RECAP: Africa-Bound, With Marlo In Tow

Oh, Bravo, you're such a tease.

Last week's previews led us to believe The Real Housewives of Atlanta would be embarking on their trip to Africa this week, but instead all we got was five minutes of awkwardness at the end of the episode, when they all met up at the airport to leave.

Instead, we watched as Kandi Burruss and Kim Zolciak approached weight loss in two very different ways; Cynthia Bailey and Peter seemed to get along a little better; and NeNe Leakes invited socialite/ex-jail bird Marlo Hampton on the ladies' trip to Africa -- without telling anyone, natch!

Which leads us to this question: Is Marlo poised to replace Sheree Whitfield on RHOA? We haven't seen a shred of tabloid rumor to support that, but Marlo has been more of a focal point spark plug this season than Sheree, whose minimal screen time each week is also very forgettable.

Being that Marlo is heading to Africa, we are adding her to the countdown, even if the season is mostly over.

Bon voyage, ladies!

KIM (127)

-- At home, Kroy is just chillin' in the kitchen, wearing the sleeping baby in a carrier  while he talks to Kim. A good dad always scores points (+3)

-- Kim is complaining she needs to lose the extra 8 pounds of baby weight, and Kroy tells her the only sure way to do it is exercise. Naturally, Kim says eff that, and orders an "LA Body Wrap" to shed some excess inches (-1)

-- The body wrap process includes being mummified from neck to ankles in Ace bandages for an hour, then walking around to prevent your circulation from being cut off. I mean, I hate exercise, too, but claustrophobia is worse. I'll take three weeks on the elliptical trainer, please (-2)

-- Kim looks like the Barbie version of that kid in A Christmas Story who can't move in his snowsuit (-2)

-- Kim keeps the blood flowing by doing some half-hearted bounces on a mini trampoline, then walking her ankle biter dog around in a stroller (+2)

-- She gets measured after the wrap and has lost 10.5 inches overall, but we suspect it will all be back once her organs drop back into their normal positions after being jammed up inside her for the past hour (-3)

-- After the body wrap people leave, she tells Kroy she wants to order a pizza (-1)

-- The NFL lockout is over, and Kroy is getting ready to go away for a month. They go out on a date and Kim has her first adult beverage in more than a year. Can I tell you from experience what a fabulous treat that is after donating your body to baby growing for so long? (+5)

-- They discuss sex, and acknowledge how easy it is to for her to get pregnant right now. Kroy suggests an age-old method of birth control -- the "spray and pray." We laugh out loud. Nice to see Kroy finally loosening up in front of cameras (+3)

-- At home, Kim charges Sweetie with lighting candles, running a hot bath and getting the place all romantic for her and Kroy's last night together before he leaves. Just as they're about to get hot and heavy in the bathroom, Kim's DAD walks in and starts joking around, fully acknowledging they're about to do it. "Do you have earthquake insurance?" he asks. Man, if that doesn't make your libido wilt, I'm not sure what will (-4)

-- Next day, they have some lunch before he takes off. Their last meal? Chick Fila. Yum (+2)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 129

KANDI (92)

-- Kandi goes to her personal trainer because she's gained weight and admits she doesn't feel good about herself. However, she's gonna score positively for trying to get healthy instead of being lazy like someone else *coughKIMcough*  (+3)

-- Kandi tells her trainer she's been eating lots of fast food and fried food.Ummmm, OK, sorry toots, but we've gotta dock you for that one (-2)

-- Her trainer puts Kandi through a rigorous, boot camp-like, outdoor workout. She is so tired afterward, she can't speak in complete sentences. Luckily, you don't have to when you order a No. 1 at McDonald's (+2)

-- Kandi tells the confessional that a trip to Africa has always been on her bucket list (+2), and continues, "I don't want my first trip to Africa to be drama." Then WHY are you going with these people again? (-3)

-- At the airport, everyone is stunned when NeNe shows up with Marlo. "Oh, I'm definitely excited," Kandi says, with the tone of voice and facial expression of someone who has just been served a grilled poop sandwich on whole wheat bread (-4)

