TV Throwdown: Real Housewives of New Jersey Vs. Mob Wives

Ever since the Real Housewives of New Jersey got its start, there has been internet murmuring that some of the ladies' husbands are somehow involved in the Mafia. Oh sure, the guys have jobs and everything, but didn't Tony Soprano and his cohorts also have legitimate businesses through which to launder money and appear like a normal members of society, too?

But we sort of forgot about all that once VH1's Mob Wives came along. For one, the show's title doesn't leave much to the imagination, now does it? Second, it's fascinating that people would actually sign up to appear on this show; and that they haven't all gone to swim with the fishies for doing so.

So, it only seems natural to pit the two against each other in a TV Throwdown. We choose the winner in a handful of categories, and the ladies with the most points win it all! Bada Bing!


For the most part, the Mob Wives' homes pale in comparison to the Real Housewives of New Jersey, and their lives kind of suck to boot. Their fathers, husbands and/or baby daddies are A) criminals in jail; B) criminals out of jail; C) criminals living in a halfway house. Granted, they are free to do whatever they please without checking in with anyone, and they seem to have an influx of money coming from, um, who knows where. But the women also have to parent on their own, and worse, have to explain to their children why daddy isn't around.

No doubt the Jersey Housewives are totally embarrassing and no strangers to legal matters of their own. They are also all intertwined: Jacqueline is married to Caroline's brother, while Melissa is married to Teresa's brother. Kathy is Teresa's cousin. So while the Mob Wives can all walk away from each other when filming is over, most of the RHONJ cast are stuck dealing with one another in some capacity. Still, their marriages all seem strong, and nobody has to talk to each other through Plexiglass, so the RHONJ win.




Certainly, I'd avoid RHONJ's Teresa when she's angry. She's tossed a dinner table across the room in rage; instigated a huge incident at a country club fashion show; and even shoved the host of the reunion show when he tried to stop her from breaking Danielle's skinny behind in two. There's also the matter of the baby christening melee, but that was a fight between the macho men, not the women.

However, the Mob Wives scare me almost as much as the evil clown that popped out from under the bed in Poltergeist. You know how when cartoons get into brawls, all you see is a cloud of dust with a fist popping out every so often? Mob Wives is like that, but with real people. And not just one cast member, but all of them. And they're women. If I were friends with any of these women, especially Drita, I would wear a suit of armor at all times... just in case.




Let's see... If you're on a New Jersey reality show and are often shown going to work, raise your hand.




Nothing to see here. Let's move on.




The ladies from both shows go out of their way to make a statement, whether it's using their (loud) mouths or with their clothing, hair and make-up. And until Mob Wives came along, never in a million years did I think I'd be saying that the RHONJ would be the winners in any fashion contest. Teresa's collection of leopard print alone is enough to strike you blind, not to mention the furs, sparkles, big hair and over-accessorizing enjoyed by pretty much all the 'wives.

Meantime, the Mob Wives employ several of the same overkill techniques, but they still sometimes manage to look dumpy or disheveled. Maybe it's because they're also always dressing for a fight, but still. Fashion plates they are not.



Bottom line: If this were last season of the RHONJ, then Mob Wives would have had a better shot at victory. But bringing in Teresa's sister-in-law and cousin, both of whom she can't stand, has been a golden casting move. RHONJ has evolved from a name-calling contest to something interesting and multi-layered and juicy. Even though the Mob Wives' lives are probably fascinating, none of them are stupid enough to spill any real dirt on TV.