RECAP: Kim Arrives to Island, Ruins Fun

Last week, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills descended upon the tiny island of Lana'i, Hawaii. And their brand of vacation misery fun continued this week with lots of arguing, the untying of a string bikini and a snorkeling trip during which only one-third of the ladies dared sully their hair and makeup to swim with the fishies.

(And apparently, nobody owns a pair of flip-flops, either, because they all wore million-inch wedge heels to walk all over a boat that was swaying on the ocean. These people are just begging for karma to kick in, after all the fun they made of Brandi Glanville and her broken ankle at the beginning of the season.)

Anyhoo, Kim Richards and her Bull Mastiff boyfriend, Ken, finally made it to Hawaii -- two days late -- which caused more stress for Kyle Richards than them NOT being there. Th erstwhile couple were the last to arrive to a number of group events, such as a luau, the catamaran trip and other small get-togethers, causing the entire group to waste their time waiting on people who would just bore them to tears anyway. Even in the land of "hang loose" and "no worries," perpetual tardiness is obnoxious.

That being said, we won't hold you up any longer. On to the countdown!

KIM (35)

-- Kim and her dude finally make it to Lanai. Seriously, we easily could have swam there faster than they made it using an airplane (-3)

-- Kim and Ken show up for the luau, and Ken is wearing the most hideous Hawaiian shirt in existence -- and we're going to float him a few points for that, because finding that eyesore must have been quite a feat (+2)

-- When she gets grilled about their tardiness, Kim lies and says they were late because Ken had to work, even though Ken is retired, giving him ample time to hunt down his monstrous vacation attire. In confessional, Kim admits their delay was because of her driver's license/passport/blah blah blah. No s*!#, Sherlock (-3)

-- Mauricio calls Kim on her lie. She replies, "don't worry about yesterday or why. The bottom line is that we're here today." (+1)

-- Except the next day, the couple is missing again, 30 minutes late for an 11 a.m. boat trip. When Kyle comes to find them, they are still sleeping because "the alarm didn't go off." So, it's 2:30 p.m. to them in California time and nobody woke up once and peered at the clock? Geez, what a couple of losers (-4)

-- To the camera, Kim says, "I am a Virgo, I'm usually always on time or five minutes early." If ever there were a statement that would convince us she's either delusional or on drugs, this is it. She is the most disheveled Virgo I've ever seen (-4)

-- Kyle and the others wind up leaving with out them, so Kim and Ken go back to the hotel to have lunch. They have the most excruciatingly boring conversation I've ever heard -- something about Ken poking his eye -- which makes us want to poke out our OWN eyes and possibly our ears. Kim also devours whole shrimp, tails, shell and all (-3)

-- When they finally reunite with the others, instead of apologizing for holding up everyone else's day, Kim sticks to the refrain: "Everything happens for a reason. We had a great day." Actually, so did everyone else, mostly because you weren't there (-2)

-- Kim later goes for a walk with Paul and Adrienne who say they approve of Ken -- until he walks up and starts trippin' because they dared utter his name when he wasn't standing right there. Kim says, "He likes to keep an eye on me and stay by my side. It's a compromise being in a relationship." If by "compromise" you mean not getting one ounce of alone-time with your friends, then we couldn't agree more (-3)

-- At Mauricio's dinner, everyone again wonders where Kim was that morning -- or where she'd been during the entire trip. Kyle leads the interrogation and Kim just acts like everything is totally normal. Finally, Ken is like, "We don't care. I'm tired of the whole thing." You think YOU'RE tired, Ken? We're exhausted! (-4)

-- Kim and Ken leave the dinner, and then the entire table talks and yells about what just happened (-3)

-- Lucky for her, Kim seems to have NO IDEA what's going on. Ignorance is bliss, I guess (+2)

Net gain/loss: -24

Current total: 9

KYLE (28)

-- Kim finally arrives to Lanai, and winds up in the hotel room next to Kyle, who decides to listen to her sister through the walls. She fails to put a glass up to the wall... she obviously has no idea how to properly eavesdrop (-2)

