The People v. O.J. Simpson Morally Corrupt Rankings, Week 8: A Jury In Jail

Welcome to the episode in which the members of the jury begin to lose their damn minds

The 10-part FX series American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson tells the fascinating tale of Nicole Brown Simpson’s real-life killing and the ensuing media frenzy around the murder trial of her famous ex-husband, O.J. Simpson. Once again, in honor of "the morally corrupt" Faye Resnick, let’s see what Satan’s children are up to -- this time in Episode 8, "A Jury in Jail" -- and determine who’s the most morally bankrupt of them all.*

1. THE JURY

This jury-centric episode shows the austerity of being sequestered for months on end, and also that several members of the jury are absolutely and purely insane.

Good Deeds:

* The black jury members prefer to watch Martin over Seinfeld, which does actually make plenty of sense.

* Members of the jury are caught between Marcia Clark and Johnnie Cochran's jockeying. In defiance of the court system’s abuse, the jurors don all-black attire to protest essentially being held hostage by the court system (to the score of "Fight the Power").

Suspect Behavior:

* One juror thinks he's going to be able to go swimming and chill on their first day in sequester.

* A juror is removed from the jury for literally having kidnapping his own wife in the past.

* Juror 452 has a mental breakdown, thinks she's being stalked and spied on via the smoke alarm in her room, and chastises the security guards for giving the white jurors an hour at Target while only letting the black people have half an hour at Ross Dress for Less. (Juror: "They know the blacks like Ross better." Judge Ito: "Do they?" Johnnie: "They do.")

* A Santa Claus–looking juror is taking notes on everyone so he can write a book.

* Juror 228 is removed after a "tip" leads the prosecution to a personal photo of himself with O.J.

Last Week: N/A

2. F. LEE BAILEY

Slimy and shady as ever.

Good Deeds:

* Tells Johnnie to cut it out with the juror pissing match he's having with Marcia, otherwise they'll end up with a mistrial.

Suspect Behavior:

* When Marcia claims that a juror hid the fact that she was raped twice by her husband, Bailey responds that marital rape wasn't illegal in 1988.

Last Week: 2

3. MARK FUHRMAN

Doesn't even appear in the episode, yet still, MORALLY CORRUPT.

Suspect Behavior:

* The O.J. tip line gets a call about audio tapes in which Fuhrman talks about framing n*****s. Sis...

Last Week: N/A

4. BARRY SHECK

The seen but rarely heard-from Dream Team member, Sheck is out in full force this week.

Suspect Behavior:

* Gets the jury to believe that all of the evidence in the trial is tainted, to cover up the fact that Nicole's blood was found in the Bronco.

Last Week: N/A

5. MARCIA CLARK

Looking less and less Rick James every day!

Good Deeds:

* Rightly reams Chris Darden for having O.J. put on those damn Isotoner gloves, then sends him off to the background for the rest of the episode.

Suspect Behavior:

* Whether intentionally or not, targets the black jurors and gets them removed so she can damage O.J.'s defense.

* Freaks out and trashes her desk, tossing things off like she's Erica Kane after a botched wedding.

Last Week: 10

6. JOHNNIE COCHRAN

Do not bring up the subject of his former domestic-violence charges or he will collect your fucking head.

Good Deeds:

* Calls a truce with Marcia over their jury war.

Suspect Behavior:

* Gets upset whenever there's a white juror as a replacement, even though some of them are actually pro-O.J.'s defense.

Last Week: 3

7. O.J. SIMPSON

Yes, I know he's an alleged murderer, but he didn't murder anyone this week.

Suspect Behavior:

* Prefers Seinfeld to Martin in a hilarious juxtaposition with the black jurors.

* Seems really excited about banging Nicole when she was only 19 and he was married.

Last Week: 5

8. ROB KARDASHIAN

This has nothing to do with the show, but can some kind soul please send me one of Kanye West's Rob Kardashian t-shirts? Size XL. Thanks?

Good Deeds:

* Pleads with Kris to forgive him for everything he's putting his family through.

Last Week: 9

9. JUDGE ITO

No longer the media's favorite judge.

Suspect Behavior:

* Not so into being on TV anymore, now that the media is making fun of him for being a fame whore. Whooooops.

Last Week: N/A

10. KRIS JENNER

She and her family are thick as thieves.

Good Deeds:

* Lays into Rob for being on the side of a murderer, maybe the last non-morally corrupt thing Kris Jenner ever did in her life.

Last Week: N/A