called "Wizard People, Dear Reader," reciting it in a gravelly, ultra-serious tone that adds extra weight to words like "Necromobenimbrosalfasagoso" (Neely's name for the Nimbus 2000 broom).
Played over the actual film footage, it's a weird, beautiful and hilarious commentary along the lines of Rifftrax, ranging from ultra-poetic, metaphor-heavy hyperbole to childish mockery and insinuations that Harry has a serious drinking problem.
"Wizard People, Dear Reader" is available as an audio-only track for free online, or can be watched in 35 individual chapters on Youtube. It sounds like a lot, but trust us: For die-hard Potter fans and lovers of off-kilter humor that you'll be quoting for the next five years of your life, it's a worthwhile investment of time.