-- At dinner, Kyle and Mauricio both challenge Kim's latest cockamamey excuse as to why she was almost two days late to the party (+3), but still can't get a straight answer out of her (-2)

-- Kyle starts talking smack about Kim to Lisa while they are sitting directly across from Kim (-3)

-- Next day, the group has rented a catamaran for the day and are supposed to meet in the lobby at 11 a.m. to leave. Kim's a no-show, so Kyle and Lisa go to her hotel room to find out what's happening (-3)

-- There's no answer when they knock, so they go through Kyle's room to the balcony, climb over, and try to walk in the sliding glass door. That's an awful lot of trouble to go to, especially when you chance the horror of catching them naked in bed (-4)

-- When they finally open the door, Kim and Ken do some stammering and babbling, then say they'll be ready in 10 minutes (-3)

-- Too late! By the time they make it down, the boat is already out on the water. Kyle feels totally guilty about it, while everyone else is like, "Thank God!" (-3)

-- At a chi-chi dinner, Kyle is frustrated with Kim's nonsense and they argue in front of everyone, then Kim and her beau walk out. Once they leave everyone dissects the scene for what seems like an hour. Happy birthday, Mauricio! Hope you're enjoying your low-key, peaceful meal! (-5)

Net gain/loss: -25

Current total: 3

ADRIENNE (145)

-- Adrienne and Paul go hiking alone next to the ocean, holding hands and being all cute and stuff (+4)

-- Then Adrienne reveals it's been years since she and her hubs held hands. It's a little bit sad that plastic surgeon Paul has probably had hundreds of women's boobs in his hands more recently than Adrienne's mitts (-2)

-- At dinner, Paul makes a really sweet toast to Adrienne and they wind up making out at the table. Who needs an appetizer when you've got tongue? (+3)

-- Adrienne and Paul are the only people who seem to be giving Kim's boyfriend a chance. Even though we personally think he's kind of a douche, we respect that someone in this group can remain neutral every once in a while (+2)

Net gain/loss: +7

Current total: 152

LISA (44)

-- When Lisa and Kyle scale the outdoor balcony to Kim's room, Lisa gets stuck on top. Lisa may be hot, but a stealth Charlie's Angel she is not (-3)

-- On the catamaran, Lisa unties one side of Brandi's string bikini, but let's be honest: it isn't anything we haven't seen already. Brandi's bikinis are tiiiiiiiny (+2)

-- When the others go snorkeling, Lisa and Adrienne opt to sunbathe on the boat instead. Lisa quips, "Who cares what's down there anyway?" (+3)

-- When Kyle gets upset over Kim's flakiness at every turn, Lisa supports Kyle, reminding her she can't change Kim (+2)

Net gain/loss: +7

Current total: 51

CAMILLE (121)

-- Is the only woman in the group isn't worried about getting her hair wet and enjoys her time snorkeling (+3)

Net gain/loss: +3

Current total: 124

BRANDI (78)

-- On the catamaran, Brandi flirts with one of the boat employees, while the other women look on, talking about how totally awesome her body is. Finally, they don't hate, they congratulate (+5)

Net gain/loss: +4

Current total: 82

DANA (76)

-- Goes over to Taylor's house to discuss her separation from Russell, which is quite a chore considering Taylor's emotional state (+2)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 78

TAYLOR (-9)

-- In Hawaii, everyone discusses Taylor leaving Russell and they practically lay bets as to whether the separation is for real this time. But in general, everyone seems relieved for her (+1)

-- In Cali, Taylor talks about the situation with Dana, telling she was willing to "become a completely different person just to be with him." That makes us more sad to hear than almost anything else to do with their relationship. Talk about a doormat mentality (-3)

Net gain/loss: -2

Current total: -11

SCORECARD:

Adrienne: 152

Camille: 124

Brandi: 82

Dana: 78

Lisa: 51

Kim: 7

Kyle: 3

Taylor: -11