RECAP: Adrienne Throws a Spa Party

It's a wonder that any of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills plan get-togethers anymore based on how this season is playing out so far. Not one event has come to pass where people didn't leave with hurt feelings, hard feelings or mascara-stained tears running down their Botoxed faces.

While nobody was waving around any fingers (or crutches) at Adrienne's spa party, it was less than relaxing due to the continuing tension between Brandi and sisters Kyle and Kim. The trio's feelings were still raw after the huge blowout at Dana's game night, and Brandi's attempt at making things right went over like a lead balloon.

But to be honest, we spent the majority of the episode feeling amazed and the slightest bit envious of Adrienne's life, minus her cooking skills. We know she works her butt off, but this woman A) has an entire spa built into her home; B) has a personal chef that rocks the Casbah; and C) throws some of the most amazing parties we've ever seen, even if they're billed as being simple afternoon soirees.

So she couldn't roast a chicken if her life depended on it. Big deal. That's what Chef Bernie is for.

And we're off!

ADRIENNE (89)

-- Lisa comes over to teach Adrienne to cook a chicken. Says Adrienne, "The last time I cooked a chicken, it was frozen on both sides and raw in the middle." My God, even the Jersey Shore morons can cook a bird (-5)

-- Wears latex gloves to touch the chicken, is disgusted at removing its innards, and uses soap to wash it in the sink (-3)

-- As Lisa instructed a hopeless Adrienne, her personal chef, Bernie, sneered and snickered from the next room. When Adrienne can't locate a cutting board, salt or pepper, or properly cut an onion, Bernie is obviously relishing his job security (+2)

-- We never see the end result of her culinary masterpiece, and nobody is seen eating it. Probably for the best (+1)

-- Holds a spa day, which includes spray tanning, a laser machine, hydro-facials, two manicurists, three massage therapists, aesthiticians, waiters and a variety of finger foods, beverages and desserts by Chef Bernie (+5)

-- Oh, did we mention that she has a full spa IN HER HOUSE and owns all the fancy machines? (+7)

-- We later find out that the hydro-facial machine cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $40,000 (+3)

-- The desserts are topped with edible gold dust. I had no idea such a thing existed until about five minutes ago (+2)

-- Adrienne provides spa outfits for everyone, including flip flops.... with heels and flowers, of course (+1)

-- Spends the entire time checking in with people, and trying to patch things up between Brandi and Kim and Kyle. Excellent hostess (+3), but not much fun for her (-1)

-- Supervises the apology session between Kyle and Brandi, but it is still largely unsuccessful (-2)

Net gain/loss: +13

Current total: 102

KYLE (86)

-- Gets some insight into Brandi's troubled life, but it doesn't lighten her ire toward the new gal on the block (-1)

-- At Adrienne's party, Kyle at first balks at a facial because she's afraid it will strip off her tan. Um, facials are expensive. The sun is free. Kyle is stupid (-2)

-- Adrienne interrupts Kyle's massage to tell her that Brandi wants to talk to her. Ahhh, so relaxing (-2)

-- For the second or third time, pretends she's never heard of crystal meth. Does this woman not watch the news? Or Breaking Bad? (-3)

-- Brandi tries to apologize, but Kyle is still bitchy and barely accepts any blame for her portion of the ridiculousness at Dana's party. Remember when Kyle used to be the nice one on this show? (-2)

Net gain/loss: -10

Current total: 76

BRANDI (70)

-- She shows up at Adrienne's spa day, even though she'd "rather break my other leg than hang out with Kim and Kyle." (+2)

-- She agrees that she should probably apologize to Kim, but doesn't feel like she's the only one who should say sorry since the sisters were total cretins as well (+1)

-- After getting her nerve up, she offers up to Kyle a pretty decent apology and explanation for her behavior, but is met with continued hostility from Kyle (-3)

-- Immediately after, Brandi chats with Taylor, who tells her that her crystal meth comment was totally over the top. Brandi replies, "Was it?" Just when you start to feel a little bit of sympathy for her, she proves she's still a jackass, too (-2)

Net gain/loss: -2

Current total: 68

KIM (56)

-- Kim arrives to Adrienne's spa day extremely late, and claims that someone gave her the wrong time. Riiiiiight. We've never seen her be tardy for a party before (-2)

-- Gets mad at Kyle because Kyle is willing to hear out Brandi's apology. Calls her a traitor (-2)

-- Spends the rest of the party trash-talking Brandi to everyone in the room. Good grief, did anyone get to relax at this party without being sucked into the drama? (-1)

Net gain/loss: -5

Current total: 51

LISA (34)

-- Goes over to Adrienne's house to teach her how to cook a chicken. After five minutes, Lisa says, "I hope she knows her way around the bedroom better than she does the kitchen." And we're thinking she does. She probably has made more children than she has meals in her lifetime (+1)

-- Goes over to her rich, somewhat creepy friend, Mohamed's house. Mohamed wants to throw her daughter an Arabian-themed engagement party in his 65,000 square foot house (+3)

-- At Adrienne's spa party, Lisa spends a little too much effort getting involved in the Richards/Brandi argument. See what happens when Giggy isn't around to drum up all her attention? (-2)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 36

CAMILLE (120)

-- At Adrienne's, Camille spends some time chowing down at the snack table and says, "I like to eat a lot. I am trying to gain weight." Man, you never hear anyone say that in Beverly Hills (+2)

-- Is wearing a tiny thong while getting a spray tan and four of the girls bust in on her. Do these women have Benjamin Button disease? Because I swear they look about 40 years too old to be acting like such asses (-2)

Net gain/loss: +0

Current total: 120

TAYLOR (76)

-- To a lesser extent than Adrienne, Taylor tries to help decrease the tension between Brandi and the Richards sisters. She's also the only one who is even being the slightest bit kind to Brandi (+2)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 78

DANA (71)

-- Refrains from name-dropping any designers this week, and pretty much keeps her trap shut (+2)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 73

SCORECARD:

Camille: 120

Adrienne: 102

Taylor: 78

Kyle: 76

Dana: 73

Brandi: 68

Kim: 51

Lisa: 36