Character Countdown: The Real Housewives of O.C., Episode 7

If dogs and dudes can simultaneously develop eating disorders, then nobody is in a higher risk group than Gretchen Rossi's pooches and boyfriend, Slade. The bitchy blonde spent the entire episode of Real Housewives of O.C. berating the three for being fatties, and continued to use her nickname for Slade -- Tubbawubba -- in front of random people.

Because nothing makes a person want to lose weight more than being publicly ridiculed.

But Gretchen wasn't the only one who made made her loved one feel like crap. Vicki spent a few minutes with her husband this week, during which time she ridiculed his taste in wine and basically said she was perfectly happy that she never saw him.

Meanwhile, Tamra and Alexis tried to talk out their recent text message altercation and Peggy's husband revealed the secret to every lasting marriage. We'll give you a hint: They don't call it a 'job' for nothin'.

GRETCHEN (99)

-- Shares custody of the dogs with her ex. Is that cool or weird? Since I can't decide, I'm docking (-2)

-- Gretchen is mad because the dogs came back from ex's house looking rotund (-2)

-- Calls Slade and the dogs fat. We don't really care about Slade, but those dogs have feelings, Gretchen! (-3)

-- Forces Slade get on the scale, then rides him about his weight and calls him "Tubbawubba" a couple of times. OK, maybe we do feel a little sorry for him (-2)

-- At dinner with Peggy and Micah, Slade jokes about being broke and having no great job prospects -- except it's not a joke as far as we can tell  (-3)

-- Slade and Gretchen start ripping Tamra to Peggy, who is still a relative newcomer to the group. Way to take the high road (-1)

-- Takes dogs to the vet to "prove" they're overweight, and while they're there, she calls Slade Tubbawubba in front of vet (-3)

-- Between her and Slade, they aren't paying close enough attention to the dogs and one falls off the exam table onto the floor (-1)

-- Luckily, he has enough padding that he doesn't break any bones (+2)

-- Gretchen take the dogs to the park"doggie boot camp," Slade finally stands up for himself and tells Gretchen to stop calling him names. Then she's all, "Are you upset because I'm right?" So sweet to her parents, such a meanie to her boyfriend (-3)

-- Then we notice she had personalized shirts made for the doggy boot camp, and that Slade is wearing one. We never thought this would be possible, but we kind of feel like Slade is now the more likable person in this relationship (-3)

-- Slade gets pissed at her and decides to run home. (Personally, I hope he stopped somewhere and got a doubledecker steakburger, a tub of fries and a Coke just to spite her.) (-2)

Net gain/loss: -23

Current total: 76

VICKI (47)

-- Brings housewarming gift for Tamra, and receives a gift from Tamra's trip to Spain. Enjoy these points, Vicki, because they're the only ones you'll get from us tonight (+4)

-- Is going to her 30-year high school reunion and isn't bringing Donn (-4)

-- Oh wait! She'll actually be gone for SIX WEEKS, counting her business travel. But don't you worry about Donn, everyone -- he's going to the river. "He loves going to the river!" Well, what the hell else does he have to do? (-3)

-- Says she's making an effort to spend time with him before her trip, then they have couples massages in separate rooms (-3)

-- By the way, she can't even chill out during the massage. She talks about ... wait for it ... *WORK* incessantly (-5)

-- When she and Donn go out to dinner, she rips him for ordering white wine because it doesn't go with the steak he's ordering. He says he doesn't like red wine, but she gives him more grief anyway. He replies that he should have gotten a cocktail, but we're thinking he'll need a couple of shots to get through this meal (-4)

-- He asks her if she'll have dinner with his sister when she's in Minneapolis and she looks at him as though he'd just asked her to eat a bag of mouse droppings. "I won't have time! I have meetings!" (-3)

-- Donn reminds her, "there's more to life than work." She says, "I wouldn't change anything about my life. I'm happy." And she just had the nerve to complain in confessional because her marriage sucks (-3)

Net gain/loss: -21

Current total: 26

TAMRA (116)

-- Is enjoying life in her new house after her romantic trip to Spain (+2)

-- Finds out that while she was gone, Simon came over to her new place to "visit the kids" (read: probably install stalker video cameras in each room). Tamra's mom let him in because she has no backbone (-6)

-- Calls someone a retard. P.C. FAIL (-4)

-- Calls Alexis 'Jesus Barbie.' Now that, we can get down with (+3)

-- Goes over to Alexis' house to make nice, but ... what fun would that be? (-2)

-- Guess she can stop fantasizing about being the Realtor that gets to sell Alexis' foreclosed house (-2)

Net gain/loss: -9

Current total: 107

PEGGY (102)

-- Accidentally spilled the beans to Simon that Tamra went to Spain with Eddie (-3)

-- At dinner with Gretchen and Slade, she does a "muscle test" with Gretchen's lip gloss to find out if her husband is allergic to it. We won't try to explain it because we have no idea what the hell she was doing (-3)

-- When asked the secret to a good marriage at dinner, her husband, Micah, replies "blow jobs every night." (-4)

-- Peggy has a daytime wedding ring, and a nighttime ring -- and the nighttime ring is almost as big as a golf ball. Guess all that *ahem* work pays of (+5)

-- After Gretchen and Slade go off on Tamra, Peggy reserves judgment until she gets to know Tamra better (+2)

-- Goes to lunch with Tamra and they joke about some things, but we are too distracted by whatever that spongy is that's wedged underneath her left breast to listen. What IS that thing and why is it there? (-4)

Net gain/loss: -7

Current total: 95

ALEXIS (80)

-- Rumors are circulating that her house is in foreclosure. Ah, the Housewives curse strikes again! (-4)

-- Tamra visits and she gives her a tour of her 6,900 square foot home. It's gorgeous and filled with expensive things. Sound like another Housewife you know? One from N.J., perhaps? (-3)

-- She and Tamra meet to smooth over their text message argument, but in typical Housewives fashion, nothing at all is solved (-2)

-- But she does make a point that she spent a lot of money on her party, and got all the guests amazing gifts. Next up: Mortgage payment? (-3)

Net gain/loss: -12

Current total: 68

CURRENT TOTALS:

Tamra: 107

Peggy: 95

Gretchen: 76

Alexis: 68

Vicki: 26