Male nips are a dime a dozen. Still, if you were in a movie theater last year, you may have caught a selection of top-of-the-line man chesticles, what with 50 Shades of Grey, Magic Mike XXL, and even Ant-Man showing heartthrobs in various states of undress.
Quality shirtlessness isn't hard to come by nowadays thanks to actors like Channing Tatum, Jamie Dornan, Paul Rudd, and so many other fellas happily disrobing, but let me pose this question: Are any of these shirt-challenged dudes MTV Movie Award-worthy?
You might be saying, "But, you don't give that award out anymore," and yes, you would be correct, we don't -- and I'm sure Zac Efron and Taylor Lautner are proud of being the only two recipients of the three trophies awarded for Best Shirtless Performance.
But, y'all, I didn't write for MTV then and anyways do we really need a justifiable reason to talk about hot shirtless dudes?
I didn't think so.
So, If this award were still given out, I fathom all of the men I mentioned would have been nominated -- and yes, I think Jamie's candy dots, Channing's puppy noses, and even Paul's smuggled peanuts are all quite lovely.
Why? Because Ryan's Wade Wilson had nipples with purpose -- they were dramatic nipples, if you will. Reynolds's shirtlessness only arrives at the moments most tense for his character when, in discovering his terminal cancer then receiving torture-as-treatment for it, Wade Wilson becomes Deadpool, a superhero with extremely potent regenerative powers.
(Even the many, many sex scenes toward the start of the movie with Morena Baccarin's Vanessa hold nary a nip in sight -- at most, a glance. We only see Wade's pre-Deadpool body at the moment of his fainting spell.)
After seeing what he looked like shirtless for a quick sec, we're introduced to the new version of Wade in the most visual of ways -- the cancerous cells in his body, now immortal, thrive all over his skin after treatment by Ajax, a villainous doctor with a less-than-clean medical facility. Dr. Cheekbones didn't cure Wilson's cancer, he just made it so those cells, just like Wilson, can't die.
Right after the #DarkTurn Deadpool's life takes, so starts an escape sequence, culminating in a fight scene where we're shown ~*every last bit*~ of him once he rips off his hospital gown (which was on fire, but still.) He's revealing himself: shirtless, but so much more than shirtless, too. He's a transformed man, and that man also has killer abs.
At its heart, Deadpool is a movie about survival. Not only does Wilson live through terminal cancer (albeit through mutant-y means), but it's the first time we truly see a superhero who will triumph and survive over and over and over again. And it all became clear to us when he took his clothes off.
Now, doesn't that deserve an award*?
Even though Ryan can't win for the shirtless scene that had it all, you can still vote for him in 5 categories including Best Action Sequence before voting closes on Sunday, March 20.
And, be sure to tune in for the 2016 MTV Movie Awards on Sunday, April 10 at 8 p.m. ET/PT.