Zola, meet your match. She goes by @_blotty on Twitter and @_soft_bagel on Instagram.

Blotty has a story to tell about 💩💩💩.

When nature came calling during a date Monday (March 21), Blotty did what any "confident, calm and self-assured woman" would do. She used the damn toilet.

Uh-oh. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

(I hope you're not eating anything while reading this, because it's about to go even more downhill from here.)

OH MY GOD.

She recruits outside assistance.

This is getting too painful to read.

YOU ARE A HERO, BLOTTY. 🙌

Duly noted.

If all this sounds too hilarious/tragic/vomit-inducing to be true, here's a disclaimer -- it might be. Blotty could have made this whole thing up and successfully trolled the thousands of people who've retweeted her. MTV News has reached out to her for comment, but in the meantime, maybe double-check that your toilet is working properly so no one encounters this horrific problem again.

H/T BuzzFeed