Have you recovered from your Independence Day celebrations? By that, I mean watching "Independence Day" and trying to memorize Bill Pullman's speech in order to repeat it verbatim at your work friend's barbecue for Fourth of July? Every time I see the "Pacific Rim" trailer, I think about how the speech from "Independence Day" is so much better than Idris Elba shouting "Today we are canceling the apocalypse!" as if the apocalypse is a dentist appointment you forgot about on your day off. "Gee, I better cancel that." But, I digress.
This week was a limp, lifeless and uninspired week for trailers. There's a few gems and a few absolute clunkers. Japanese style horror with vampires? Yes. Kevin Hart comedy that doesn't seem funny at all? No. Animated feature film about trolls who live in boxes raising a child? Very yes. Animated film about large food items run amok? Absolutely no. And on and on it goes. We've ranked all of the week's new trailers for you from best to worst. As always, let us know your thoughts in the comments.
On to the power rankings!
1.) 'The Time Being'
Dammit I love this trailer so much. An artist who desperately needs money finds a patron who asks him to begin filming various innocuous things for money. This new artistic expression slowly begins to lose him his family and the life he once knew, in pursuit of art and money. Dark and twisted, Frank Langella is pitch perfect as always and Bentley is uniquely suited to the role. Writer and director Nenad Cicin-Sain's first film, if it lives up to the promise of the trailer, here's to many, many more original works.
Starring: Wes Bentley, Sarah Paulson, Frank Langella
Release Date: July 23, 2013 on VOD only, and theatrically on July 26.
2.) 'The Boxtrolls'
Laika Studios! They're the ones that did "Coraline" and "ParaNorman" which are two of the best and most original animated films in recent memory. The animation in this little teaser looks amazing, and let's hope it all stays in that wonderful Victorian looking era. Stunningly beautiful. The kind of weird thing about this teaser trailer is that the movie isn't coming out until September 2014. 2014!? We'll all be old then. Anyway, is this a new trend? Aggressively promoting movies years before their release date? I hope not, but what other monstrosities are left to the marketing people? None, none.
Starring: Elle Fanning, Simon Pegg, Toni Collette
Release Date: September 26, 2014
3.) 'Rigor Mortis'
Yes. YES. A Hong Kong public housing unit is home to all manner of living and dead, including vampires and zombies. This looks to be an instant classic, weird and creepy and terrifying all at once, in the best possible way. The vampires actually seem menacing instead of sparkly, and there's a lot of suspense and real scares to be found here. Seriously, describing it is just wasting your time, go watch it so we can talk about it in the comments.
Starring: Kara Hui, Siu-hou Chin, Richard Ng
Release Date: 2013
Everyone loves a good hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold story, yeah? Kathryn Hahn is tired of all her friends and her whole fancy rich Los Angeles life so she takes in a stripper, Juno Temple. Hahn is trying to help, but Temple doesn't really need any help. The really surprising thing about this Sundance Film Fest film is that Josh Radnor is old enough to play weird married old man? This one looks simple, charming and hilarious.
Starring: Kathryn Hahn, Juno Temple, Josh Radnor
Release Date: 2013
5.) 'Drug War'
A big time drug lord must sell out his entire former way of life in order to avoid the death penalty in this Chinese drama. There's always something delightful about bad guys turned informant against their own, and one of the pull quotes in the trailer likens this movie to "The Wire" so it must be pretty damn good. There's lots of shooting, meaningful staring -- that sort of emotive stuff.
Starring: Louis Koo, Honglei Sun, Yi Huang
Release Date: 2013
6.) 'Ride Along'
My first instinct was to absolutely hate this Kevin Hart comedy about a guy who needs to impress his girlfriend's cop brother in order to gain his blessing. But then Ice Cube showed up and that man can do no wrong in my world. (Except "Are We There Yet 2", moving on.) If there's anyone cagier than Ice Cube at building and maintain a long career, well, I'd like to congratulate them on also staying relevant enough to cash checks. Ice Cube does best in these quasi-official hard ass kind of roles, so it's nice to see him return to that. Also Kevin Hart is in this. So, uh, yeah, do what you gotta do. Like, probably not go see it, I would imagine. The January dumping ground exists for a reason.
Starring: Kevin Hart, John Leguizamo, Ice Cube
Release Date: January 17, 2014
7.) 'Black Nativity'
Doesn't the title sound like a horror movie? No such luck. I struggle to think of anything I would like to see less than an inspirational musical, much less one about being poor and Christmas and the power of family and starring Jennifer Hudson as a downtrodden single mother. If depressing inspirational musicals are your jam, or you just really want to see Mary J. Blige in a strange white wig wearing angel wings, then boy have I got a trailer for you. Every other aspect of this thing has "Fishing for Best Original Song Oscar" written all over it. Best to avoid entirely.
Starring: Angela Bassett, Forest Whitaker, Jennifer Hudson
Release Date: November 27, 2013
We already saw the trailer for this animated family film like 200 years ago, but here it is again popping up like bad acne. We do get a better look at all the strange flora and fauna of this food-ridden world, taco-diles and watermelon thingies. Ugh, I tried to pay attention but the animation is just about my least favorite looking animation ever, and the story is so dumb. Okay, yes, I get it, they made this for children, but adults have to watch it too. I just don't get the need for a second one. If two people see this one does that mean we'll be getting a third? Too depressing to think about. Moving on.
Starring: Anna Faris, Neil Patrick Harris, Bill Hader
Release Date: September 27, 2013
Come back next week for more power rankings!