RECAP: All Aboard Phaedra's Death Train

It's been three weeks since seeing our beloved Real Housewives of Atlanta in a new episode, and when they returned last night, we weren't disappointed.

This week, it was Phaedra Parks who kept us entertained. Still interested in starting a funeral home as the family business, Phaedra tried her hardest to convince her husband to hop on the death train. And if the couple does take on this venture -- which will specialize in throwing flashy, over-the-top funerals "worth dying for" -- we can't wait to see the commercials and advertising because she is full of one-liners about it.

Meanwhile, Cynthia Bailey continued her marriage struggle; Kim Zolciak unpacked more expensive items at home; Kandi Burruss made her way to Nashville to work with country singer JoDee Messina; and Sheree Whitfield tried to help Kim take up a more healthful lifestyle. NeNe Leakes also hung with socialite Marlo Hampton, who seems to be an unofficial cast member of the show. Maybe we'll start scoring her next week.

Welcome back, ladies!


-- Phaedra is still trying to talk Apollo into the funeral home idea. She wants to throw "Funerals worth dying for! Events! Let's throw them in the ground with a bang." It may be tacky, but don't ever say she doesn't have a vision (+2)

-- At one point, Phaedra's baby is in a scene that we can't even pay attention to because we are completely distracted by how adorable this little guy is. He starts cracking up when the adults laugh, as though he totally knows what they're talking about (+3)

-- Phaedra takes Apollo to a funeral home so that he can learn more about the business. We suspect seeing the creepy embalming room isn't helping things, but Apollo later stops by her office and says he's on board. Phaedra says they're going to "put the boom in the tomb." (+3)

Net gain/loss: +8

Current total: 70


-- Cynthia and Peter sign up for salsa lessons, but she's still angry with him for ditching her at her agency opening without even telling her he was leaving (-2)

-- He tells her the reason they've been arguing is because they haven't had date night, to which she responds, "That is not what I find to be our major problem." Ya think? (-3)

-- Peter doesn't say why he randomly left her event at the agency on such an important night, but tells her "I don't like to say goodbye." Is this guy for real with that one? I wish my husband would... (-4)

-- He tells Cynthia if she doesn't like his ways of communicating, maybe it's "time to get off the train." (-3)

-- They go to their pastor for marriage counseling. Peter eventually says he likes to have a third party present during all their discussions so that someone can tell him if he's being a jerk. Gotta love a guy in his 50s who can't even recognize when he's acting a fool (-5)

-- Cynthia tells him she doesn't like him, and sometimes she doesn't love him, but that she's still in love with him. If you are also confused by this, raise your hand (-2)

Net gain/loss: -19

Current total: 40

KIM (120)

-- With her daughters and Kroy, Kim is working on getting the Versace china unpacked. Meanwhile, we are kinda stoked on the new dishes we just bought from IKEA (+3)

-- Daughter Brielle asks, "What's the point of all this STUFF?" To prove that you're rich, dear. You'll appreciate it more when you inherit it all and find out how much it's worth (+2)

-- Lazy and filled with attitude, Brielle is settling into her teenage years like any normal young lady. She claims she's not getting a job for at least four years because "I have you guys." (-4)

-- Kim shows Sheree around her sprawling mansion, and says "I'm gonna get skinny just walking in this house." (+2)

-- Sheree puts her through a workout and shows her how to make healthy, fresh juices .(+3) Kim is appreciative, but we all know there's no way she's going to adopt this lifestyle unless Sheree moves in with her and makes it happen (-2)

Net gain/loss: +4

Current total: 124

KANDI (89)

-- Kandi goes to Nashville to work on a song with country singer JoDee Messina and while she's there, fondles some of Messina's CMA awards just a little bit too long to not be awkward(-1)

-- Kandi sings one of the song she's written to Messina, who politely tells her the tune needs to get to the point faster. "Let's start from scratch," she says. Ouch (-3)

-- Kandi circles the wagons and realizes "When you are dealing with a star, who is also a songwriter, you've to got to collaborate." Yeah. This ain't no Kim Zolciak you're working with here (+1)

-- Kandi and Messina work on the tune together and come up with something they both like. (I don't really like it much, but who am I to judge a work in progress?) (+1)

Net gain/loss: -2

Current total: 87

NENE (72)

-- Calls socialite Marlo (who is dating a football player NeNe is rumored to have dated) to set up a lunch meeting. Once NeNe reveals the guy "has never seen my Hello Kitty," they move on to other topics such as shopping and Marlo's arrest record (!). In other words, they hit it off and now NeNe now has one other friend besides Cynthia (+3)

-- Marlo invites NeNe to a jewelry fundraiser. NeNe brags that she can fit in with any group (insert disaster music here) (+2)

-- One woman discusses green living with NeNe, whose eyes glaze over during the chat. In confessional, she says "I don't know how to go green unless it's green money going to the bank." (-3)

-- A jewelry designer tells NeNe that her $25,000 earrings were inspired by the Dalai Lama, to which NeNe replies, "The Italian?" The woman is like, "The ancient spiritual leader of Tibet." Ohhhhh, THAT Dalai Lama! (-5)

-- NeNe leaves without buying anything. "I don't need a 25,000 pair of earrings." Isn't this the women who was looking at 9 million dollar houses in Miami? I thought NeNe was rich, bitch! (-2)

Net gain/loss: -6

Current total: 66


-- Shows up at Kim's house with yoga mats and health food to try and whip her back into pre-baby shape (+3)

-- Sheree has her do planks and makes her drink fresh veggie juice with ingredients like kale and ginger, pretty much ensuring that lazy Kim will never work out or do any juicing again (-1)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 43


Kim: 124

Kandi: 87

Phaedra: 70

NeNe: 66

Sheree: 43

Cynthia: 40