Net gain/loss: -4

Current total: 88

NENE (76)

-- NeNe goes over to Marlo's house, gets the grand tour, and feels like they're going to be besties (+3)

-- She invites Marlo to go to Africa with the group, saying that they (plus Cynthia) will make up "the talls against the smalls." Sounds like the makings of a fifth grade playground fight (-3)

-- NeNe meets Marlo for a shopping trip where they look for "fabulous" clothing to wear on their African safaris and yacht trips. NeNe finds a gorgeous, long necklace and buys it. She looks at the receipt, realizes it cost $10K and swiftly says "nevermind" (+4)

-- NeNe doesn't tell anyone but Cynthia that she's invited Marlo, and nobody finds out until she springs Marlo on them at the airport (-5)

Net gain/loss: -1

Current total: 75

MARLO (100)

-- NeNe comes over to visit her house, and our eyes hurt after seeing her periwinkle and purple dining room with crazy wallpaper and expensive plates mounted to the wall. Maybe Kandi should visit as part of her diet regimen, because I think it'd make you way too dizzy to eat in there (-3)

-- Next stop on the tour: Marlo's bedroom. She's got a giant flat-screen TV that's displaying security camera views of several different places in her house. Seriously? Who does this woman think she is? (-4)

-- They head into her sprawling walk-in closet, in which there is a shoe collection so enormous, we can't even begin to estimate how many pairs are there. They are all Christian Louboutins, Jimmy Choos, etc. All of the sudden, we understand her security cams a little more. Also, we are jealous (+8)

-- Wait, she has a collection of Chanel bags, too? Good grief. She offers to give NeNe one, but NeNe declines the offer (+6)

-- Marlo's staff fixes them a snack after a grueling afternoon of admiring expensive accessories. I notice they don't eat it in dining room of horrors... (+3)

-- Marlo and NeNe meet up to go shopping. NeNe describes Marlo as a "label whore," but she seems to have the money (or credit card space) to support it, so who are we to judge? (+1)

-- When Marlo arrives at the airport, little does she know that A) the others have been gossiping about her mug shots; and B) none of them want to hang out with her because of it. Enjoy your vacation, Marlo! (-6)

Net gain/loss: +5

Current total: 105

PHAEDRA (58)

-- Damn, Phaedra's baby is cute. They really should stop showing her family at home if they want us to pay attention to Phaedra (+3)

-- As her husband feeds the little guy, she tells him about Marlo's criminal past. She says in confessional, "I do NOT hang out with women with rap sheets. The only person with a rap sheet I hang out with is my husband." Nice to see she's discerning (+1)

-- On the way to the airport, Apollo wants to jump Phaedra's bones, but the limo driver says he doesn't have one of those handy dividers. Oh, and also, Bravo cameramen are in the car (-3)

Net gain/loss: +1

Current total: 59

CYNTHIA (43)

-- Cynthia asks Peter for some packing advice, and he gives her grief for packing "so far ahead of time" since the trip is still two days away. Cynthia is way behind by our packing standards. We'd have had the suitcase out for at least two weeks for a trip that big (+3)

-- She wants to look good because she knows all the other ladies will be bringin' it, but you know, she's a supermodel. So she's got that competition pretty much in the bag (+3)

-- Peter complains that after a year of wedded bliss, they've never gone on a trip together, yet she's about to go away with her friends for 10 days. We totally see his point (-4)

-- Cynthia thinks the time apart will be good for their relationship because it will give them a chance to miss each other (-3)

Net gain/loss: -1

Current total: 42

SHEREE (41)

-- Sheree isn't looking forward to going on a trip with NeNe, but she said she'll handle it the same way she does in Atlanta: Just ignore her (+3)

Net gain/loss: +3

Current total: 44

SCORECARD:

Kim: 129

Marlo: 105

Kandi: 88

NeNe: 75

Phaedra: 59

Sheree: 44

Cynthia: 43