RECAP: Snooki and Deena's Drunken Tryst

The most recent installment from the Hot Drunken Mess files Jersey Shore is probably the most embarrassing yet if you consider these jackholes are representing America on foreign soil.

Most of Thursday's episode revolved around a 24-hour road trip to Italy's Riccione Beach, so the gang could feel more at home in their surroundings and behave as if they were at the Jersey shore. Of course, that meant that Snooki and Deena began drinking immediately upon arrival and made complete asses of themselves in public for the next 15 hours or so.

It began with a drunken shopping expedition and led to them exposing their lady parts while dancing at a restaurant in the middle of the day and culminated with a nauseating lesbian hook-up between the two.

At some point in the show, all the other roommates left the self-proclaimed "meatballs" on their own because their behavior was so ridiculous. And seriously, when the rest of the cast is embarrassed -- in fact, we didn't even realize they were capable of it -- you know it's got to be bad.

At the end of the episode, we were left with a cliffhanger: What would happen to Snooki after she got thrown in the back of a police car? Jail? Worse? Do we even care?

Ron-Ron juice, anyone?

Snooki (41)

-- Before leaving for the trip, Snooks calls her boyfriend, they argue, and he says he's not coming to Italy (-3)

-- Snooki, in her infinite geographical wisdom, describes the Italian beach as being like Hawaiian. "It's on the corner of a continent. So, like, it's by an ocean." What the hell is she talking about (-3)

-- Her boss gives her and J-Woww a 15 minute break to go shopping for their beach excursion. After 25 minutes, the boss tracks them down in a store, just as Snooki tells the clerk: "Be nice with the price. We work hard (for our money)." (-3)

-- Deena and Snooki have approximately ten million drinks during the daytime and embarrass themselves all over Riccione. Their jackassery includes Snooki falling into the bushes while dancing and rolling around on the dance floor with her legs sprawled out in the air (-5)

-- They show up late for dinner and make everyone else wait for them (-2)

-- At the bar, she and Deena are so drunk they take part in an extended make out session that stretches from the bar to the cab to the bedroom. This is hard to rank, but it could be one of the top five nastiest things we've had to witness on this show (-6)

--When they get back to Florence, she calls Jionni. Wearing a Hello Kitty baseball cap and HK ring, she proceeds to tell him what happened with Deena. So, not only is she gross, she defiled my favorite childhood character by wearing her during such a revolting revelation (-3)

-- Jionni doesn't get mad at her for cheating on him with Deena. Clearly he does not feel threatened by the blast in a glass (+2)

-- At work, decides that hiding in a trash can in more appropriate behavior than doing any actual work (-3)

-- Later, while driving, rear ends a police officer's vehicle. She does not have her driver's license with her, and they instantly give her a breathalyzer. Clearly, they've seen the show (-4)

-- An ambulance arrives on the scene, and pulls a cop from the car on a stretcher. He's wearing a neck brace (-5)

-- Probably wishes she were being carted off in an ambulance, but instead is crammed into the back of a cop car (-6)

Net gain/loss: -35

Current score: 6

Deena (36)

-- On the way to the beach, does the Jersey Turnpike in the front seat of the car as Snooki drives, setting the tone for the rest of the trip (-2)

-- Gets smashed with Snooki during the middle of the day. They gravitate toward an eatery and bar playing house music and she dances so hard that one boob is out and her string bikini bottom drops to the floor from underneath her cover-up (-5)

-- Later, she laughed about "dancing so hard my underwears came off." This is probably also the last time she wore panties on this trip (-4)

-- Later that night at the club, she is wearing a minidress sans underwear. She drops to her knees, squats and leans back in another classy signature dance move. It's safe to say that her gyno and at least 300 random Italians have seen every nook and cranny of Deena (-9)

-- She and Snooki engage in a major and gross make-out session. At one point, a bare-crotched Deena is straddling Snooki while at the bar. How is this stuff even allowed on TV? (-6)

-- The next day, she has no recollection of her actions. Hey, who says blackouts are always a bad thing (+5)

Net gain/loss: -21

Current score: 15

J-Woww (110)

--  J-Woww says, "I'm dying to wear my bikini." Translation: I haven't been able to show nearly enough of my rockin' body since I've been in Italy (+3)

-- Packs about 15 outfits for a 24-hour trip. "You can't be a girl and know what you're going to want to wear." It's stupid, but I do the same thing (+3)

-- While out with the girls during the day in Riccione, Deena and Snooki get so completely sloshed and unruly that she and Sammi leave them behind (+2)

-- At the bar, tries to help Snooki keep her undergarments from hanging out (+2), but realizes she has bigger fish to fry when ...

-- She notices that Deena A) is not wearing panties; and B) is showing her vagina to the entire bar while dancing. She tells her to chill out, or at least to stop squatting and bending over (+5)

-- Later, the vision of Snooki and Deena making out is etched into her memory. So much for a relaxing beach trip (-4)

Net gain/loss: +11

Current score: 121

Sammi (65)

-- After watching the meatballs get drunk all day, is not looking forward to going out with them that night. "This is gonna be a terrible time because I have to take care of my friend, who can barely sit up in the car."  We see her point, but could it really be worse than any of the public club brawls between her and Ronnie? (-2)

-- Is amazed at Snooki and Deena's tonsil hockey match and observes, "I don't even make out this long with Ron. I felt like I was watching porn for 20 hours." (-2)

Net gain/loss: -4

Current score: 61

The Situation (35)

-- Packs more than any of the girls for the short getaway (-3)

-- In Riccione, sees a dude that looks EXACTLY like him. Guess he's not as original as he thinks (-2)

-- At work, performs numerous duties while the girls slack off. For a dude who slept through all his shifts in the back room of his last job, this is quite an improvement (+7)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current score: 37

Pauly D (125)

-- Introduces another Jersey Shore catchphrase: "Swacked" is when you get your swagger jacked (+3)

-- Pauly brings up the term because Ronnie swacked his morning routine of waking up the roommates (-2)

Net gain/loss: +1

Current score: 126

Vinny (112)

-- Is simply a grossed out observer for most of this episode. We obviously have more in common with Vinny than anyone else on this cast (-2)

Net gain/loss: -2

Current score: 110

Ronnie (72)

-- Is annoyed that the group has about 10 suitcases for such a short trip (+3)

-- Denies trying to jack Pauly's swagger, but behind his back, the guys say he's a serial swacker (-4), but the only way they could return the favor is by trying to date Sammi, roid raging out or crying in a corner, so they just let it go

Net gain/loss: -1

Current score: 71

SCORECARD:

Pauly D: 126

J-Woww: 121

Vinny: 110

Ronnie: 71

Sammi: 61

The Situation: 37

Deena: 15

Snooki: 6