RECAP: The Real Housewives of Colorado

Now that The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills have had their first awkward, argumentative dinner party of the new season, it seems like a natural next step to take a group vacation together.

The ladies headed to Camille Grammer's house in the Colorado mountains, to play in her huge lodge before she had to sell it as part of her divorce settlement. The Housewives ate and skied, and, remarkably, hadn't killed one another during this first installment of the vacation footage.

However, Taylor did begin to show cracks in her sanity as she discussed her failing marriage with Kyle through sobs and quivering, enhanced lips. (Previews indicate her nervous breakdown will happen next week.) But in perhaps the biggest turn-around since last season, Lisa is increasingly dismissive and holier-than-thou, while Camille is actually kind of ... nice. And funny. Who knew?

Let it snow!


-- Due to her divorce, has to sell a Colorado property that she helped design (-3), so she decides to defile its honor by having a house full of potentially bickering biddies come for the weekend (-2)

-- Cracks that "Mrs. Vanderfabulous" (Lisa) is going to want to stay in the biggest, most plush room (+3)

-- Has four empty guest rooms, so two of the women will have to share. Camille lets them work it out amongst themselves (+2)

-- Apparently, Kelsey Grammer is a hairy dude, and Camille tells the ladies that she used to shave his back for him. Gross (-4)

-- At dinner, talks about how her 'ex' is a terrible kisser. We have to assume it's also Kelsey, and we're thinking, what on earth did she see in this dude? Oh, right. Money (-2)

-- Has a ski concierge come to the house so that the ladies wouldn't have to pick out their rental equipment with the commoners at the lodge shop (+4)

Net gain/loss: -2

Current total: 108

KYLE (108)

-- Moves into new house that is 7000 square feet with seven bedrooms and a gym -- it's the one she used to drive by and stare at because she wanted it to be hers (+3)

-- Even with all this space, she and her bestie are trying to figure out how to get Mauricio's pool table to live in the garage (-2)

-- In limo to Camille's, asks Lisa if Ken got mad at her for sticking up for Taylor the other night, which kicks off a little skirmish between Taylor and Lisa in a confined space (-2)

-- At Camille's, Kyle takes most modest room at first, then offers to room with Kim so that Taylor doesn't have to room with Lisa. That's selfless in more ways than one, especially since Kim A) is still kind of mad at Kyle; and B) doesn't stop talking through the entire episode (+4)

-- While unpacking, she and Kim have sisterly fashion discussions about sparkles vs. rhinestones vs. bling and Kyle prevails as the least gaudy dresser of the two (+2)

Net gain/loss: +5

Current total: 113

TAYLOR (104)

-- Rides in limo to airport and talks to Adrienne about her relationship and therapy. She reveals that, in her six-year marriage, has never really offered an opinion on anything -- not even where she and her hubby should eat for dinner -- which reconfirms that Taylor is probably one of the Top 10 most boring people in the world (-3)

-- Talks to Kyle in the hot tub and says she's afraid to be alone at 40. She wants her marriage to work because she loves Russell, but appears to be the saddest person on earth (-2)

-- Says she has a lot of anger stored up because she "held her voice" for so long. Um, not to be rude, but isn't that kinda your fault, T? (-3)

-- Whenever she discusses her relationship, she never reveals the root of the problem. The others see this as problematic, but we kind of appreciate that something personal will actually remain that way... at least for now (+4)

Net gain/loss: -4

Current total: 100

LISA (79)

-- Lisa has her staff help her pack for a two-day trip. Meanwhile, she makes out with her dog, Giggy, wrapping her lips around his muzzle and kissing him (-3)

-- "You're so sexy," she tells the dog, "Come on, put out." Suddenly, this makes husband Ken seem totally normal for letting the dog drink out of his glass last week  (-10)

-- Says she's a good skier, then admits "The last time I went skiing, the skis were wooden." (-3)

-- Is annoyed because Kyle and Kim are "dawdling" at the airport, and is shaping up to be the bitch of season two (-3)

-- As Camille suspected, Lisa immediately snags the best guest room (+5)

-- Lisa is the only one awake when Taylor gets up and she acts as though a big pile of herpes has just entered the room with Taylor's arrival (-4)

-- Feels sad that none of the ladies mentioned her ridiculous skiing outfit, which looks like the abominable snowman (-2). If you ask us, she should be happy they kept their traps shut (+3)

Net gain/loss: -22

Current total: 57

KIM (98)

-- On the way to Colorado, has diarrhea of the mouth and yammers endlessly the entire way there (-3)

-- Starts boxing some big guy's butt cheeks in the airplane. And this is Kim sober? Good grief (-5)

-- At dinner, asks waiter if mussels have the same effect as oysters. You can almost smell the desperation on her (-2)

-- Wakes up sick and with a fever, says she's going to skip skiing (-3)

-- When the single ski concierge comes by the house, he is a better remedy than TheraFlu. Kim is all of the sudden bright-eyed and bushytailed (+5)

Net gain/loss: -8

Current total: 90


-- For a two-day trip, Adrienne packs three enormous suitcases -- two of which are full of shoes. Even though they will be skiing half the time, which requires -- as you guessed -- no stilettos (-4)

-- Before she leaves home, gives hubby Paul a bunch of naggy instructions, such as "drive slows with the kids," "lock the doors" and "keep the dogs inside." Uh, Paul is a doctor. He can probably handle being home alone for 48 hours (-5)

Net gain/loss: -9

Current total: 66


Kyle: 113

Camille: 108

Taylor: 100

Kim: 90

Adrienne: 66

Lisa: 57