If it's Friday, that means it's time to rank the trailers that were released this week from best to worst, in the hopes of saving a few pennies and keeping ourselves from seeing anything too awful in the coming months.
In a week that saw the death of Roger Ebert, arguably the most influential movie critic in American history, it's interesting to take stock of the state of American cinema, noting the good and decrying the bad. As Roger said, “No good film is too long and no bad movie is short enough." As evidenced below, we've got some very good things coming in the next few months and some very, very bad movies. May your good films be lengthy, and the bad ones very short indeed. Thank you, Roger, for everything.
On to the showdown!
1.) 'The Purge'
Best of the Week: In the future, once a year crime is allowed for 12 hour stretches at a time. One family is held hostage in their home after a horrible accident, with no help or end in sight. I can't even handle how good this looks! Tapping into the true nature of psychological terror, weird sci-fi futuristic elements, a great cast and plenty of authentic scares makes this trailer the best of the week.
Starring: Lena Headey, Ethan Hawke, Edwin Hodge
Release Date: May 31, 2013
2.) '2 Guns'
A DEA Agent and an undercover Naval Intelligence officer must partner up to discover who set them up in this action heist film. Ummm, Mark Wahlberg is actually hilarious almost all the time, and this combination takes me to a very happy place. Guns, explosions, bank heists and twists galore. Big dumb fun it may be, but it's my kind of big dumb Summer fun.
Starring: Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg, Paula Patton
Release Date: August 2, 2013
Are you sick of seeing Great Gatsby trailers too? Is our long national nightmare over? One more month, and then we can just watch the damn movie without all this nonsense getting shoved in our faces. Seriously, this is the third movie trailer. We get it. It's cool. There's cool music and stuff. Just kidding, this looks awesome forever and always, but really, they should have just released one trailer and let some mystique prevail.
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton
Release Date: May 10, 2013
From the director of "Drive" comes another entry into the kick ass canon starring Ryan Gosling. A bangkok cop and a gangster must square off in a Thai style boxing match. Kristin Scott Thomas has never looked more strange, and though the trailer seems to hold back its secrets admirably, there's plenty of style immersed throughout. Kudos to director Nicholas Winding Refn for making films that get people to have a firm opinion! This one will probably be a lot like "Drive," people who love it will love it so much and everyone else will despise it.
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Kristin Scott Thomas, Tom Burke
Release Date: 2013
5.) 'The Conjuring'
The original trailer for this film was far scarier than this load of hogwash, unfortunately. Still filled with spooks and scares, this one would be far better off if you didn't watch it. Seriously, don't watch this trailer. Just go see the movie if you like horror movies. They give away loads in this one. I'm not usually one for horror but there's a lot of inventive films being made that are slowly changing my mind.
Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Ron Livingston
Release Date: July 19, 2013
6.) 'A Single Shot'
In this criminal dramatic thriller, a young girl's death is the catalyst for a grotesque battle of wills between mysterious criminals and a frightened hunter. Beautiful and thoroughly mysterious, this trailer gives away very little but is deeply compelling.
Starring: Sam Rockwell, William H. Macy, Ted Levine
Release Date: 2013
This wacky comedy stars tons of modern comedy stars as, well, themselves! After a party at James Franco's house, the apocalypse begins, leaving a motley group of misfits to struggle to survive. As stupid as this one looks, it looks kind of hilarious at the same time. Interesting to see all these big comedy names in a movie together again, as they obviously love working together.
Starring: Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, James Franco
Release Date: June 12, 2013
The remake of one of the bloodiest horror films of all times looks fascinating, their task made ever more difficult by the fact that the original is so iconic and everyone knows what the outcome of the story is. However, cast and crew alike have done well and this one looks to be inventive and haunting. At least for a few years until something comes along to distract. The lingering question remains: Why mess with a good thing?
Starring: Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Judy Greer
Release Date: October 18, 2013
It's time for another biopic of a long-gone music legend, isn't it? Well, right on cue is this dramatized look into the life of Tim Buckley, through the eyes of his son Jeff Buckley, performing a tribute concert to his father. Beautiful, potent, and a huge win for any fan of either Buckley's music.
Starring: Penn Badgley, Imogen Poots, William Sadler
Release Date: 2013
10.) 'See Girl Run'
In this romantic dramedy, a young woman decides that in order to move forward with her life, she must revisit all of her past relationships. Quirky? Cute? Who the heck can tell from this trailer, but I like all these actors and this looks like the kind of film that's stronger in the quieter moments that may not be "trailer worthy"
Starring: Robin Tunney, Adam Scott, Jeremy Strong
Release Date: 2013
True mystery and terror lurk within the human DNA, and this science fiction thriller explores the gray area around human genetics and the future of the human body, as one man's destroyed life leads him to seek a huge genetic leap forward for mankind. Spooky.
Starring: Michael Eklund, Karoline Herfurth, Tómas Lemarquis
Release Date: April 19, 2013
The sequel to the first Percy Jackson movie finds these half-god half-human wonder kids off to save the mortal world again, this time as they journey forth to find the mythical golden fleece. These books are huge sellers in the YA age group, so there's a built in audience, and it looks like they've put the right amount of money and effort into making this look great.
Starring: Logan Lerman, Alexandra Daddario, Brandon T. Jackson
Release Date: August 16, 2013
A fantasy thriller that takes a long cold look at a young girl with the ability to span two worlds, seen and unseen. When her family is put in danger, she must risk it all to save them. Scary and fantastical, this one looks kind of like a rip off of so many that came before. However, knowing what to expect can sometimes save a movie like this, so let's hope that expensive effects budget pays off, but… probably not.
Starring: Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Robert Sheehan
Release Date: August 23, 2013
14.) 'Citizen Hearst'
A riveting documentary about the history and legacy of the Hearst publishing empire, featuring interviews with tons of important publishing figureheads. A little bit of a snoozefest if you're not into the history of print media, but has great potential for all us magazine nerds. Documentaries are always difficult to judge based on trailer alone, as they tend to be about as interesting as you already find the subject they explore.
Starring: Mark Burnett, Nina Garcia, Timothy Greenfield-Sanders
Release Date: 2013
This looks potentially devastatingly terrible, but there's a chance that Julianne Moore can save this train wreck of a film. A not-quite-funny look at an English teacher's life turned upside down when one of her former students asks for her help putting on a play. Or something like that. Seriously, it's all mix ups and then she apparently falls in love with someone she hates. Yawn.
Starring: Lily Collins, Julianne Moore, Michael Angarano
Release Date: May 17, 2013
16.) 'Grown Ups 2'
Worst of the Week: Oh. My. God. All these nightmarish gross dad friends are back to the suburbs for this "hilarious" sequel to one of the worst movies ever. Of course it'll make a million billion dollars but we as an audience deserve more than farting jokes and deer peeing on people's faces.
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock
Release Date: July 12, 2013