RECAP:The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Season 4

You know how there are some friends that you can lose touch with for a while, but when then when you finally get together, it's like no time has passed at all?

That's how we felt Sunday night when The Real Housewives of Atlanta returned to Bravo for its fourth season. The ladies got right back in the saddle -- the only major difference was that Kim was hugely pregnant and didn't have a cigarette hanging out of her face 24/7 -- and we couldn't have been happier to see them.

In the first episode, Sheree had a bone to pick with NeNe (who, since season three, has appeared on Celebrity Apprentice and become increasingly more visible). Sheree believed that NeNe tried to steal a paying speaking engagement from her, and when the two sat down to "talk like ladies," they ended up bellowing at each other inside before they took their scene to the streets. Ladies, indeed.

Meanwhile, Phaedra was busy making over-the-top funeral arrangements for her great aunt; Kim was eating for two; Kandi was developing a sex toy line; and Cynthia continued to be boring, but gorgeous.

Welcome back, ladies. We've missed you!

As always, each Housewife begins the season with 100 points. They earn and lose points based on their actions and things that happen to them.

NENE (100)

-- NeNe is buying her son a car because he just crashed his truck. He wants a Range Rover, she suggests a VW Bug. They meet in the middle at a Chevy Impala (+2)

-- NeNe knows the owner of the car dealership, and tells him, "It's been a long time since I seent you." Does Bravo have, like, a test that requires all the Real Housewives in its franchises to be grammar impaired? (-1)

-- She pays $13,500 *cash* for the car after getting a deal from her friend (+3)

-- Since last season, NeNe separated from her husband. Even though they are not divorced, she refers to herself as "single." Clearly, this version of single comes from the same dictionary as "talk like ladies." (-2)

-- Says she has made lots of connections since being on The Celebrity Apprentice and has picked up all manner of jobs and speaking engagements (+3)

-- Goes to meet with Sheree, who believes NeNe tried to oust her out of a paying speaking gig. NeNe thinks that Sheree's main problem is jealousy. Neither will admit they're both egomaniacs (-2)

-- NeNe is upset that Sheree trusted the word of some random person over NeNe, whom she's known for years (-1)

-- When Sheree calls this random person on speaker phone to try and catch NeNe in a lie, NeNe calls her assistant on speaker phone to try and deflect the lie. Everyone yells and nothing is resolved (-2)

-- NeNe takes the first personal dig: "I'm not the one who had my house and car taken away. I am a very rich bitch." (-1)

-- NeNe decides to leave so that, in her words, Sheree doesn't end up in the emergency room (+1)

-- Sheree chases NeNe out of the restaurant, screaming insults down the street at her (-2)

-- Sheree's barbs -- which include digs at NeNe's previously rotten teeth and her repo'd car back in the day -- hurt the feelings that are buried somewhere in NeNe's blackened heart. Either that, or she just wanted to be a martyr. So she drives down to Cynthia's and sheds some tears with her supermodel friend (-2)

-- But you know NeNe's a tough cookie. This is temporary. She'll be threatening to strangle Sheree in no time, we're certain of it (+1)

Net gain/loss: -3

Current total: 97

SHEREE (100)

-- Goes to see Lawrence in studio and tells him that she's mad at NeNe. She proceeds to insult NeNe saying the reason she was booked for Celebrity Apprentice is because "they needed an irate, crazy bitch and that's what they got." (-2)

-- Complains that NeNe's success has gone to her head (-1)

-- When she meets with NeNe to talk things out confront her, she accuses NeNe of trying to steal a speaking engagement from her. Then she complains that black women don't support each other. Um, see the two previous entries, please, Sheree, because you're not all that innocent here (-3)

-- In order to prove that NeNe is lying, Sheree calls a promoter on speaker phone. Then NeNe calls her assistant on speaker phone. Before any truths can be determined, the two ladies start screaming at each other (while still on the phone) and NeNe walks out (-2)

-- Sheree, showing a great deal of support for her fellow woman, tells NeNe to get her MFing teeth fixed and chases her out of the establishment yelling at her. Before Sheree hops in her car, she calls NeNe a "lying, trifling bitch." Again, such ladies (-3)

Net gain/loss: -11

Current total: 89

PHAEDRA (100)

-- Phaedra's great aunt has passed away and she comes in to help with the funeral arrangements, which is apparently a secret passion of hers (+2)

-- Or, at least, we think it might be a good thing until we recall the kind of party she held to bring her baby into the world. "I am known for the most fabulous things in life, and this funeral will reflect that. ... I have to make this funeral POP." Oh God, nooooo! (-4)

-- They end up with hearses that pipe music outside to the masses and that feature flashing strobe lights worthy of a nightclub; men in top hats; live horns; and flying doves. She says, "People will be like, 'did you see the top hats? Did you see the tuxedos? Did you see the doves?" Um, how about the dead person? Shouldn't people remember HER at her own funeral? (-4)

-- After all is said and done, Phaedra declares that she's found her new calling. We are super glad we don't live in Atlanta, so there's no chance of her possibly handling our funeral someday (-1)

-- When visiting the sex shop with Kandi, Phaedra volunteers to demonstrate how to use the wedge, a piece of furniture used to make varied sexual positions more comfortable. Phaedra's not shy, I'll give her that (+3)

Net gain/loss: -4

Current total: 96

KIM (100)

-- Kim moving into her dream home with her baby daddy, Kroy, and her children. She finally gets to remove all her furniture from storage, and certainly, there will be plenty of wall space for all her gigantic portraits of herself (+3)

-- She is a million months pregnant and wearing a strapless dress with a see-through lacy waistline, which is stretched across her rotund belly. Many maxi dresses can work as maternity dresses. This is not one of them (-3)

-- Kim tells Kroy that it's rude he doesn't have "Tardy for the Party" as his ringtone. We are glad to see he draws the line somewhere (+2)

-- Stresses the importance of eating healthy during pregnancy, right after she's shown requesting baked ziti, jalapenos, sour cream and onion chips and Diet Coke in one sitting. While lying in bed. Hey, man, there are tomatoes in baked ziti; give her a break (+1)

Net gain/loss: +3

Current total: 103

KANDI (100)

-- Is annoyingly late to meet Phaedra and Sheree at the sex shop. She is the Teresa Giudice of Atlanta (-2)

-- She's been doing her sex-related radio show, Kandi Koated Nights, for a while and wants to expand to include her own line of sex toys. She is striving to be an "intimate luxury specialist." (+3)

-- One of her ideas is to improvise on a vibrator that not only plays music, but vibrates to the beat. She's thinking of writing exclusive songs just for the vibrator. Personally, we think she'd be better off creating a vibrator that told you it loved you and cuddled afterward, but what do we know? (+1)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 102

CYNTHIA (100)

-- Miss Jai, a runway coach we've all seen on America's Next Top Model, comes to Atlanta and helps Cynthia launch her new modeling agency by offering a runway walking class (+3)

-- Cynthia tells Miss Jai that she's looking for models between the ages of 11-35. Miss Jai tells her to favor quality over quantity. Shrewd advice for life in general, we think (+2)

-- Lets NeNe cry on her shoulder after her fight with Sheree, and doesn't wind up with any eyelashes of mascara on her turquoise top (+1)

Net gain/loss: +6

Current total: 106

SCORECARD:

Cynthia: 106

Kim: 103

Kandi: 102

Nene: 97

Phaedra: 96

Sheree: 89


VMAs 2018