February At The Movies

Now that January has happened and all we have to show for it is The Grey (second best January release ever?), time to start moving towards bigger and better things. Unfortunately, February doesn't look MUCH brighter, but there's gotta be at least two solid movies this month, right? Is that asking too much? Let's take a look.

Note: For the purposes of respecting my readers and being a human, I am choosing to omit the release of The Phantom Menace in 3D from this list. As far as I'm concerned, the film itself doesn't exist, which means it isn't 3D, doesn't exist in three dimensions. So the fact that I'm mentioning it at all is fundamentally incorrect, breaking all rules of time and space.

Family Timez

Big Miracle (Feb 3)

The Whale Movie! About whales! Oh god, I'm so sick of trailers for this damn whale movie. Fun fact: Original titles included "Whales" and "Everybody Loves Whales." That isn't a joke. Winner of Heartlands Truly Moving Picture award. So. See it if that's your thing? John Krasinski's in it, so… that's cool. But like, mostly whales.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (Feb 10)

The title is so "clever", it makes me uncomfortable. Is it an actual sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth? I suppose so, I mean, it's called Journey 2 and Josh Hutcherson is in it. But why would *his* character be the one to go on another journey? And how would his character possibly be so fortunate (or misfortunate) to get 2 go 2 the center of the earth AND the mysterious island? And how did The Rock get involved? It any event, here's your last chance to see Hutcherson on the big screen before you think of him as Peeta Mellark forever.

Outside of the Box

Chronicle (Feb 3)

It may be a studio film disguised as a cool indie, but don't judge Chronicle on its overlord, or if you must, remember that this same overlord brought us Rise of the Planet Apes last year. Starring a bunch of unknowns and apparently using its found footage style to push the boundaries of the medium and show us something new, Chronicle isn't just another run of the mill piece of crap trying to capitalize on the superhero sensation. It's actually supposed to be pretty fantastic. Of all the major February releases, this is easily the one I'm most genuinely interested in.

Act of Valor (Feb 24)

Okay, this is kind of cool. A cast made of up of ex Navy Seals plays a bunch of Navy Seals, in this action movie focused on Nacy Seals taking down a terrorist cell. I've been intrigued by this since day one and can only hope it's as awesome as its potential hints it might be.

Wanderlust (Feb 24)

Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston reunion! (No? No one loves The Object Of My Affection but me? Whatevs. Not ashamed.) Written and directed by David Wain, whose wonderfully weirdo movies can never  be classified as anything other than "outside of the box"(WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER WILL NEVER NOT BE THE BEST.) Wow, I'm actually a lot more excited for this than I was originally expecting upon only hearing the word "Aniston." The plot is pretty fun to boot. Couple George and Linda, played by Rudd and Aniston,  move to Atlanta after George loses his job in Manhattan, and discover a crazy place called Elysium where everything is turned upside down. Rated R for Really Effing Awesome/Horrible/Please Be Awesome Not Horrible.

Must Needs Adrenaline Rush!

(But really go see Inkeepers or Kill List, knowing nothing about either, and then return to this list)

The Woman In Black (Feb 3)

Radcliffe! RADCLIFFE! Hammer! HAMMER! RADCLIFFE AND HAMMER! GOTHIC! Gotta see it. I need no more information than Hammer's first movie in its second (or third...or fourth...) life, after Let Me In, and Radcliffe's first starring role after Harry Potter, do you?

Safe House (Feb 10)

Denzel Washington/Ryan Reynolds action flick, which may or may not have something to do with a Safe House. Basically, Washington is a dangerous renegade and Reynolds is a rookie operative. The safe house (Ohhh, I get it) where Washington's Tobin Frost is being held gets attacked, and he is forced to team up with Reynolds' Matt Weston to figure out who caused the attack. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Feb 17)

The sequel no one wanted, but that is happening anyway! The footage from this follow up to the 2007 film that randomly made a lot of movie despite being the worst, is actually pretty okay. The directors, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor of the Crank series, seem pretty excited about the tone and applying their signature no holds barred action to a major comic book character, that they can almost convince you this movie won't suck. The buzz so far leads me to believe we can only be disappointed if we take this optimistic route, so I say, accept that this movie is going to be absurd, buy a six pack right before going, and have the time of your life reveling in the ridiculous. I mean, Nic Cage pees fire. What other option do you have?

Gone (Feb 24)

Since first seeing this trailer months ago, I've referred to it as "Lady Abduction" Whether or not this description checks out will become clear in a mere matter of weeks, but let's look at the evidence. Abduction was distributed by Lionsgate. Gone is distributed by Summit. Now, Summit and Lionsgate are one. Abduction is about a kid on the run after finding his "parents" gone (dead) and realizing he can't trust anyone and must get to the bottom of this himself. Gone is about a girl on the run after finding her sister gone (kidnapped) and realizing she can't trust anyone and must get to the bottom of this herself. Am I right?! To be a little more specific, in Gone, Seyfried's character Jill, thinks the guy who kidnapped her sister is the same person who abducted her years ago, back to finish the job. Can this possibly be good? Let me know. Cause I'm definitely not seeing it.

But It's Valentines Month!

The Vow (Feb 10)

Rachel McAdams + Channing Tatum + Nicholas Sparks = ULTIMATE VALENTINES DAY MOVIE OF FOREVER! Rachel and Channing loves each other. But something awful happens and Rachel forgets everything! Channing must make her fall in love with him all over again. CAN HE DO IT!!?!?!?! I'm so paying to find out.

This Means War (Feb 17)

Any movie with Tom Hardy will get my butt in a seat and Chris Pine is certainly nothing to sneeze at either. The only downside here is the fact that Reese Witherspoon plays the woman caught in between these two. Oh, casting, you were almost perfect! Whether or not this movie is of interest to you may depend on how much you hate or don't mind McG. But the premise is kind of fun - two CIA operatives dating the same non CIA woman? BUT GUYS, TOM HARDY. Okay fine, just rent Bronson or Warrior and forget this paragraph ever happened.

Good Deeds (Feb 24)

Tyler Perry is back. Oh, wait he didn't go anywhere and never will? Sorry, forgot. Anyhoo. Tyler Perry stars in this flick he also wrote and directed, natch, that is a romantic drama, natch, and co-stars the gorgeous Thandie Newton, natch. He plays an entrepreneur who finds himself wanting to be with a poor single mother instead of his fancy fiance. It will make 8 bajillion dollars.